In This Moment(32)

“After she died, I made promises to myself. That night I—I made a mistake… one that I can’t take back. Not ever. And I don’t expect people to understand, but it changed me forever. I might not ever be okay again and I don’t want to weigh down someone else with all of that baggage.” I let out my breath. “I know that makes me sound like a crazy person but it’s complicated.”

He stares at me for a while. “I don’t think that you sound crazy. I think that you sound scared.”

“Maybe,” I admit. “You know, I agreed to answer questions in return for the interview. Fair is fair. So if you want to ask me about Jillian and that night, just do it. I know that you’re curious about it. You have to be.”

Cole’s quiet for a long time. “That’s true, Aimee.” His green eyes reach into mine and electrify all of my nerve endings. “I am curious about what happened. But that’s not the kind of story I want you to answer. It’s the kind I want you to tell.”





Cole



You don’t win races by going balls to the wall right off the starting block. You win by running smart—pacing your breaths, relaxing your body into the steps, and powering through the recovery.

I wasn’t lying when I told Daniel that I wasn’t playing a game with Aimee but that doesn’t mean that I’m not working out a strategy.

I like her. Plain and simple. And, yeah, it’s fucking with my brain and tying me up in knots, but I’m going to stay smart.

Aimee’s skittish. She’s like one of those wild animals that you see documentaries about on TV. And I’m the scientist who’s got to stay patient and move slow. I’ve got to leave out a trail of food and gain her trust by getting a centimeter closer each day. I’ve seen how this shit goes down—if I move too fast, she’ll bolt and I’ll have to start all of the way back at the beginning.

Tonight it feels like maybe something’s changed between us. There have been some moments that have felt, I don’t know, like they’re somehow more than all the others and it’s giving me hope. Or maybe I’m just growing a vagina and all of it is a product of my imagination. Either way—Aimee is talking to me about more than the weather so I’ll take it.

It’s dark when we leave the restaurant. Under the frail silver moonlight, she stops and pulls her phone out of that huge purse that she carries around with her all of the time. I watch her bite her bottom lip and one-handed twist her hair over her shoulder. I realize that it’s a nervous habit to try to cover up the scar on her neck. I want to tell her that she doesn’t need to bother—that she’s fucking gorgeous, but I’m afraid to push her too far. I don’t want to rock the uneasy balance that’s leveled out between us.

“I’m texting my sister for a ride home,” she tells me even though I haven’t asked.

My heart amps up but I stay cool. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll take you in my truck.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

This time, when we walk to my truck, I hold the door for her while she climbs in. Aimee has to brace her weight against the doorframe, and as she does, the fingertips on her hand brush against my forearm, light as smoke. Her eyes meet mine in the half-light and it takes everything in me not to lean in and press my body up against hers. It would be so easy. She’d probably even let me.

Before I can do something stupid, I slam her door and walk to the driver’s side. I swallow hard and then we’re headed east of campus, and I’m starting to think that offering her a ride was a giant mistake. In the tight confines of the truck cab, I can smell her lotion and her shampoo and I’m intensely aware of every single breath that she drags into her lungs. My body is so jacked up that I can’t think of a single thing to talk about and I want to touch her so badly that I’m starting to get jealous of the goddamn truck seat.

She makes a little sound and I glance over. Aimee’s got her arms wrapped around her chest and she’s almost shivering despite how warm it is tonight. Wordlessly, I adjust the air conditioning and point one of the vents away from her. I catch a quick smile before she turns her face toward the darkened passenger window.

My mind is all over the place. I’m remembering that last run at practice today and how I fucked up and let Brady overtake me at the end. And then I’m silently going through baseball statistics to try to get my mind off how incredible Aimee smells right now. Shit. And I can’t believe that I talked about my mom tonight. I never talk about my mom and somehow she’s managed to slip into my conversations with Aimee twice now. She probably thinks… Fuck. I don’t have a clue what she thinks about me.