"It's all I think of when I lie in bed at night, Ryder," she said, gently running her hands through my hair. "If I didn't have that future to dream about, if I didn't have moments like this, I'd have nothing to live for."
Even though I didn't want to hear her say things like that, I knew just what she meant. If all I had was my life there but I didn't have her or the promise that someday we'd be away from there together, I'd want to stick a fucking gun in my mouth and blow my brains out.
"I won't do anything to hurt myself, though. I promise. I wouldn't put you through that again, Ryder."
I stroked her cheek and cupped her chin as I realized how beautiful she looked at that moment. I didn't tell her that if she did leave me here alone, I wasn't sure I'd live another month without her.
"I love you, Serena. Don't leave me here without you. I couldn't take it if you did."
"I won't. We're all we have. You and me. And one day, we'll leave this place behind and all the horrible things we saw here. We'll go somewhere, just you and me, and make a life we want."
Chapter Six
Serena
As much as I hated to leave Ryder's, I had to if I wanted to still keep us a secret. So after kissing him one last time and promising him this wouldn't be our life forever, I crept back to my apartment with the plan to be in bed when Oliver finally got home.
My blood ran cold when I turned the corner to head into my apartment and saw him leaning against his blue BMW, his arms folded and a triumphant smile on his horrible face.
I'd been caught.
"Out late, Serena? Coming from Daddy's office? Oh, but that can't be since I checked and he's nowhere to be found tonight. The guards at the gate told me he left an hour ago. So where were you?"
My mind raced as I worked feverishly to construct a lie he couldn't see through. "I went out for a walk in the garden and then went to the main house for a bite to eat since my father had told me the cook had made lamb special for him today."
Oliver's gaze traveled down my body and stopped at my bare feet. Grimacing at my lack of shoes, he said in a low voice, "I'd think your feet would be wet if you went out for a walk in the garden at this time of night, but they look bone dry. Want to try again?"
I began to walk past him to get into the house, but he grabbed my arm around my bicep and squeezed it tightly, bringing tears to my eyes. Leaning in close to me, he whispered, "I can smell him on you. Back to fucking him already?"
"Let go of me!" I cried as I attempted to pull away from his hold, only to have him tighten his grip on my arm until my skin burned. "You're hurting me, Oliver. Let go!"
"I knew that kid wasn't mine. That's why I had no problem getting rid of it. And the first chance I get, I'll get rid of the guy who's been fucking my wife too."
The mere thought of Oliver, with his scrawny body and small hands, going up against Ryder made me laugh in my husband's face. "Just try to get rid of him. He'll kill you where you stand. You don't know who you're dealing with, dearest husband, so let go of me and accept that I've got you just where I want you after what you did."
Fear filled his beady little eyes, and he pushed me away as hard as he could. Stumbling across the concrete driveway, I steadied myself and shot him a look before heading into the house. He could think whatever he wanted. If he thought Ryder was going to disappear that easy, he had no idea who he was.
That meant he didn't know who I'd been with.
Thankful for at least that, I undressed and climbed into bed, hoping to avoid Oliver for the rest of the night, like usual. In the state he was in, I didn't want to risk another fight with him. I may not live through a second one.
I closed my eyes and thought about that life I'd promised Ryder we'd someday have. I'd thought about it so many times I could picture it down to the last detail. We'd live in a cozy house with a yard for a dog and our kids and a white picket fence in the front. During the day, I'd take care of the babies while he worked somewhere doing an honorable job that didn't involve fighting or hurting people. Then at night, we'd sit on the back porch and he'd hold me in his arms as we looked up at the stars, counting our blessings as we thanked God for helping us escape this place.
It was what I thought of every night before I fell asleep, and sometimes I dreamed about that little house with the green grass and could almost smell the flowers I'd plant every spring down the front walkway. Yellow daisies or some other happy looking flower that told anyone who saw them that our house was full of love and joy.
We could be happy. I believed that, even though I struggled to remember more than a few days of my entire life I could truly say were happy. A few of them involved my mother, and then for a long time, all I had were days filled with questions why she'd left and lies my father told me to keep me in line.