“Hello?”
I hear rustling on the other end of the line, and sounds of objects crashing to the ground. I can hear papers being thrown. My pulse picks up as dread and fear fill my veins.
Through the phone I can hear a conversation. My mom’s voice.
“I can’t find my keys. Where are my keys? Can’t find my keys, I’ve got to get to work.”
“Mom!” I scream into the phone, hoping she can hear me.
The sounds coming from the phone become clearer as if it were now placed closer to her mouth. I hear breathing through the earpiece.
“Mom, it’s me, Ava.” I speak calmly into the phone, as my heart races.
“What’s wrong, Mom?” I hear her breathing becoming more erratic as she hears me speak. “Calm down, shh, calm down. Everything is okay. You are okay, shh, it’s okay, you are okay.” My voice is soothing and calm.
“Mom, where is Tara? Shh, you are okay, can you get Tara? Inhale, Mom, breathe. Shh.”
I hear her breathing start to correct. I reach into my pocket and grab my cell phone. Holding my mom’s call to one ear, I dial Tara’s cell phone.
“Hello.”
“Tara? Where are you?”
“I was just making your mother some oatmeal, and then I stepped out to-”
“You need to go find her, she accidentally called me; she is having an episode.”
From my other ear I can now here Tara speaking calmly to my mother. Her voice echoes through both earpieces now.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Harrison. I was in the bathroom. I found her.”
“Thank you, Tara. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
As I hang up the phones, the dam bursts open, and I fall to my knees on the floor crying. I reach for my cell and dial Alexandre’s number. I hear it ring two times before I’m sent to voicemail. Tears are flowing freely from my eyes, and I sob uncontrollably lying on my dark wood floors.
My fingers start dialing on their own accord as I search for comfort. I’m crying so hard I’m hyperventilating.
“Ava? Baby? Breathe, baby, breathe baby.”
My tears start to diminish. My pulse regulates as his voice calms me. I swipe away the tears.
“Where are you baby?”
“In my kitchen on the floor.”
“I’m coming to get you.”
“You can’t.”
“The hell I can’t.”
“I’m okay, I just lost it for a second.”
“What happened, baby?”
“My mom, it’s just my mom, she accidentally called me.” I pause as my voice cracks. I inhale deeply, calming myself. “I will be okay, I promise, I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Where is Alexandre?” His voice sounds harsh.
“I don’t know, he didn’t answer my call.”
“He didn’t answer,” I could hear the disdain in his voice and for some strange reason I felt the need to defend my husband.
“I’m sure it’s not like that, he had a big meeting this morning. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional.”
“Ava, I don’t fucking care what he had going on. If you were mine, this kind of shit wouldn’t happen. I’m not telling you what to do, and this isn’t really the time to lecture you but,” he pauses, “you deserve to be with someone who will give you the support you need. You deserve strength, love. You are a beautiful woman, and you deserve nothing short of amazing.”
“I’m just not ready. I just, I can’t think about this yet. Can I see you later?”
“I can’t. I’ve got to finish this book. I have a deadline.” His answer is short. What did I do? I don’t even know what I did to piss him off, but something isn’t right. I need to know what I did.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why? Because I’ve got to work?” There is no mistaking the annoyance in his voice. I don’t understand his tone. He runs hot…then cold. The idea of him being mad at me is too much for me to handle.
“You know how important you are to me, right?”
“Yes, baby. I do. If you need me call me.”
“Okay, so we’re okay?”
“Yes, baby, talk to you later.”
Unease fills every part of my being. I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve disappointed him, that I’ve made him unhappy. The idea of him being upset with me, combined with all the drama with my mother, leaves me in a bad place. My soul hurts; I can’t help but see the negative. I can’t leave it like this. I reach for my phone and type a text.
Me: Thank you for being there.
Ryder: My pleasure.
Hmm. That was a bit short, Oh God, I’m just being paranoid. Shake it off, Ava. No time to worry about this…I’ve to go to my mom’s.