‘Is that what I think it is?’ I asked carefully.
She raised her eyebrows flirtatiously. ‘What do you think it is?’
‘Cocaine,’ I replied sternly. I wanted her pussy. I fucking wanted to devour her, but no way was I getting into that shit. She was going straight into the shower before I stuck my tongue into that delicious hole of hers.
She shook her head slowly. ‘Nope. It’s not coke. Come and see what it is.’
I frowned suspiciously.
‘Go on, be a devil,’ she urged.
I walked up to her. She opened her legs a fraction more and pushed her groin upwards so her white-smeared flesh begged to be eaten or fucked senseless.
I looked into her knowing, laughing eyes and I knew. I was as safe as a baby at its mother’s breast. I pushed her down on the table and swooped on her sex.
Sugar.
Powdered fucking sugar.
But hey! What a fucking turn-on. She had deliberately added the illegal forbidden element into an already explosive mix. I licked every last bit of it. Swirling my tongue around her clit and flicking the tiny white stem until she writhed in ecstasy.
I remembered that she had sneaked some up into her, too. I pushed my tongue as deep as it would go and licked it all out. And when it was all gone and only the tasty taste of her remained I clamped my mouth over her clit and I gave her what for. I sucked and sucked and sucked until she screamed and tried to push my head away, but still I did not stop.
That’ll teach her—smearing sugar all over her pussy!
And lo and behold she came again. By the time I laid her on the bed she was utterly spent so I fucked her and spilled my drink inside her. I fell asleep with my arm curled around her waist. It was a good feeling. My last thought was I’m gonna make her mine.
Olivia
I didn’t know what had woken me up, but suddenly I was wide awake. And the only thing in my head was the expression on Marlow’s face when he said that perhaps my memories would never return. Even though I was drunk I had felt it. He didn’t want my memories to return. There was something in my past that was so awful that he did not want me to access it.
His palm was spread on my stomach. Very slowly I lifted it and as quietly and as gently as I could I slid out from under it. I rolled and stopped, then rolled again and then slowly dropped my feet to the ground. Making as little movement as possible I got out of bed and left the room. By the mirror I saw the bunch of keys. I had one chance to do it tonight. He had left all the equipment in the soundproof room and walked out after my session, which meant that my recordings would be easy to access.
I dressed quickly and, closing myself in the kitchen, I called the minicab company I used. I whispered the address and told them to text me when they were outside. Then I switched the ringer off and kept the phone in my hand. Less than ten minutes later my mobile vibrated in my hand. I took the keys and carefully opening the front door walked down the steps and went out into the night.
The night was chilly, and the sky midnight blue with not a star in sight.
23
Olivia
It was not a long drive to Marlow’s office, but it felt like an awfully long time. I was so nervous I dropped the money while I was trying to pay the taxi driver and had to scramble around on the taxi floor for it.
He was a decent sort of fellow.
‘You sure you don’t want me to wait until you get in your door? Can’t be too careful these days.’
‘I’m sure I’ll be all right,’ I said.
After he drove off I wondered if I should have let him wait for me. The street was completely deserted and eerily quiet and the first few keys were not the right ones.
I tried all the bigger keys in the door until the lock turned. Relieved, I swung the door open and quickly closed it firmly behind me. The alarm started bleeping. Beryl had given me the code the last time she slipped me in so I keyed it in. The bleeping stopped. I did not switch on any lights. The only illumination came from the emergency lights on the stair landings, but it was enough. I felt like a thief as I ran lightly up the wooden stairs. On my third try I found the key to Marlow’s office. I went in and stood in the shadowy space. Some part of me was afraid of what I was about to do.
But for so long now the curious flashes, hints and impressions had come, catching me unawares and sometimes startling me. My deeper mind was conscious of some shadow, some vague unrest that needed to be let out from my past and into my future. I drifted in the shadows, slowly. Like a ghost, letting my fingers trail along the wall, the desk, the gray cabinet. My breath misted in front of me.
I needed to do this. I was changing. Every day I was becoming more and more of something, but until I had all the elusive memories, everything that belonged to me, I could never really be me. Everything always came back to my lost memories. It was important. And I wanted them back. Whatever they may be, they were mine.