In This Moment(81)

My indrawn breaths are shallow. I feel a stabbing, cramping sensation starting low in my belly. This is wrong. All wrong. “Cole,” I whisper, my body shifting back and forth. “What happened to you?”

I don’t understand the carved-out look in his eyes. I talked to him earlier and everything was fine. We made plans for him to come over at seven so that he could ride with Mara and me. He was laughing, joking about getting dressed up for my parents.

Cole turns so that I’m looking at his back. The grumble of distant thunder punctuates the quiet. His head falls back and he lifts his shoulders as he drags air into his lungs. “I can’t talk to you about it right now. Maybe later, but… I just wanted to let you know about tonight. Tell your parents that I’m sorry. Tell them that something really important came up and I couldn’t get there, yeah?”

“No.” My throat is closing in on itself. I’m only inches away from Cole’s body but I know that he doesn’t want me to touch him and that feels a bit like dying. I squeeze my eyes tight and bite down on the inside of my cheek. “No, I won’t tell my parents that you’re sorry because I don’t understand any of this. Cole, I-I want to know what happened and why you’re acting like this and looking the way that you look right now. You’re scaring me. Ha-have I done something?”

“Fuck,” he moans loudly. “Fuck!”

I blink my eyes open in surprise and see him pacing the walkway, murmuring and seething air between his teeth. He stops and rests his clenched hands on his hips.

“You haven’t done anything,” he says tightly. “It’s…it doesn’t have anything to do with us. I got a call from Sophie and she told me that my mom showed up there today.”

Another gust of wind moves over us. I take an involuntary step forward. “Cole…”

“She’s dying, Aimee.” His voice catches and his eyes reach into mine. “She’s got a terminal fucking brain tumor. She has six months—maybe a year—and she’s at my house with my little sister and my dad and they want me to fly out there and pretend that we’re all of a sudden a normal family again or some shit.” He curses and hits the wall next to the door with the flat of his hand.

My insides are twisted and tight like a thorny vine is growing straight up my middle. I don’t know what to say. Cole and I have come so far and I want to hold him and brush the pads of my thumbs across his lips and kiss a circle around his red eyelids but I know that’s not right. My voice is thin, barely above a whisper. “Did you speak to her?”

He moves his head sharply. “No. She tried to get on the phone to talk to me but I-I just couldn’t. Not yet.”

“Cole, you have to talk to your mother and hear what she has to say. I know it’s hard, but if she’s—”

“But nothing,” he cuts me off. “And where do you get off telling me that I should talk to my mom? When do you talk to your mom about anything important? When have you faced anything?”

His words scorch my skin. I’m shaking. “Cole…”

He closes his eyes. “Look, I know that you’re trying to help but you don’t know what you’re talking about. And I really can’t do this right now.” He gestures to me and backs away before I can protest. “I’m fucking sorry, but everything is messed up and I need some time to think.”

“Please?” I don’t even know what I’m asking him for. I just know that I don’t want him to leave. Not like this.

He waves over his shoulder without even looking at me. “I’ll call you.”

My head spins. When I hear the familiar sound of his truck engine coming to life, I keep my eyes trained on my bare feet, not trusting myself not to run after him.



***



I don’t expect the cars spilling out from the driveway to the street. Even over the sound of the rain battering the pavement, I can hear music and voices hammering from the house.

“Are you ready?” Mara asks.

I turn and look through the darkness fanning across the interior of the car. Mara is watching me. Jodi is searching the floorboard for her purse and an umbrella, holding her blue hair out of her face with one hand.

“I don’t know,” I hedge, turning back to the house. I’m nauseated. An awful feeling is sloshing around inside of me. “Maybe just showing up like this wasn’t such a great idea. They’re obviously throwing a party and Cole didn’t tell me anything about it…”

“Aimee!” Jodi’s voice is authoritative and snaps my attention back to the car. “I have just spent the past two hours building you up to talk to Cole. Now I don’t really care if he’s sleeping or jacking-off or having a party. There’s no way in hell that you are going to back out on me now.”