“That’s, um, pretty big. Why not start with something smaller and work your way up?”
“Because that’s not how I do things. Plus,” she taps her forehead, “I’ve already foreseen my mother’s reaction and any future regret that I might have over the ink will be dwarfed by the satisfaction that her shock will provide me.”
“Well, that’s… really, um… exciting. I can’t wait to meet Kyle.” I smile tentatively and look back to the keys of my laptop. We’re in the eastern corner of the second floor of the library in a quiet nook that I discovered during the third week of school. Jodi knows that she can usually find me here, sitting at a study carrel, between classes.
“Who knows… I might even love him.”
This snaps my head up. “Love?” I squeak. “You met him yesterday!”
“I know but…” She laughs, flutters her fingers against her cheek.
I narrow my eyes. “I don’t really buy into the insta-love thing. Love isn’t an accident or something that just…” I search for the right word. “… happens when you’re not looking. Love is a choice, not a chance.”
“Okay, maybe love was to strong of a word. But I do think that insta-something can happen. All it takes is one second, one brush of a finger to feel that… possibility. I can’t really explain it, but it’s like a connection or a sensation that radiates all through your body. Hot and cold. Excited and subdued all at once. And maybe that sounds crazy but I know that it’s real. I know it because I’ve felt it in here.” She sighs and points to her chest right above where her heart sits. “Haven’t you ever had that happen to you? Isn’t that what you felt like when you saw Cole for the first time?”
My breath catches in the back of my throat. Cole. I shake my head. “Jodi, that’s not—it’s not…”
She folds her hands together as if she’s about to start praying. “I take it from that look that you’re giving me and the general aura of sexual dissatisfaction emanating from you that things with the hot and tasty runner remain the status quo?”
I know exactly what she’s asking and I don’t think that I’m ready to have this conversation. Again.
“If by ‘status quo’ you mean ‘friends,’ then, yes, we’re still friends. He’s a total movie buff so he comes over some nights and we’ll watch something that I haven’t seen before and that’s about it. It’s not… it’s not a big deal.”
Jodi examines my face. “If you say so.” That’s all she says, but it’s the way that she says it that has me feeling off-kilter.
I know how things with Cole look, and I know how they feel—I just don’t know what to do about it.
For the last couple of weeks we’ve been hanging out. At least that’s what I think I’m supposed to call it if I have to call it anything. Most nights he comes to my place after he’s done training and we eat dinner, do our homework, and usually we wind up on my bed listening to music or watching a movie. And, despite what my sister thinks, watching a movie is not a euphemism for anything else.
I don’t understand it any more than Jodi or Mara, but I don’t need to sit around picking apart our relationship to know that I like being around Cole. He’s fun. He makes me laugh. It’s almost embarrassing how much I’ve started craving the low grumble of his pick-up truck and the sound of his flip-flopped feet stamping up the walkway in front of the townhouse. After a year of darkness, Cole is like a burning star brightening up my sky.
“Did he like the article?”
The article that I wrote about Cole and submitted for class was published in the student newspaper this past Friday. I can’t hide the curl of my lips as I say, “Yeah, he did. He sent a copy of it to his little sister.”
“Hmm. Cute. Very cute.” Jodi twirls a strand of blue hair over her index finger. “So, the assignment’s over, but loverboy is still hanging around? How interesting.” She puts on a mocking tone and narrows her gaze.
“He hasn’t tried anything with me,” I tell Jodi because it’s the truth.
She’s quiet. It’s like she’s sifting through the questions in her head, looking for the right one. Finally: “Do you want him to?”
Ah. Do I want Cole Everly to try anything with me?
My thoughts about Cole are so all over the place, it’s like everything inside of me is turning off and on all at once. He hasn’t asked me out on a date since that night back in August when we were both at Dirty Ernie’s. He flirts with me but that seems to be ingrained in his DNA so it’s not like I can take him seriously.