In This Moment(44)

“He’s asked me about you a couple of times. About… well, you know, but I haven’t told him much. I think that the story belongs to you.”

“Daniel… I-I…” God. Why can’t I speak?

“He likes you,” Daniel tells me like it’s the most natural thing.

I try not to let him see that my entire world expands and contracts with those three syllables. “I’m pretty confident that he likes a lot of people.”

Daniel pauses and I swear that in his silence I can hear the sound of my own heart over the thrum of the rain. There’s something different in his voice when he says, “Not like this.”

What does that mean?

“Look, Aimee,” he continues as he pushes his soggy hair away from his forehead. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you since I found out that you were enrolled here, and the night that we drove you home I didn’t really get the chance…”

“Uh, yeah. I feel like I should tell you that the behavior that you witnessed is really unusual for me. I’m not normally so… um, out of it.”

Daniel chuckles. “Out of it, blitzed, wasted, whatever you want to call it.”

“It’s not my usual thing,” I assure him.

Daniel lifts his hand. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“Honestly, Daniel, I feel like I do.”

Daniel looks at me with his sister’s eyes, not saying anything for a long time. I want to turn away but I’m frozen in place. I can see by the set of his shoulders and his jawline that he’s trying to censor himself. I should probably save him the effort and tell him that just because he doesn’t use Jillian’s name, it doesn’t keep her out of our conversation.

“No,” he says gruffly. “You don’t need to explain anything to me.” His intake of air is rapid. “What I wanted to tell you was that I don’t feel the way my mom did… or does. What happened after the accident wasn’t fair to you. If I had been home more maybe… I don’t know what I could have done, but maybe.”

Maybe. It’s a word that’s full of hope, but it’s wasted on me. Mrs. Kearns blames me for her daughter’s death and it’s not like I disagree. I left my unconscious best friend to die in the driver’s seat of my car. I should have been driving. I was supposed to be driving.

But I wasn’t, was I?

There are no take-backs, do-overs, or maybes about it. Every time I realize that, I’m sent back to that car—to that moment of clinging between life and death. And then I drop her hand again and it all becomes new.

“You couldn’t have done anything to change what happened, Daniel,” I say quietly, my heart aching for everything that we both lost. “And your mother has a right to the way that she feels. I-I don’t hold it against her.”

“This is probably not the best conversation to have in the middle of all these people, but maybe we can have coffee or something sometime soon.” He glances around the covered hallway and back to me. “And anyway, the rain is letting up.”

He’s right. “Well, if you talk to Cole, tell him…” What do I want him to tell Cole? “Tell him good luck from me.”

“Why don’t you tell your guy all by yourself?”

“He’s not my guy.” I tuck my phone into my bag and walk into the lightened rain.

Behind me, a voice calls. “Aimee!”

I turn, feeling a little sick to my stomach. Daniel’s got the blue hood of his jacket pulled back up around his face.

“Were you being serious?” He asks.

I squint against the wetness. “About what?”

Daniel smiles. “About Jillian wanting to get a nose job?”

I let out a held breath. “Yeah. I was being serious. She told me that she wanted to get a nose job after graduation.”

Daniel touches his nose absently. “Huh. She never mentioned it to me.” Then he’s gone—walking in the opposite direction.





CHAPTER TEN





Aimee



I could say that the girls don’t bother me, but that would be a lie. They bother me. A lot.

Every time Mara or someone else mentions Cole’s playboy reputation, I cringe. He certainly didn’t get it by keeping his hands to himself or his penis stowed safely in his pants.

I know that I have no right to jealousy, but I still don’t like being constantly reminded that Cole has many fuck-buddies.

Has or had.

I’m still working that part out. I brought it up the other night because all of a sudden, I couldn’t not bring it up anymore. Maybe that was stupid of me. And maybe he gave me an answer but I’m not really sure.