Harris seemed distant, his hug brief, no smart-ass comment like he usually drops either.
"What happened between you and Harris, Kaleb?" I jerk my hand from his when we exit the door. The sweet smell of Florida hits my senses immediately. The tang of the salty air has me breathing it in. I'm home. American soil has never felt so good.
"I'll tell you when we get to my Jeep." I can't help but laugh, don't ask me why. I never gave a thought as to what kind of vehicle he might drive. Hell, I never thought about anything except the way he fucked me and the way he made me feel. A part of me wants to know everything I can about him, while the rational part of me knows I shouldn't.
"God, your laugh is beautiful." He stares down at me. For the first time since I met him, I feel my skin blush. It's strange being able to hear those words from him, knowing he can speak his mind now without having to hide anything. I'm at a loss for words.
"Thank you," I reply politely and feel extremely uncomfortable. This is so unlike me. I know I need a ride to the base to get my evaluation done and tell my superior officer what happened to me. I'll need to fill him in on how well Kaleb guided us through our mission, like the great leader he is.
It's a half-hour drive, and I'm worried about spending that much time with Kaleb. I'm afraid of the things he'll say. He made it perfectly clear in the hospital that he wants to explore what he thinks we have once we return home, and now that we have, I wish I would have told him I wasn't riding with him. I know damn well both Harris and JJ would have taken me.
I follow him across the street into the parking garage, keeping my eyes off of his tempting ass and the strong muscles across his back. He's mouthwatering. He's dangerous, and if I don't stay the hell away from him, he could destroy me. All he wants from me is a fuck. With the kind of man he is, I could easily fall for him. I may be strong, a soldier trained to harden both her inner and outer shell, but there isn't any amount of training that can guard my heart. He would break me. Shatter me. I can't have that. Especially with everything going on right now.
"Nice," I say when we stroll up to a white older model Jeep. "This is my girl. 1979 CJ5. My parents bought it for me when I was sixteen. I love this thing." He pulls out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocks my door before tossing our bags in the back.
"I like it, it's you." He turns toward me, crossing his arms over his massive chest. His gaze turns instantly dark. "Is that a compliment, Jade?" I study him. My mind is so foggy and the effects of the pain pill have to be lingering still; there is no way the woman that I am wouldn't have a smartass comeback waiting to snap back.
"Kaleb. I merely said it's you. Which means it's manly. Nothing more." His lips twitch. Why is this so strange?
"You're a shit liar, Jade. There's more. There will always be more. This wall you've suddenly built around yourself will not stop me. You know damn well I have the sources to blow that wall to shreds, to make it shatter. I have no clue what's running through that gorgeous head of yours, but we will be talking. You will listen and most importantly, Jade, you will become mine." He's speaking to me as if he's still my Commander, and I don't like it at all. Finally, I feel Jade swim to the surface, plunging her way through the murky waters and ready to show her true self.
"You don't own me. No one does. No one ever will. And if I decide I want to be in a relationship, it sure as hell won't be with a man like you." I'm so angry right now. I go to move past him, but he reaches out to draw me close to him. He wraps his arms around my waist carefully. I sigh out of frustration. This arrogant bastard will not listen to a word I say, and it's pissing me the fuck off. All he had to say was I will become his and the fog lifted from within my head. Like I'm something that can be owned.
"I don't want to own you. I want you to be yourself. To see you smile, laugh like you did back there when I told you I drove a Jeep. I want to surprise you with shit like that. To turn your world upside down, to drive you insanely mad with desire. Then turn around and fill that desire with everything I've got to please you. I know you can't get this shit through your thick skull, but goddamn it, Jade. How many times do I have to tell you that it's more than sex? I want us to get to know each other. Jesus Christ, what the hell are you hiding from?" I stand stoic. His words shock me to the middle of my chest. How can I tell him I have no idea what I'm afraid of when I don't even know myself? Maybe it's the way whatever this is between us started off. I knew the man for five minutes before I had his dick slamming into my pussy, making me want to yell out like a crazy woman.
Then it hits me, my brainwaves working overtime. I'm a slut. I let a man fuck me every way he could without knowing a damn thing about him. Without giving a second thought to the way I would feel about myself when we returned home. He knows everything about me, and I don't know a damn thing about him, except for the little bit he told me. How can he stand here and not see me this way? Not see me as the slut I am? I feel tears pricking my eyes and I hate it. I hate the woman who has returned home. When I left here trained and prepared, I never thought I would come back broken and weak. This isn't me at all.
I pull away from him somehow and try to find some sort of strength to speak.
"Kaleb, I'm not hiding from anything. I'm scared. With everything that's happened between us and then I shot that child. I can't think straight." My hands fly up to my head, squeezing the sides as the pounding headache travels from the back of my head around to the front.
"Come on then. I won't push you anymore about us for right now, but I won't give up, so you'll have to deal with it eventually. I want you. What I will push you on, Jade, is that you talk to someone about what happened out there. I can't help you with that. You may be pissed off, but I'm recommending that you do. Now let's go get this over with so I can take you home." He pushes himself off from the Jeep and extends his hand out to me to guide me up and in. All I can think about as I watch him walk around the front, climb in, stick the keys in the ignition, and crank his so-called baby on, is going home.
Our drive is relatively quiet. The raspy voice of Jimi Hendrix lulls me to relax in the seat. Although my brain won't shut up, the dread of telling my superior what he already knows has my head throbbing worse than it did. Kaleb is right. I need to talk to someone. A neutral person. I may be screwed up over what I've done. However, I'm not oblivious to the fact I could use some help. I know good and well it will be recommended to me. I sigh heavily. I want nothing more than to be myself. God, after this mission and the things I've done, I don't even know who I am anymore.
By the time we pull up to the gate and show our identity badges to the officer, I'm a mess.
"Can I drive you home?" Kaleb asks after he parks.
"I'm too tired to make the drive to Jacksonville tonight. I thought I would get a hotel." It's the truth. I'm starving, and as much as I would love to sleep in my own bed, the thought of driving tonight doesn't appeal to me; besides, he needs his rest as much as I do.
"Jade. I have a place fifteen minutes from here. Like hell you're staying at a hotel. Wait for me here if you're done before me." His eyes smolder over with intensity, and I feel a twinge inside. Jesus. I'm doomed. There goes my rebellious body again, thinking for me and defying every rule I've made for him.
"Okay." My response feels so awkward. This entire situation feels that way. The freedom to say what we want, to even have a civil conversation, is strange. I really don't want to stay at his place. It feels too personal. Too extreme. Hell, maybe I should request treatment in the hospital, or say goodbye now. I should just walk away, but I can't. Instead, I follow him inside, where he goes one way and I go another.
"I'm going to request you see one of our doctors, Jade." I knew this was coming. I'm okay with it. I know I need it. Maybe it will help me cope with what I've done.
"I agree, Sir. I'll make an appointment right away." Reaching across his dark wooden table, I retrieve the card from his outstretched hand.
"You did well out there. Now go. Make sure you call the first chance you get. I'm not clearing you for active duty until I receive a report back from the psychiatrist." He stands and straightens out his uniform before walking with purpose to the side of his desk.