“Thank you for the feast before us and keeping us together and healthy,” she said. It was short and sweet. Scarlett wondered why she bothered at all. Afterwards, there was a moment's silence as they remembered Lisa, and this was the part of Thanksgiving that Scarlett hated the most, because it opened the wounds and a bitter pain swelled in her soul. She wanted to remember the way Lisa laughed and the stupid little things she did, or the way she always mixed together everything on her plate.
'It all goes down the same way!' she used to say. But whenever Scarlett thought of those things she quickly became overwhelmed with the night that Lisa died. Scarlett was at home when it happened—when she got the call—but when they arrived at the hospital it was already too late. She hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye and it had been so long that Scarlett couldn't remember what their last conversation had been about, although it was probably something inconsequential. But all Scarlett could think about were the last moments of her sister's life. For all their life they had been so close that people assumed that they were twins, and their bond went so deep that it was almost like having a phantom limb. She felt what Lisa felt and vice versa, but when the accident happened, Scarlett didn't feel anything. She hated that Lisa had to be alone and wondered what had been going through her mind in the split-second before she lost consciousness. Did her whole life flash before her eyes or was she only aware of the twisting metal and searing heat that blazed around her?
The doctors said that it all happened so quickly that she wouldn't have suffered, but Scarlett didn't believe that. She only wished that she could have been there and let Lisa know that she wasn't alone.
It had been such a shock to the whole family when it happened. You always heard about these things happening, but never imagined that it would happen to yourself and how it would be like in the days afterwards. Even when Scarlett saw Lisa lying helpless in the hospital bed, she couldn't quite comprehend what was happening. Death wasn't like what it was in the movies. For months afterwards, it was hard to forget that Lisa wasn't there, that she simply didn't exist anymore. Scarlett wondered whether she had cried enough, or if she had cried too much. There wasn't a right way or a wrong way to deal with grief, and Scarlett had tried to channel it into something productive. Everything had changed for her and her parents that day. When Lisa died, a part of each of them had died as well.
What made it worse was that they never found out who killed her. The other driver had already been taken to hospital, and the crime had never been able to get to court for reasons that neither Scarlett nor her parents understood. In the end, it had taken too much energy and too much time to fight. All they knew was that the other driver had been taken to hospital as well, but there was nothing after that, and that had been the end of it. It didn’t seem just, but over time the Parkers just had to try and make peace with what happened.
Thus, they were left as three when once there had been four. Scarlett spooned healthy portions of food onto her plate and her mother raised a toast to her for her promotion.
“A media executive. Who knew you'd be such a high-flyer!” Janice said.
“I still remember when you used to eat crayons. You've come a long way since then,” Steve said. Scarlett narrowed her eyes at him.
“Do you know what kind of things you'll be working on yet?” Janice asked, ignoring Steve's comment.
“It's mostly going to be similar things to what I worked on before, but now I'll be in charge of all the campaigns. It's a lot more responsibility.”
“Well, you deserve it. We're both very proud of you.”
“That's enough about your job. What about your personal life? Is there any movement on that horizon? We aren't getting any younger you know, and we would like to have grandchildren at some point, preferably before we're senile so we're still able to play with them!” her father said.
Scarlett narrowed her eyes at him again and dug her knife into a piece of meat, tearing it away with relish.
“I'm very happy being by myself right now,” she said. “I've been through a lot recently and I'm just happy to focus on my job. If I met the right guy then that might change, but for now I'm just going with the flow.”
“It's a shame you and Matt had to break up, I always thought he was a decent guy.”
“Yeah, I did too,” Scarlett said bitterly. Janice quickly changed the subject, and for the rest of the meal they spoke about idle matters and current affairs, but each of them continued to glance at the empty seat, feeling the absence of Lisa, and the melancholia that came with it.
After dinner, Scarlett helped her mom clear up the plates and wash up while Steve went into the front room to sleep his meal away.
“So have you heard from him again?” Janice asked.
“Yeah. He keeps calling me. What should I do?”
“I guess all you can do is keep telling him you're not interested. Eventually he'll get the hint.”
“But what if he doesn't? I never thought he'd have this side to him. Things just went from bad to worse. I can't believe I ever saw anything in him in the first place.”
“I know. People are like that sometimes.”
“It would have been easier if he didn’t turn out to be a big jerk. I mean, if he thought there were problems, then why not come to me about them instead of going to someone else? It's not my fault that he has no ambition. What right did he have to get mad at me just because I wanted to focus on my career? And now he wants to make up? I'm seriously considering going to the cops about it if he doesn't stop. It's bordering on harassment.”
“Well, let's hope that he takes the hint soon.”
“I've given him more than a hint! I've got enough to worry about with the new job I don't need Matt spoiling it for me as well.”
“Are you looking forward to tomorrow?”
Scarlett sighed, calming her temper somewhat. She washed a plate, then stacked it next to the others, watching the soapy suds dribble down.
“Yes. I mean, it feels weird because I'm going to be working in the same building, so it should be the same, but I have no idea what the people on the new floor are going to be like. I'm going to miss everyone that I already work with, but I'm sure it'll be fine. Once I get there and find out what projects I'm working on, I'll be able to get down to work and it'll all go smoothly,” she said. They continued washing up and a comfortable silence descended upon them. There was so much that they wanted to say and so much left unsaid, but they both knew what was on each others' mind.
“What do you think she'd be doing now?” Scarlett asked softly. Janice paused for a moment, although she could have foreseen that the question was coming. Somehow the conversations always came back to Lisa even when they didn't want them to.
“You know what she was like. Every day she had a new plan she was working towards. I'd like to think she would have settled down a bit, but knowing Lisa she would have done something crazy. She'd have probably roped you into it as well.” Janice shook the water off her hands and walked over the edge of the room where there was a picture of the four of them. She held it in her hands.
“Do you remember when this was taken?” she asked without turning around.
“Sure,” Scarlett replied.
“There was a pier there and people used to go and swim with the dolphins, even though you weren't supposed to because they were wild, but Lisa wanted to. When I told her she wasn't allowed, she just looked at me like she couldn't understand why. She told me that she wasn't worried about them hurting her because she wasn't going to do anything to hurt them. She just wanted to be their friend. Sometimes I don't think she understood the way the world worked, and sometimes I think she understood it better than any of us.” A tear rolled down her cheek and Janice choked on her breath. Scarlett rushed over and put her soapy hands around her mother's shoulders.
“Oh, I'm sorry. I know it's been so long and I shouldn't get like this now, but sometimes it just gets to me. I still miss her so much.”
“I know, Mom. I do too. It gets to me as well. Sometimes I'll just be in a store and see her favorite flavor of ice cream, or a peach muffin, and I'll feel this pang in my chest. I’ll look around and realize that nobody else knows what happened, nobody else around me feels the way I do and I just... I just miss her. Sometimes I swear I still forget that she's gone and I'll go to share a joke or something with her, and then I'll remember. And it's just... it's just hard.”
“I know. Your father takes it the hardest I think. He doesn't like to show it but he still has a cry most nights of the week. We don't say it to each other but we both miss her. And it's so quiet around here now that you've moved out as well.”
Scarlett hugged her mother and then went into the front room. She had intended to leave early, but she ended up staying long into the evening, far after all the conversation had run out. They watched a movie and enjoyed each others' company, before Scarlett finally left and returned home to her empty bed and lonely apartment.
Chapter 3
When she woke up the following morning, she checked her clock to make sure that she still had plenty of time. This was the first day of her new job and her stomach was swimming with nerves—which was silly because she was just doing the same things she had done before, but she felt nervous all the same. After a quick breakfast she opted to wear something that looked professional but also relaxed, and then drove into the city. The building in which she worked was a huge skyscraper; a glass and metal tower that rose high into the sky. The sun gleamed off it and radiated down on the city. People marched along the street, an army of suited soldiers that had their own economic battles to fight under the flag of corporations.