In the Cards(66)

“We’ll arrange everything. Do you have any new friends you want to invite?”

Levi’s pretending not to pay attention to my conversation, although I know he’s able to hear it. I’m sure my mother wants to meet him, but it would be a disaster.

“No, thanks. I’ll see you Friday. Thanks for making the trip, Mom.”

“I’ll call you when we land. Bye, honey.”

I pick up the Scrabble box, hoping to avoid any mention of the call. Of course, Levi overheard the reference to my birthday.

“Your mom’s coming for your birthday? When’s that?”

“August tenth, but they’ll be here on Friday, the ninth. An overnight visit. It’s best, actually, considering how unhappy they are with me lately.”

Frowning, Levi grunts. “They should be darn proud of you. You’re a good girl. You’re kind, smart, and solicitous as hell where they’re concerned.” He shakes his head. “What more do they want?”

“They are proud. They just want me to be happy.” I shrug. When I see the confused look on his face, I explain, “What I mean is they’re worried about me more than they’re unhappy with me. I’ve gone off the farm, so to speak, by disobeying them, quitting my job, leaving my fiancé . . .”

“Disobeying them?” He sits upright and flings his arm toward the ceiling. “You’re twenty-six years old, almost, anyway. It’s your life. Why do they get any say?”

“You can’t understand because you grew up differently. It’s not so easy to dismiss parents when they’re involved in your life.” His churlish expression warns me to proceed carefully. “They’ve given me their time, attention, money, and love. Don’t I owe them some measure of respect, loyalty, and concession in exchange? They have my best interests at heart and often give me solid advice. I’ve usually been happy to comply. This is the first time I’ve needed to seek my own answers.”

“Owe them. See, that’s one of many reasons why I’ve steered clear of love. People feel ‘owed’ and ‘owned’ in relationships. Love goes hand in hand with expectations, so people compromise themselves for the sake of someone else’s demands, dreams, or needs.”

He’s staring out the window. I’m not sure if we’re still talking about me, or someone else. Does he feel obligated to me because I’ve been helpful? Is this why he’s trying to forge a friendship despite his general lack of interest in one?

“Don’t worry, Levi. I’m not expecting anything from you. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done without expectation. Don’t panic. You don’t have to force yourself to be my friend out of some sense of duty.”

Levi stares at me without responding. He conceals his emotions so well; I rarely know what he’s thinking.

I begin turning over the Scrabble tiles to break the silence. Unexpectedly, he grabs my hand and laces his fingers through mine. I hold my breath, affected by the insistence of his grip.

“I know you don’t expect anything from me. When I leave here, I’ll never do or say anything out of a sense of obligation, okay? Whatever happens will be authentic. It’s the only way I know how to be.”

Oddly, his words comfort me. I envy his secure sense of self—his fierce independence. He’s carved out a life on his own terms, overcome great odds, and, contrary to my earlier assumptions, has a social life, albeit a shallow one.

Once he’s healed, he’ll resume his normal lifestyle, Shari and all. Remembering Shari sends a little shiver through me. I jerk my hand away.

“Good to know, Levi.”





CHAPTER THIRTEEN



Levi

At first, returning home felt foreign. I’d been away for almost seven weeks. Lindsey changed the sheets on my bed and cleaned the house for me. Whenever I’m convinced I’ve seen the limit of her generosity, she goes a step further. She’s the kindest person I’ve ever met and I’ve missed her company these past two days.

In just two months, she’s blown into my life and reshuffled everything. My solitude now leaves me empty instead of comforted. My house now seems cold instead of peaceful.

I’ve seen her a bit, only because she’s still running errands for me until I’m permitted to drive. I’ve purposely kept her at bay. Foolishly, I thought my life would return to normal once I came home and dived into my old routines. Not happening. I’ve simply spent most of the past two days consumed with thoughts of her. To top it off, I’m more aware of my aches and pains without her company to distract me.

No matter how I convince myself of the benefits of my no-strings philosophy, or of us being only friends, the truth is I want her—all of her. I want her heart and soul, her warmth and compassion, and her love.