I see red.
I'm pissed and hundreds of miles away. When the fourth text comes in, I grit my teeth before looking at it.
Carly: Thought you'd want to see what your girl is up to.
I squeeze my eyes closed. They're friends. Berklee has told me so countless times. She wouldn't do this to me. I keep repeating that over and over in my head.
Another text alert. This time from Berklee.
Berklee: Miss you. Tonight went fine. I'm heading home now. Zane is going to walk me to my car.
I read her message over and over again. Do I reply? Do I ask her about the pictures of her and Barry? Fuck! No, she wouldn't do that, not Berklee. If I could only see her, be face-to-face. Then it hits me: FaceTime.
Me: FaceTime when you get home? Drive safe.
Berklee: I guess. I really will see you soon.
Would she be willing to FaceTime with me if she was going home with him? That's when I remember that she lives with the fucker. If it weren't for the fact that she would be going there alone, I would have her go to my place.
I pace back and forth in my room, waiting for her to call. When my phone rings, I hit the button so hard I'm surprised I don't crack the screen.
"Hey! Why didn't we think to do this earlier today?" her sweet voice asks.
She's beautiful. Her red hair is up on top of her head and she's wearing one of my T-shirts. Surely she wouldn't be wearing my shirt and then go to him?
"You okay?" she asks.
"Yeah, tired is all. Ready to come home to you." I watch her closely for a sign that she's been with him. Nothing, just my Berklee.
"I'm so ready for you to be home. I know it's only been a day, but it feels like longer."
"You feeling better?" She looks better than she has all week.
"Yeah, a little better every day."
"Good thing or I was going to force you to go to the doctor."
"I um, I went today, actually. Just, you know, for reassurance, I guess. All checks out fine."
"Glad to hear it. So tonight everything went smooth?" Again I watch her reaction and get nothing out of the ordinary. Not even a flinch.
"Yes. Maggie, Alan and Barry, and this girl Amy, who Barry's been on a couple of dates with stopped by. I sat with them for a while. Thought it would give the security guys a break if I stayed in one spot." She giggles and I let the familiar sound wash over me. My eyes are closed when she whispers, "I miss you, Crew."
Slowly I open them and stare at her image on the screen. She's lying in bed, head on the pillow, phone propped up. "I miss you too, baby." She yawns and I suddenly feel bad for keeping her up when I know she's not been feeling well. "Get some sleep. I'll be home in the morning. My flight lands at ten."
"Yeah. Night, babe," she whispers, already half asleep.
"Night," I say. I see her hand snake out, and then she's gone.
Lying there in bed, I try to keep my shit under control. I know I'm a possessive, jealous asshole when it comes to her, but she's my fucking heart. I'd rather be that guy and protect her, keep her with me, than the alternative of losing her. What if the pictures are of the two of them sneaking around? Can I forgive her? Can I live without her? My phone vibrates with another message.
Carly.
I contemplate opening it, but do I want to see any more? Eventually I give in; it's like a bad accident that I just can't look away from. The message is yet another picture, this time of Berklee in the bar, I think by the door. Barry has her pulled in to his chest, holding her, his chin resting on her head. Motherfucker! I throw my phone across the room, not giving two shits if it's in shambles. It can match my heart.
She just fucking broke me. The love of my life just ripped my heart out.
Hours later, I turn off the TV and try to get some sleep. It's pointless though, as I toss and turn most of the night. Why did Carly send those pictures? Berklee has never given me any reason not to trust her. But the pictures speak for themselves. Will she admit it? Will she tell me the truth when I confront her? The images will not get out of my head. Eventually I do fall asleep from pure exhaustion, only to be woken up a few short hours later to catch my flight.
Once my plane lands, I pull out my phone that survived being thrown against the wall and text Berklee.
Me: You home?
Berklee: No, on my way to your place. I was going to try to surprise you.
Me: You did.
Berklee: Haha. See you soon.
I shove my phone back in my pocket and head to the parking lot. I need to see her, hold her in my arms and know this is all in my head. I'll be able to tell if she's hiding something then, when she's in my arms.
I hope it's all just a ploy on Carly's part. She's one of those women who will go to any lengths to get what she wants, and she's got it in her head that she wants me. I've seen the way she watches me.