In the Cards(89)
Avoiding Levi’s eyes, I continue my rant. “Your son’s a beautiful man. But you damaged his soul, leaving scars so deep he’s afraid to trust anyone. Yet still you show no remorse. You’ve spent this afternoon defending and protecting yourself. Now that I’ve met you, I agree with your self-assessment—you aren’t mother material!” Disgust courses through my body.
I reach out my hand to Levi. “Levi, we’re leaving. You shouldn’t be here anymore.”
His mother doesn’t let my insults pass without comment. “Missy, I, too, got drawn in by a handsome face. If Levi’s closed off, that comes from him, not from what I did. You’d better watch out or you’ll end up running, like me.”
Her self-satisfied insult pushes me too far. Without thinking, I whirl around and slap her cheek. “I’m nothing like you.”
Levi’s shock snaps me back to reality. I rub my own hand, surprised by my outburst. I’ve never, in my life, hit anyone. His mother stands, with her hand on her cheek, staring at me with her eyebrows raised.
On our way out the door, Levi pauses to face his mother one final time.
“In case you’re curious, I stayed with Pop until I turned eighteen, then I left and built a good life for myself. Pop died in May and left me your address.” He turns to go, then faces her once more. “I’ve imagined this meeting many times over the years. Can’t say it went as I might have hoped, but I’m glad I learned the truth. At least now I know I’d have been worse off if you’d stayed with me. I finally have peace, not that you care. I won’t be disturbing you again, ma’am.”
He inclines his head and we walk out the door.
His last-ditch effort to share something about his life with that awful woman, to make her know him in any way, rips my heart apart. She doesn’t deserve to know him.
Levi falls deadly quiet during the entire ride back to the hotel.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Levi
I keep my eyes closed in the car. I refuse to break down in front of Lindsey, but am having a hell of a time assimilating all my feelings. Mama’s remarks replay, over and again, in my mind. Christ, she’s hateful. A frigid bitch of a woman. Thank God she didn’t have any more kids.
Lindsey’s right, I was better off without Mama in my life. That woman resents me, as if I chose to be born just to ruin her life. Comparing herself to selfless women who give up babies for adoption. She’s crazy.
Yet I can’t shut out the little voice that wonders whether she’d have stuck it out with me if I’d been less clingy.
Lindsey’s long sigh breaks my concentration. Boy, she sure got fired up. I still can’t believe she smacked my mama. I couldn’t even react at the time. Just watched it unfold like a movie.
I shouldn’t have dragged her into this mess. No doubt she’ll consider all she’s learned about my genetics and run from me as soon as we get back to California.
Damaged soul. That’s how Lindsey sees me. A beautiful man with a damaged soul. She thinks I was made, not born, this way.
But maybe it doesn’t even matter how I became distant. I am distant. Lindsey deserves someone who isn’t detached and fucked up. God forbid she ends up with the wrong person and becomes unhappy like my mama.
“Levi, will you talk to me?” Lindsey asks as she pulls into the parking garage. “Please say something.”
I don’t know what I expected from the day, but now I just want to escape her and her questions before she sees my weakness. “I can’t talk now. Sorry.”
“Are you mad at me for how I spoke to your mother—for slapping her?” A tiny whimper escapes her throat. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself. Exploding is so unlike me. Please don’t be mad.”
She chases me through the hotel’s parking garage, reaching for my hand. I yank it away, still averting eye contact.
“I’m not mad at you.” I shift my gaze to the buttons inside the elevator. “But I need to be alone for a while.”
“No.” She grabs for me again. “Levi, look at me. I came all this way for you. The least you can do is look at me. Don’t push me away.”
I take her by her arms and shove her away.
“Lindsey, leave me be. Please.” Thankfully, the elevator doors open, providing an escape. I stalk into the hall and dash toward my room, but she’s on my heels. “Darlin’, I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I don’t want you to see me this way.” I’m losing the battle against the swelling tide of self-pity. “Please, let it lie.”
Unfortunately, as usual, Lindsey’s undeterred by the word no. She slips into my room behind me, refusing to respect my wishes. Ignoring her, I head straight to the minibar, find some vodka, and then sit on the edge of my bed.