Stay. I don’t like it when you go.
God, please don’t let him slip into septic shock. Honestly, if he dies, I’ll never forgive myself for not getting him to the hospital sooner.
I crawl into bed with a gigantic glass of wine. I’ve let everyone down: my parents, Rob, my friends, and now Levi. Most importantly, I’ve disappointed myself. How can I be so competent and yet incapable? Quit analyzing everything. Just do something. Maybe Levi’s right, but how do I get out of my own way?
I put the empty glass on the nightstand and snuggle under my blanket. Staring out my window, I watch the moonbeams dance on the ocean until I fall asleep.
“Tell me what you want,” Levi commands me. He pins me against the bed with his body. His husky voice fills me with longing. He kisses my collarbone, causing me to twist my head to provide easy access to my neck.
My hands brush against his bare chest before roaming across the firm muscles of his shoulders and back. His hands tangle in my hair, while his warm mouth slowly, achingly works its way up to my jaw. Levi’s breathing becomes ragged and wanting.
A slight moan escapes from my throat when his hot breath hits my ear. He quickly brings his mouth to claim mine with an urgent, demanding kiss. His tongue expertly slides around my own. Playfully, his teeth gently capture my lower lip before he resumes another deep kiss. Pinning my arms above my head with his right hand, his left hand travels down my neck and around my breast, where his thumb circles my nipple over the top of my T-shirt.
“Tell me what you want, Lindsey.”
I’m falling into a sea of sensual desire as he pulls his head away and searches my eyes for an answer. His hands continue their unrelenting exploration of my body and find their way under my shirt.
“I want you,” I admit. His eyes gleam with excitement, then he bears his mouth down on mine again with another scorching kiss. My own pulse races as he removes my top.
I awaken alone, a sweaty, frustrated mess. Contrition crashes over me for being unfaithful to Rob. Yes, we’re broken up and, technically, I’ve done nothing. Rob slept with someone and I ran away. But now, mere weeks later, I’m dreaming about sex with a man who doesn’t mean “less than nothing” to me. Really, really hot sex.
I close my eyes again, but there’s no recapturing the moment.
I’m a bad person. A selfish, disingenuous woman. Lindsey, get it together! I’m not about to rearrange my entire life because of this insane infatuation with Levi. The whole point of coming to Malibu was to follow Aunt Sara’s lead and focus on myself, not to agonize over what is or isn’t happening with the two men in my life.
I can get past this infatuation with Levi and move forward alone or with Rob, depending on what I discover. When Levi’s out of the hospital, I’ll pare down my visits. Polite-but-distant neighbors—it’s what he’s always claiming he wants anyway.
It’s only six thirty. Hopefully a long run will clear my head.
CHAPTER TEN
Levi
Mr. Hardy, I’m afraid I have some unfortunate news.” The doc’s somber tone sets me on edge. “Your fever’s reduced and the rash is receding, which are positive signs. But we aren’t out of the woods. We can’t risk a recurrence by failing to address the site of the incision and what’s inside. We need to clean the hardware in your spine to eliminate all sources of the infection.”
Doc waits for my response, but I bite my tongue while I digest what’s happening. Jesus, go back into my spine? The potential for a negative outcome with another surgery scares the hell out of me, but so does the astonishing speed with which this infection invaded my body. To top it off, my skin’s itchy and I’m freezing cold.
“Doesn’t sound like you’re giving me a choice, are you, Doc?” I scratch my arm. I’m worried, but I’m not gonna advertise it to him or anyone else. “How soon?”
“I’ll schedule surgery for tomorrow morning.” He makes a notation on my chart. “Try not to be anxious. If you have questions, page me.” He nods and then exits without further comment.
I shove the tray of disgusting scrambled eggs away from my bed. Even if I were hungry, the sight of the pale, rubbery lump would surely dampen my appetite. I’m pissed off. Not a great start to the day.
Where’s Lindsey? I want to know what the hell happened yesterday. I can’t remember how I ended up here. It’s disconcerting that everyone entering my room today is covered, head to toe, in sterile clothes and face masks. I must be highly contagious or extremely susceptible to germs, neither of which is very good.
Damn, I hate hospitals. What’d I do to deserve these problems?