Imperfect Truth(36)

Ava Readsalot: It would have been better if I weren’t alone.

Ryder Matthews: Oh really?

Ryder Matthews: and who pray tell would you have wanted with you?

Ava Readsalot: You, of course, silly boy.



It’s so easy, being on the computer talking to him. My guard is completely down. When we were together having coffee it felt so real, but this, I’m able to let go of all my inhibitions and just be me.



Ryder Matthews: The idea of you naked, God what I would do to lick every droplet of water off your body.



My body feels hot from this exchange, and as I contemplate my response, Alexandre walks in. Shutting down my computer, I don’t respond, rather I reach over to the glass lamp that sits atop my French provincial side table. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.



My eyelids flutter as he presses soft kisses across my collarbone. My fingers trail through his unruly hair. My mind focuses and awakens as I realize this is not a dream. My eyes gain their sight and I pull back.

“You’re so beautiful, Ava,” he whispers into my neck.

“Alexandre? What are you doing?”

“Ava I need you, I miss you…I miss being inside of you.”

A myriad of emotions shoots through me, but the most prevalent is anger. I shoot up pushing him off me.

“Now, you want to make love to me? Do you really think that I would just have sex with you?”

“I just saw you lying there sleeping, you looked so innocent, and I just thought…”

“Thought what?”

“You know what, just forget it.”

“It’s forgotten.” Shaking my head back and forth, I just can’t fathom his rationale.

“I can’t believe you.”

His back is already turned away from me. He doesn’t respond. I assume he has already tuned me out.





AS I WAKE THE next morning, my dark and lustrous hair fans across the white pillow. The contrast between the pristine bed and me is noticeably apparent. Looking over my nightstand, I notice the screen on my phone is lit up, indicating I have emails or a text message. Reaching my hand out to grasp it, I bring it back to eye level. It shows on the home screen that I’ve got seven emails and two text messages. Swiping my finger across the screen, I open the phone, type in my passcode, and start to read my mail.

One from a tour company newsletter. Sign-ups for advanced reader copies, or ARC’s for short, are available for my favorite New York Times best-selling author. I flag the email and make a note to sign up when I open my computer. The rest of the emails are pretty much junk. I hit the center button on my phone to refresh and enter my text messages.



Ryder: I miss talking to you.

Me: I miss talking to you too.

Ryder: What are you doing?

Me: Lying in bed.

Ryder: Thinking of me?

Me: Obviously Lol

Ryder: Lol?

Me: Of course I’m thinking of you.

Me: I’m signing onto the computer, I don’t like talking on my cell.

Ryder: I’ll just let you go.

Me: Give me one minute.



He doesn’t respond. I close out my text messages and pull my laptop off the side table and onto my lap. It takes a few minutes for the computer to reboot. I feel like time is standing still. Finally after the longest minutes of my life, my computer loads, and I sign on to Facebook.

Using my middle finger to navigate the touch pad, I click on the little icon that looks like a bubble for private messages. I scroll down to the “see all” and find my last message to Ryder.



Ava Readsalot: It’s exhausting thinking of you so much.



I sit and wait, and I wait and wait some more. After a few minutes, I finally give up and distract myself by posting on my blog page…Favorite Male Author?

I sometimes set up a post with the idea that I will be able to off-handedly promote his book. As a blogger I can’t play favorites. It would ruin my credibility. So instead I strategically post. I wait for comments to start, and when I see his name tagged, I smile to myself. Mission accomplished. I now have the in I need. I click on the comment, like it, and proceed to gush about how much I love his work. I scroll back to my PMs and check to see if he has seen my message. The bottom of the message I sent says SEEN AT 8:05 AM. I glance at the top right hand side of my computer. 8:07 am. Hmm okay. I type another message to him.



Ava Readsalot: Check out my post on my page… ;-)

As soon as I type it reads seen 8:08 am

A notification window pops up on my screen, an indication that he has liked and commented on the thread.



Ryder Matthews: Hey, baby!

Ava Readsalot: I wasn’t sure if you were busy

Ryder Matthews: Never too busy to talk to you.

Ava Readsalot: You are too sweet!

Ryder Matthews: I saw your post. Thank you, baby.

Ava Readsalot: Always my pleasure.