I’d bet big bucks her new husband doesn’t know about me. What man could fall in love with a woman who left her child? Yeah, I feel the ugly part of me that wants to rob her happiness since she stole much of mine. In the long run, however, that small victory won’t improve my life, and it might even give me another thing to regret.
Obviously Lindsey’s not pleased with my intention, either, which doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t need her approval, but I don’t particularly like her disapproval, either. Hell, she’s one big reason I came here in the first place. If I end up lowering her opinion of me, it sure will have been a waste of my time and money.
She knocks at the door but I’m not ready to face her just yet. I take a deep breath, staring into the mirror, searching for the answer.
Nothing.
Guess it’s simply showtime.
Lindsey parks the car in front of Mama’s house, which is located in a middle-class suburb of Atlanta. It’s a decent street, safe and all, littered with small homes and smaller yards. The moss-green house has a large front porch with a swing, and is surrounded by flowerbeds. Angst stretches throughout my chest as I consider how different my childhood might have been here, with her.
My jaw hurts from too much clenching, and I’m perspiring. Granted, it’s hot and humid today, but that’s not the cause of my discomfort. I’m staring out the passenger window, gathering my thoughts, when Lindsey’s hand pats my forearm. I haven’t felt this much trepidation since my adolescence. It must be obvious, because Lindsey’s eyes fill with concern.
“Levi, are you ready? We can sit here if you’re not. Or I can drive around a little.”
Lindsey’s support, like cashmere-wrapped steel, saves me. I lift her hand to my lips to kiss it. A surge of uneasy emotions renders me unable to express my gratitude, so I deflect with a compliment.
“You look real pretty today, by the way.” Smiling, I open the door. If I don’t move forward right now, I’ll retreat.
As we walk up the driveway, she takes hold of my hand.
“You know,” Lindsey says, “if she’s not here, we should get a strong drink before we come back. Maybe we should have done that first, actually.” She smiles, trying to help me relax.
I appreciate her effort, but my heart’s still slamming in my chest with each footstep toward Mama’s front door. I can’t turn back now.
I ring the doorbell and step back, holding my breath. Lindsey squeezes my hand with both of hers. “No matter what happens, Levi, I’m right here with you.”
The door opens and, through the screen, I see Mama. She’s older, but it’s her. She’s still a wisp of a thing, with the palest hair and eyes . . . a ghostly reminder of unbearable pain. Her former beauty’s muted by age, despite her being only forty-nine. She mustn’t recognize me at first, because she looks at Lindsey.
“Can I help you?” she asks, but then tilts her head and narrows her eyes when glancing back at me. I know I resemble my pop, so I wait an extra second before speaking, giving her an opportunity to realize who I am. I feel Lindsey fidget beside me.
“Hello, Mama.” I stand still, peering through the screen door. Lindsey’s got my arm in a death grip.
Mama steps back slightly and whispers, “Levi?”
She looks haunted, which pleases me. Seconds pass while the two of us stare at each other. When she doesn’t open the door, I break the silence.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in? It’s been so long. There’s much to talk about.”
I hadn’t intended to be sarcastic right off the bat, but the cork on my bottled-up rage has been blown off by more than twenty years of pressure. Now I wish Lindsey weren’t here to witness my fury, but it’s too late.
Mama struggles to regain her composure.
“Levi, I can’t. You can’t be here. I’ll meet you tomorrow, anywhere but here.” She’s pleading, but I have no sympathy.
“Sorry, Mama. I flew across the country to see you. My return flight leaves tomorrow morning, so we’ll be talking here and now.” I reach for the screen door.
“No, Levi. Please, go.” Her frightened eyes search mine for mercy but find none. “My husband will be home soon. He doesn’t know about you. Please!”
Foolishly, even after all these years, some tiny part of me had hoped she’d welcome the chance to meet me. Embarrassed by my stupidity, my mood darkens.
“Well, then, the longer you delay me on the porch, the more likely I’ll be meeting my stepdad, I suppose.”
Lindsey tugs on my hand, but I shake her off and open the door to my mama’s house. Adrenaline is pumping through me now, so I can barely feel my body.