In the Cards(74)
I’d be cruel to encourage him without being more certain of my own heart first. Of course, how much does he really care? I know what you expect from people and I probably can’t deliver it. He walked away last night without a fight. Perhaps we’re both equally confused.
My silent phone sits on the nightstand. I pick it up: no messages. Instinctively, I call Jill. She’s much better at analyzing these matters than I’ve ever been. It’s two o’clock in New York, so she’ll be available. Shoot, voice mail.
“Jill, it’s me. Desperately need your ear. Big blowup with Helene, Bill, and Levi. Help. Call me back!”
I turn on the ringer before rolling out of bed and hauling myself to the shower. After I dress, I check my phone. Jill still hasn’t called. Neither has Levi.
My room’s so balmy. I open the door to let the breeze inside. Lingering on the upper deck, I scan the beach and spot Levi talking to Elena near the water’s edge. She’s flirting, of course. Touching him. Surely he didn’t confide anything in her, did he?
He’s tossing shells into the waves while they talk, then she nods and holds up three fingers. He nods and squeezes her hand. She turns and ambles down the beach. I duck back inside to avoid being caught spying on him. What are he and Elena planning at three?
My phone rings. I dive on my bed and look at the screen. Jill. Thank God.
“Hey, thanks for calling back.”
“How could I resist? You left me hanging with lots of questions. By the way, happy birthday! Did you get my gift yet? It ought to arrive today.” Her rapid-fire comments distract me.
“Oh . . . thanks. No, not yet. Are you alone?”
“Sadly, yes. So what happened with your parents and Levi? Did they meet?”
“Mom insisted Levi come to dinner with us and then provoked him about personal issues. She wasn’t subtle, but he handled her well. It upset me more than anyone else.”
“So, what’s the crisis? Helene’s interference is nothing new.”
I draw a deep breath, anticipating Jill’s reaction to what I’m about to admit.
“When Levi and I came home, he kissed me and it heated up quickly. I panicked, thought about Rob, and stopped it from progressing. I told Levi I wasn’t over Rob, so he left. Now I don’t know what to do. I think I made a mistake.”
“What do you want to do?” Her basic question has no easy answer.
“Jill, I told you. I don’t know what to do.”
“I didn’t ask what’s the right thing to do, I asked what you want to do. Did you want Levi last night?”
“God, yes. But what about Rob?”
“Why’s Rob a factor? You’re not even talking unless you’re coming home, right?”
“Well, technically that’s true. But it seems unfair to carry on with Levi without telling Rob.”
“No, unfair is what he did with Ava. Your being with Levi is none of his business. You’re broken up, for God’s sake. You don’t owe him any explanation.”
“It’s not that simple. And what about Levi? You know his history with abandonment. How can I lead him on and then maybe burn him by leaving? I need to be more sure of what I want.”
“You’re being irrational. Every relationship has the potential to end and hurt someone. Look at you and Rob. Despite the promises, he betrayed you and you left him. Even if Rob weren’t in the picture, neither you nor Levi would have any certainty about each other, or the viability of your relationship. Levi’s a big boy. He can handle the consequences.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. My parents hammered away at our incompatibilities last night. Maybe they’re right and it’s simply an infatuation that won’t ever be anything more.” I hear Jill chuckling on the other end of the line.
“Every woman on the planet, with the exception of your mother, is probably infatuated with him. So what if that’s all it is? You need a little fling before you settle down and get married. You didn’t exactly date around a lot, you know.”
“You’re not helping.”
“Lindsey, time to grow up and make a decision. You can’t please everyone, so do what you want to do.”
“You and Levi, always turning everything back around on me.”
“Well, I like Levi more and more with each new thing I learn about him. And, if you toss him aside, don’t you dare complain to me when you see him with someone else, or if I visit and take a shot at him.”
“You’re horrible! You know that, right?”
“Just being honest. Trust me, there will be someone else waiting to take him off your hands.”
“I know.” The image of Shari’s face flickers through my mind, inspiring intense jealousy. “Okay. Thanks for listening to me gripe on my birthday. I knew this day would suck.”