So I did what he made me do, and when I got old enough and could make my own decisions, I continued fighting. And when I made some bad mistakes with money and got into Floyd for more than I could afford, I accepted he'd basically own me until I could pay him off.
I was the king of accepting the shit the world handed me and smiling as I said thank you for it. It's all I'd ever been since I was old enough to know what life was about.
Then I met Serena and for the first time in my life, I let myself dare to dream. To really dream, not just look forward to a day when things would be better but to think that life had something better in store for me than the constant helpings of shit it dumped on me.
I didn't understand how she had the strength to dream after everything her life had been. She'd had the best of everything money could buy, but when it came to things money couldn't buy, she was piss poor.
A mother gone in the middle of the night and no hope ever given that she'd be back. A father who saw her in terms of what use she could be to him. A sister who'd stab her in the back for a kind word from him and had more than once.
And out of all of that, Serena still refused to believe things wouldn't get better.
My phone vibrated against my leg, and I looked down to see a text from Jesse about getting together for a night out at some local bar. Shaking my head, I tossed the phone aside and mumbled, "Too late, pal. I'm half a bottle ahead of you."
A few minutes later, I heard a knock at my door and even though I knew Jesse would be standing there with a million reasons why I should go out trolling women at some hole in the wall bar, I figured I'd answer it anyway. Maybe he could take my mind off my problems for at least a little while.
I threw open the door and saw Serena standing there barefoot in jeans and a black sweater with sleeves that hung down over the middle of her hands and made her look even smaller than she was. The look on her face told me something had happened, so I quickly pulled her into my apartment and closed the door.
"What's wrong?" I asked as adrenaline pumped through my veins, instantly killing my buzz.
"I needed to see you. I can't stay in that apartment any more. I'm going crazy and I started to think about doing something," she said, wincing like she was in pain.
I held her by the shoulders and searched her eyes for what that meant. "What do you mean doing something? Doing what?"
Serena looked down toward her bare feet. "Don't make me say it, Ryder. I'm ashamed that I'm so fucking weak that I'd even think about doing that again."
A sick feeling settled into my gut. I knew what she meant. The memory of finding her naked in that bathtub bleeding to death right in front of my eyes raced through my mind, and I shook my head violently to push the thought away.
I couldn't think of her doing that again.
"Don't ever say that, Serena. Do you hear me? Never," I said, my emotions spilling out in my words.
She winced again and turned her head, as if she expected at any moment to be hit. "Don't yell at me. I didn't want to do it. I just said I thought about it."
I cradled her face and kissed her, loving the feel of her soft lips against mine. I'd missed that so fucking much.
"I'm sorry. I just can't think of you doing that again. It hurts too much."
A single tear slid down her cheek as her lower lip quivered. "I thought I could stay so strong, Ryder. I want to. I want to be the person who said all those things when I was lying in that hospital bed. I meant every word. I did. But now that I'm back in that apartment where everything happened, I don't know. It's like little bits of my strength chip away every day I'm there. I'm afraid I'll wake up one of these days and there will be none left."
I pulled her to me and held her close as she began to cry. I'd wanted her to be strong too, even if I hadn't wanted to go along with her plan to get revenge on Oliver.
She sobbed against my chest as I asked, "Did he do something to you? I want you to tell me."
If he did, I wasn't sure I could hold back from doing what I wanted to do to him.
Serena shook her head and looked up at me as she dried her eyes. "He says the same thing all the time. He threatens to hurt the two of us if he ever finds out who I was with. But he's had some big acquisition at work to deal with, thankfully, so I haven't had to see him much at all."
"That's good, at least. I hate thinking about him there with you. I lay in bed at night worried I'm going to hear sirens at any minute and I'm going to race over there and find you-"
I couldn't finish that sentence. Every damn night I dreaded hearing those sirens because I knew she'd be dead if I heard them. And then I'd have to live with the fact that I hadn't protected her when she needed me most.