She nodded as though his answer met with her approval. He was glad for that.
‘Were you still married to Stacie when you started writing as Tess?’
Christ, there she went, wrong-footing him again! ‘No. We were divorced long before Tess came into the picture.’ He braced himself for … For what? He didn’t really know. Did he expect her to play the part of the jealous girlfriend? He pretended not to notice Kendra’s scrutiny. The woman never missed anything.
She sipped her Diet Pepsi thoughtfully. ‘Well, it’s not like I can make any real comparisons. Like I said, Tess is the only romance writer I’ve ever read.’
Did he actually heave a sigh of relief that she hadn’t pursued the Stacie line of questioning any further?
Before he could think too much about it, she had already moved on. ‘Oh, I did skim several of the novels of the writers Tess was competing against for the Golden Kiss Award, but I don’t know. They just didn’t do it for me. They just didn’t make me feel it like Tess does.’ She waved a hand abruptly. ‘No, that’s not it either. They didn’t make me believe it like Tess does.’
OK, so he might be full of himself, but he was still completely taken aback that Kendra liked Tess Delaney novels, so who could really blame him if he wanted his ego stroked by the woman with whom he’d just had mind-blowing sex, and hoped to have more of the same very shortly. He scooted closer and captured her hand. ‘What do you mean, Tess makes you believe it? You mean like the plot is believable? You believe the characters?’
She looked down at his fingers curled around hers and ran her thumb along his. The color in her cheeks rose. The beating of her pulse became visible against her throat, and the scent of her, earthy and dark, mixed with his own; the scent of their lovemaking was nearly intoxicating, making his own pulse race, making him want her again, if anything even worse than he’d wanted her before.
‘No. It’s not that. I mean the characters, the plot, they’re all fine, and with the other authors too. Just fine.’
‘Then what?’ he said, scooting still closer.
For a second she studied him, as though he might be something she should run away from, and he tensed and sat very still, willing her to stay with him, willing her to tell him, willing her not to shut him out. She puffed out a harsh breath and forced a smile. ‘Tess makes me believe romance might possibly be – real.’
She was having trouble meeting his gaze suddenly, and the acceleration of her breath, he knew, wasn’t from arousal this time. Certainly the clench in his chest was not the response of lust he’d had a split second ago. It was sharper edged and far more uncomfortable.
‘Kendra.’ He scooted so close that he sat next to her, his thigh brushing hers, and he lifted her chin so she couldn’t look away from him. ‘Kendra, romance is real, maybe the most real thing ever because of what it can lead to, where it can take us. And it’s wonderful. Look at Dee and Ellis.’ The minute he said it, he wished he hadn’t. He knew that what she saw as his betrayal of his brother and Dee was the reason why she disliked him so much. But to his relief, she didn’t bring that topic up.
‘For them, yes. They’re the couple that get romance and love because they deserve it, because they fit together so well, like no two people I’ve ever known, other than those in Tess’s novels, I mean.’ In an evasive maneuver that took his breath away, she slid her hand free, stood, and began to clear the table. ‘But it’s not real, Garrett. Those people in Tess’s novels, they’re not real. Their lives aren’t real. Their struggles aren’t real. No one really gets a happy ever after. That’s for fairy tales. The most any of us can really hope for is a good fuck now and then.’ She stood with her back to him, rinsing the remains of their meal down the sink. ‘And marriage and kids, all that, ultimately it’s all just about settling, isn’t it? It’s all about taking what you can get because at some point you have to come to grips with the fact that you’ll never have what you really want. No one does. And if you’re lucky, you get someone who’s stable. And faithful. If you’re lucky. If you’re not, then you have to either live with it or walk away. That’s what you did, isn’t it? You walked away. At least when it’s just sex, you know what you’re getting and you have some control. No one gets hurt and no one ends up miserable. You don’t have any illusions about what you want or what you deserve. It’s just sex.’
‘Kendra.’ He moved to stand behind her feeling like his heart would explode from his chest, feeling her longing as though it would break him to pieces, feeling his own longing to make her understand, to make her feel what Tess made her feel. He placed his hands on her shoulders, and turned her to face him, then he guided her clenched fists, still dripping from the dishwater, to rest balled against his chest. ‘Kendra, do you think you don’t deserve romance?’ He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb along the exquisite line of her jaw. ‘Because you do, you know? Everyone deserves romance.’