I Was Here(104)

             “They told us she was involved with these sickos who preyed upon vulnerable people like Meg, encouraging them to commit suicide,” Joe says.

             “But you don’t know about Bradford?” They shake their heads. “Bradford Smith? On the boards, known as All_BS?” Still no recognition. “He’s the one who helped her, pushed her. He was like her death mentor. He coaxed her, offered her advice.”

             Sue nods. “Right. That’s how these groups work.”

             “But it wasn’t the group. It was him.”

             “How do you know about this, Cody?” Joe asks.

             I back up and explain. The encrypted file, which led me to the Final Solution boards, which led me to Firefly1021, which led me to All_BS. “I spent weeks on the boards, trying to smoke him out. It took a while, but I did it, and then I guess I got him to believe I was like Meg, and I sort of fooled him into calling me. He was careful about it, calling via Skype on a tablet, but I was able to trace the call and from there figure out where he worked and then where he lived.”

             They’re still staring at me. “You did all that yourself?” Sue asks.

             “Not exactly. Harry Kang, Meg’s former roommate, he did all the technical stuff, and another person drove me to Laughlin to see Bradford—”

             “You went to see this man?” Joe interrupts.

             “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I just now got back.”

             “Cody!” Sue admonishes in the same tone she’d scold Meg and me for staying out too late or driving too fast. “That was very dangerous.”

             Joe and Sue are watching me now with worried parental expressions. And though I’ve missed this, so much, I don’t want them looking at me like that. I don’t want to be their child. I want to be their avenging angel!

             “Don’t you see? This guy did it! She wouldn’t be dead if it weren’t for him.”

             “He told her to kill herself?” Joe asks. “He helped her do it?”

             “Yes! And he tried to help me, too! Look.”

             I flip open my files to show them the notes, the messages. But as I read what he wrote to Meg and me, what I see is a bunch of other people’s quotes. Links to other pages. Everything at arm’s distance. He didn’t tell Meg to use poison. He didn’t buy it for her. He didn’t offer me any specific advice beyond cold remedies. He never once outright said to me: You should kill yourself.

             I told no one anything, I hear him say. He’d almost taunted me when he asked me what specific advice he’d given. I remember wanting him to ask me about my chosen method so badly, but he never did.

             But that doesn’t change anything. He’s still responsible. “It was him,” I insist. “Meg wouldn’t have killed herself if not for him. He’s the reason.”

             Joe and Sue exchange a glance, and then they look at me. And then Sue tells me exactly what Tree told me a few weeks ago, only I didn’t hear it. How long have I not been hearing it?

             “Meg suffered from depression, Cody,” Sue tells me. “She had her first clinical episode in tenth grade. She had another last year.”

             Tenth grade, the year in bed. “The mono?”

             Sue nods, then shakes her head. “It wasn’t mono.”

             “Why?” I ask. “Why didn’t she tell me?”