“Have a good evening, Mr. Blackwood.”
I hand the valet boy a fifty and slide behind the wheel. Traffic is thankfully light and I reach Adriana’s office with five minutes to spare.
She must have alerted her office security because I’m escorted up to her office and let in by a security guard. I pace until the click of heels sends me to the door of her office.
She sees me and stops in the middle of the hallway. Her gaze rakes over my all-black clothing and she takes a nervous breath without moving.
“Why, Adriana. Don’t tell me you afraid of me?”
A single shake of her head. “You’re not violent. Not that way, anyway.”
I’m not sure why that soothes me, but it does. “Are we going to conduct this session in the hallway?”
“So you’re serious? You really want to talk?”
“Either that, or I want to fuck you up the ass. I haven’t quite decided yet.”
Her eyes widen and light up with suppressed excitement before her gaze drops. “Maybe we can do…both?”
I laugh. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? For me to send you back home to dear old Stanley with a sore ass and a heart brimming with fulfillment for all the good work you’ve done? Tell me, how is the darling husband doing these days?”
She resumes walking toward me. “Quinn, if you dragged me all the way here to toy with me, be warned, I’m not in the mood.” The practiced sway of her hips beneath the wraparound dress she has on contradicts her words. I don’t care enough to point it out.
I turn sideways for her to precede me into the office. She stops and stares up at me.
“Something’s happened,” she muses quietly. “What is it, Quinn?”
“Inside. Now.”
She walks in, and I shut the door. I decline the drink she offers, cross the room and drop into the sofa. Both hands spear into my hair and I search for words.#p#分页标题#e#
“You’re right. I’m…affected.”
“It’s understandable, seeing as your father’s back in the city—”
“It’s not him. Well, it’s not all him. But he’s being a good demon for now and staying in his allotted box.”
“Then who is it?”
“Names aren’t important.” I don’t want to mention her name here, even the names that I know are fake. Not in this place of sickening filth and half-baked healing. For the first time, I wonder what her real name is. Where she’s from. I catch myself and return Adriana’s stare. “All that’s important is how to get rid of it.”
“Rid of what? What are you feeling?”
“The need to succumb.” I say. My voice is barely a rumble. But with the time of night, and the quiet of the office, she hears me.
Her gaze moves over me. To the side. Down my arm. “Are you self-harming again?”
I silently commend her for not beating about the bush. She’s in full shrink mode, and I realize I need that.
“No. That’s not what this is about. Besides, harming implies an ongoing situation. Mine wasn’t. It was a one time thing.”
“But you said you’d been thinking about it for a while before you did it, so there was forethought.”
I shake my head once. “That’s not what this is, Adriana. Trust me.”
“Okay. Tell me in what way this person affects you, then.”
Her image rises up. Defiant. Gorgeous. Fucked up. Utterly fuckable. Dangerous. I shrug. “They’re poking holes in my black spaces.”
“And this distresses you?”
“Hell no. I’m distressed for them.”
“Why. Do they matter to you?”
I pause a second before I answer. “There’s a potential they might fall through my cracks. I don’t need the collateral damage. I thought I didn’t care. I’m still not sure that I do. But it’s…affecting me.”
“Maybe consider cementing your cracks first? Put off involving this person in your situation just yet?”
I think of my fingers touching her satin-smooth skin, the white-hot flame on my desolate landscape. “It’s not that easy. I’m already invested.”
“Have you thought about setting yourself a hard limit?”
“It could be too late.” I have a feeling it’s already too late. For Quinn, anyway.
Q is another matter.
“Only you can decide by which point the investment will begin to lose its value. You’re not afraid of making tough choices, Quinn. But you also enjoy the buildup of chaos. That has been one of the things you’ve refused to tackle. Maybe now is the time to start?”
“Timing’s not good for me. Come up with another solution.”