My will weakens the instant she nestles up against me. Memories of her kiss torment me, but I don’t embrace her. I’ve worked hard all week to rebuild my wall. I need to be cautious and not fall prey to her whimsical emotions. I gently lift her from my chest until she’s sitting alongside me.
Brushing her fallen hair back behind her ear, I drink her in with my eyes. I speak in quiet tones.
“I’m fine. I took a little vacation, that’s all. Sorry you worried. It didn’t occur to me you might be concerned.”
She blinks in surprise, like I’m crazy for not realizing how she’d react.
At that moment, Shari steps onto the deck with more beer. Upon seeing Lindsey, she cheerfully greets her.
“Hiya, you want one, too? I can get another.” Shari waits for Lindsey’s answer while she hands me a cold beer.
Lindsey recognizes her immediately and jumps up from the chaise, retreat in her eyes and body language. I know she’s misreading this situation and can see her mind adding two and two together and coming up with five.
Within three seconds, she’s assumed Shari and I spent the past week together. I don’t fret. Joe will appear any second. But then Lindsey’s bitter, resentful eyes shoot me a death stare. She bolts off the deck faster than a lizard slipping under a rock.
Shari stares at me wide-eyed and mouths the word “sorry.” I pry myself from my lounge chair to chase down Lindsey. Unfortunately, I can’t move with any speed, partly because of my back, and partly because my heart’s in a vise.
I call after her, but she won’t slow down or turn around. By the time I reach her back door, it’s locked and the lights are off. I bang on the frame and call her name again, but she doesn’t answer.
Using my hands to shield the sides of my face, I press against the glass to peer inside. I don’t see her anywhere. I bang once more before giving up and heading home. Joe and Shari are waiting on the deck, full of apologies.
“It’s not your fault. She didn’t even bother finding out the truth. Obviously, she mustn’t think much of me if she believes what I think she does. Anyway, I’m not about to lose sleep over it.” I lie because I won’t admit the truth.
Shari pipes up. “You men are so damn stupid and stubborn.”
Joe squeezes her shoulder and suggests she mind her own business, then bids me adieu. On her way out, Shari turns to me.
“Levi, I’ve known you a while. You didn’t run off this porch because she doesn’t matter to you. Lay your pride aside and tell her. If you can’t be honest, then you deserve what you get.” She leans up to kiss my cheek then gives me a fairly stinging pat on the cheek to emphasize her point.
Once they leave, I call Lindsey, but she still doesn’t answer. I don’t leave a message, but call twice more during the next hour. She must’ve turned her phone off by my third attempt, because it goes straight to voice mail.
Hell, I won’t spend my night begging her to talk to me. She’s the one who ran off before learning the facts.
I lie in bed wide-awake. When I saw Lindsey earlier, everything inside me lit up. For those precious seconds, I felt completely happy and wanted to wrap her up and run away with her.
I never understood brokenhearted love songs until now. Part of me wants to scale the walls of her house and force my way in—but it’s no use. Without trust, and with Rob still in her heart, there’s no chance for us.
Plus, for better or worse, I’m damaged goods and I know it. I’ve done all right for myself, by myself, but I’ve never learned how to love anyone. Never trusted anyone to care a whiff about me, either.
At the end of the day, I doubt I can make Lindsey happy. She’d leave me broken and embittered. Lindsey’s like a rainbow, beautiful and vibrant. But I can’t really hold on to a rainbow, can I?
Lindsey
I’m starting to hate men, especially Levi and Rob. I spent the better part of last week worrying about Levi’s state of mind, and blaming myself for sending him running from his home. All the while, he was off having a grand time with his tart from the bar.
Pleasure—that’s all men care about. Goddamned sex. And Shari, so cheerful, with her sensuous hair and victorious grin. I practically handed him to her on a platter.
I’d convinced myself I meant something more than his flings. But he replaced me with Shari without any hesitation. If he expects me to talk to him now, he’s crazy. He can bang on the door and call me all night long for all I care. I have nothing to say to him.
Damn it. I can’t sleep. Images of Levi and Shari intertwined keep coming quickly, one after another, driving me crazy.