“All the better to eat you with, my dear.”
I was so not Little Red Riding Hood. My aunt’s skin began to bubble and transform. “What are you?”
“Something more,” Sophie’s voice was a raspy hiss as she took on demonic form.
“If you believe this to be real, it will become real,” Granny Annabel’s voice echoed in my head.
Dammit, this was nothing but a dream. A dream Aunt Sophie controlled. Drawing on every ounce of power I had, I broke the mental link.
Her scream of rage reverberated in my head as I fought my way back to consciousness. My eyes popped open; I bolted upright with a terrified gasp and glanced around wildly.
Where the hell was I? The bedroom was right out of Better Homes and Gardens. The bed beneath me was massive with an enormous canopy and silky black sheets.
My eyes widened as I took in the luxury accommodations. Wow! The room had a log beamed ceiling, a beehive fireplace, a freakin’ wet bar and a large patio with a great view of some impressive red rocks. “Not Seattle,” I breathed in relief.
“No, Sedona,” Granny Annabel said and materialized next to me, wearing her gypsy garb.
I rubbed my aching head. “Aunt Sophie’s getting stronger.”
“No, she’s not, you are,” Granny stated firmly.
“My traitorous daughter could only access your mind because of the concussion but even injured, you were able to break her hold.”
“I think she sold her soul.”
Granny Annabel spat, “Crisito Santo, male deo ojo. The fool bound herself to Asmoday.”
“The big, scary serpent demon?”
“Si. He is the king of the Ninth Hell.”
“Wow, not good. Got any idea of how to destroy it?”
“Asmoday cannot be killed.”
“Can we at least send it back to hell?”
“With the proper tools, it can be done.”
“Okey-dokey, do we have the proper tools?”
“No.”
“Do we know where to get them?”
“The Vatican.”
“Oh. Great. You think the Pope is still pissed at me for spilling the sacramental wine all over him?”
“He is the Pope, he must forgive you,” Granny answered, a slight smile on her face.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“I was pushing too hard,” Granny answered and her ghostly fingers stroked my hair. “I just want you to be safe.”
“Derek can’t defeat Sophie.”
Granny Annabel sighed. “No. Only you can. It is your destiny.”
Yippee-ki-yay. My destiny sucked. Sometimes I felt like a chunky Snow White battling the evil Queen who wanted to enslave her. But this wasn’t a fairy tale where Prince Charming rode to the rescue and we got to live happily ever after.
Nope. With my sucky luck, my fairy tale would have a gross, bloody ending. If Aunt Sophie won, I would be bound to her forever and I’d die before I let that happen.
I noticed Granny’s concerned frown and gave her a reassuring smile. “How long was I out?”
“Eight hours.”
“Omigod!” I swung my legs over the side of the bed. “I’ve got to get out of here! Derek probably has a tactical unit surrounding the place.”
“Your man has no idea where you are and he is sick with worry.”
I snorted. “The only thing he’s worried about is me finding the gold first.”
“Alone, neither of you will find Montezuma’s treasure.”
“Teamwork, huh?”
“It is the only way.”
Like that was going to happen. My left arm screamed in protest and I noticed the IV bag for the first time. “Who put in my IV?”
“Aldo called Doctor Rossi and he flew in from Las Vegas.”
“I thought the casinos banned him.”
“They did but he disguised himself as an old woman.”
“How did that work out for him?”
“Badly. The good doctor drank too much and relieved himself in the women’s restroom sink.”
“Bet that caused a stampede of freaked out women.”
“Worse, he did it in front of an off-duty cop.”
“Good God, I’m surprised she didn’t bounce him off the walls a few times.”
Granny laughed. “Too many witnesses.”
“Lucky him. Ever since his wife left him he’s been pulling some wild stunts.”
“Natasha damaged his pride.”
“She did more than that. Sebastian sprung him from lockup?”
“Of course.”
“Where’s Fabian?”
“Our peacock is preening at the pool.”
I rolled my eyes. “He does love to flaunt it.”
“Si and women keep flocking to him.”
“He’s not wearing that stupid nude Speedo is he?”
“The paramedics have been called twice for women fainting at his magnificence.”
The door suddenly burst open and Fabian shouted, “Bella, you’re awake!”
My eyes bugged as Fabian strutted in with a fully erect penis straining the material of his beige Speedo. “Omigod! You’ll poke out an eye with that thing.”
Flicking back his long black hair, Fabian flexed like a weight lifter before draping himself artistically along the couch. “I must please my fans.”
I noticed a dollar bill protruding from his waistband. “You’re not a friggin’ Chippendale dancer and you shouldn’t let women treat you that way. Have some self-respect.”
My cousin shrugged and kissed his fingertips.
“It’s amore. Sono innamorato”
Love my ass. “You’re such a man whore.”
Doctor Rossi hurried through the door and quickly shut it.
My jaw dropped. A dead critter perched precariously on top of the doctor’s shiny bald head.
A multitude of gold chains adorned his rather furry chest and a banana sized pecker tented his red Speedo.
“How are you feeling, Zelda?”
“Okay. Holy cow is that a…” I took a closer look at the old guy’s Speedo and clamped a hand over my eyes. Omigod! It was a banana! I was traumatized for life and did he really think women wouldn’t notice?
A hot, moist hand touched my face. “Are you in pain?”
I flinched away from his hand. No tellin’ where it had been. “I’m fine. Really. I should be going.”
Throwing back the sheet, I hopped out of bed and gasped as my vision swam. I crashed to the floor, knocking over the IV stand.
“We can see how well you are doing,” Fabian groused, picking me off the floor he stuffed me back in bed and righted the stand.
That’s when I realized I was butt ass naked! I jerked the sheet up to my neck. “What happened to my clothes?”
“I threw those bloody rags away,” Fabian announced in disgust.
Doctor Rossi gave me a stern look. “You must rest for the next forty-eight hours.”
“Forty-eight hours! But… I can’t wait that long.
I need…”
“To rest,” Granny Annabel stated firmly as she faded away.
“Derek’s out there looking for me.”
“Have no fear, bella, if he shows up, I will handle him,” Fabian said dismissively.
I slumped against the pillow with a groan. The fool really believed that. “I’d feel a whole lot safer with a stun gun or a Taser.”
Fabian opened the night stand drawer. “Your stun gun and Taser are right here.” With a flourish he picked up a plate of cookies off the wet bar.
“And for my most favorite cousin, I brought you chocolate chip cookies made by Henri’s own hands.”
Henri’s cookies were the best of the best.
“Bless you. I take back every mean thing I said about you.”
He held the plate just out of reach. “I am no longer a man whore?”
“No, you are the best cousin ever. Now give me the freakin’ cookies.”
“No cookies,” Doctor Rossi commanded as he took the plate away from Fabian and set it back on the counter.
I let out a wail “No cookies! That’s just mean.”
“No solid food until tomorrow,” the rather hairy doctor answered.
“But…”
“You did vomit all over Dixon,” Granny commented in my head.
She had a point and my stomach was still a bit queasy. “Okay, no cookies. Could my most favorite cousin in the entire world loan me a t-shirt to sleep in?”
Fabian cocked an impertinent eyebrow at me.
“Women should always sleep in the nude.”
If I was a size zero, which I wasn’t, I might think about it. I gave him the evil eye and in my best mean mother voice commanded, “Shirt. Now.”
“You’ll never catch a man this way,” Fabian grumbled as he walked over to the dresser, pulled a black t-shirt out and handed it to me. “Happy?”
“Very and I’m hunting for gold, not a man.” I hurriedly pulled the shirt on.
Granny insisted, “You need to rest. What are the chances of Derek looking for you in a luxury resort?”
Slim. “As long as we keep a low profile for the next couple of days, it should be safe.” I shot Fabian a look. “Low profile means no more strutting around in that Speedo.”
“You wound me, bella. I would never do anything to harm family.”
“And Rome was just fluke?”
Fabian’s lower lip jutted out. “She was a goddess. How could I resist her?”
“She was an Interpol agent who was using you to get to Uncle Aldo.”