Ava Readsalot: Morning!!
Ryder Matthews: What are you doing?
Ava Readsalot: Drinking coffee.
Ryder Matthews: Send me a picture.
Ava Readsalot: Why?
Ryder Matthews: I want to see a picture of you.
Ava Readsalot: Go look at my profile pictures…
Ryder Matthews: That’s so different, everyone sees those pictures. I want to see a real picture of you. I want to see a picture of what you are doing now.
Ava Readsalot: Like of me drinking coffee???
Ryder Matthews: Yes Ava, send me a picture of you drinking coffee.
Ava Readsalot: I’m not even wearing makeup! NO WAY!
Ryder Matthews: Just send the damn picture.
Ava Readsalot: How about if you send one too?
Ryder Matthews: Can’t right now. Just use your imagination… devastatingly handsome.
Ava Readsalot: Haha…Okay fine. Don’t say you haven't been warned.
I grab my cell from the kitchen counter and cock my head to the side. Before second-guessing myself, I snap the picture and hit send. I see him typing and fear overcomes me. My pulse picks up, and I’m taken aback by my body’s response. I know this moment will change everything. Sending pictures to a man that isn’t my husband isn’t right. It’s inappropriate.
This makes everything real.
I know in the depths of my soul that nothing will ever be the same from this moment on.
Ryder Matthews: Wow, just wow!
Ryder Matthews: You, Ava, are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
Speechless. My heart is pounding out of my chest. I contemplate how to respond. How does a married women respond to that? Breathing heavily, I respond in my normal playful banter.
Ava Readsalot: LMAO Not really.
Ryder Matthews: You’re gorgeous.
I had never felt particularly special before this moment. I often felt rather ordinary, but having Ryder’s words filter through my brain, I’ve never felt more beautiful in my life. This relationship between Ryder and I is on precarious ground, although we were just friends, the lines have blurred more and more every day. As I sit at the marble kitchen counter and bask in his words, I decide to turn the conversation around…maybe to books. I had just read the latest novel from a male author named Marcus Wright. It is not a romance, but dark and gritty. It tells the story of a woman who is kidnapped and later falls in love with her captor. Her feelings are never reciprocated, and he systematically breaks her down and tortures her. Ryder and I often bantered about books and what we liked, but today is different. As I sit in front of my computer, coffee in hand, and feeling rather bold, I send him another message.
Ava Readsalot: What is wrong with me?
Ryder Matthews: Elaborate…it could be one of many things.
Ava Readsalot: hardy har har!
Ava Readsalot: No but seriously…forget it.
Ryder Matthews: You can tell me, Let your guard down, I’ll keep your secret safe.
Ava Readsalot: Fine. I just read a book about a woman being tortured and raped and I swear…Okay, no judgment…PROMISE????
Ryder Matthews: Of course not.
Ava Readsalot: I’ve never been more turned on in my life. I mean like ever!
Ryder Matthews: That’s because you want to give up control.
Ava Readsalot: What??
Ryder Matthews: Control, you know, to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
I look at my phone in disbelief. How the hell am I supposed to respond?
Ava Readsalot: Omg!!! Did you just write the definition of control???? You said you wouldn’t make fun of me :-(
Ryder Matthews: LOL I’m not making fun of you.
Ryder Matthews: I’m just telling you the truth.
Ava Readsalot: Wow, Ryder, I think you saved me. Me and my “control issues” Lol
Ryder Matthews: Laugh all you want, baby, but that’s why you’re not satisfied.
Ava Readsalot: Baby?
I decide to call him out. Not because I want him to stop. God, I hope he doesn’t stop. It’s become my new favorite word.
Ryder: Yes. Do you have a problem with that…baby?
Ava Readsalot: I guess not. So what do you mean not satisfied? Like in the bedroom or like in life?
Ava Readsalot: What makes you think I’m not satisfied?
Ryder Matthews: Well, are you? Are you satisfied in “life”?
Ava Readsalot: Well, no, but that doesn’t mean anything.
Ryder Matthews: Sure.
Ava Readsalot: But that doesn’t make any sense…I AM controlled in life…by my in-laws and I hate it…
Ryder Matthews: That’s different, Ava. You want to give up control to someone you feel will protect you…do you feel Alexandre does that?
I don’t answer, I just keep typing, erasing, and retyping. He must sense my trepidation, because he throws me a life raft.
Ryder Matthews: I need some help.