God! I’ve been blind. So blind.
11
Marlow
Hearse was playing in the background—bittersweet, gutterfolk songs. Fireworks came on and the twanging sound of an electric guitar filled the air. A man’s voice sang, ‘Gonna be here all night’.
She stood at the door wrapped up in my bathrobe. She had rolled the sleeves up, but it was way too big for her and it trailed on the floor. Her skin was red, her eyes swollen. We stared at each other. She moved her arm and I glimpsed a curve of pale soft skin.
She was naked under my robe! Music swirled around us. Lust raged inside me. That’s what one taste of an obsession does. It makes you a savage. What did she know? Coming here and telling me to go on and damage her. I wanted to open her up and fuck her until she screamed for mercy in that touch-me-not voice of hers. My breath came heavily. Get a grip. My fists clenched. This couldn’t be about me.
‘I’ve made coffee,’ I said.
‘Thank you, but no.’ Her voice sounded strained.
‘Your clothes will be ready soon.’
‘What are you hiding, Dr. Kane?’
I froze. That’s what you do to dogs in heat. Throw a bucket of cold water. You’re left with a boner and no desire. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.
‘You know some secret about me, don’t you?’ she accused.
I felt the cold hand of fear for her.
‘So it’s true,’ she cried, her eyes enormous with shock. ‘You’ve found out something about me that you have not allowed me to remember.’
‘Listen—’
‘How could you? How dare you?’ she gasped in disbelief.
‘Hang on—’ I tried to explain, but she cut me off.
‘I trusted you,’ she whispered, backing away from me.
I moved toward her and she held up a warding hand.
I halted immediately. ‘I was protecting you,’ I explained. Even to my own ears it sounded weak.
‘Protecting me? From what?’ she barked. ‘Here’s an Americanism you’ll understand. Bull-fucking-shit. Just tell me the truth. What is it?’ she shouted, her voice now high and hysterical.
‘Ask yourself why I would have done something like that,’ I said in the most unemotional voice I could reach for.
It stopped her in her tracks, the anger leaving her as suddenly as it had come. She wrapped her arms around herself and frowned with confusion. ‘Why?’ she asked suspiciously.
‘I have nothing to gain from full disclosure, but you have everything to lose. Please, Olivia.’
‘Oh God! What is it?’ she sobbed slapping her hands to her cheeks. Her knees buckled and she fell to the ground. I strode over to her and carried her to the couch. I lay her on it and put some cushions under her head. She stared up at me fearfully. ‘Do my memories have claws?’
‘The problem is not insurmountable. I just need a little time to really help you. Will you trust me?’
‘I do trust you, Dr. Kane.’
‘Thank you, Olivia.’
She worried her lower lip. ‘Have I done something really wrong?’
My heart skipped a beat. ‘No. You have done nothing wrong.’
‘Has someone done something bad to me?’
I looked her in the eye. ‘It seems that way at the moment.’
‘Is that why I can’t remember?’
‘Maybe. There is no physical reason you cannot remember. Your mind doesn’t want you to.’
She frowned. ‘If it had happened to you, would you want to remember?’
I thought about the burning car, the smell of them burning, and I smiled sadly. ‘No, no, I wouldn’t.’
She nodded. ‘Something bad happened to you, didn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ I said and fuck me, I felt tears gather at the backs of my eyes. All these years I had never shed a single tear. I had been frozen with horror and now the tears were threatening. I blinked. More in shock than anything else.
She lifted her hand and ran her thumb along my eyelashes, then put her thumb in her mouth. ‘I ate your tears,’ she said. And she sounded like a child.
Son of a gun, but I think I’m falling for her. I stared incredulously at her, the truth of my situation dawning on me. I was fucking falling for her. Every time we met, a little more. I was already neck deep.
‘Yeah, you ate my tears,’ I said slowly, as another tear rolled down unchecked.
She lifted her body and, coming close to my face, licked my salty cheek.
The action had an undesirable effect on my body. Like a half-trained polecat my cock reared its ugly head. I tried to move away from her, but she grabbed my forearms with both her hands. I looked down at them, so small and delicate and yet surprisingly strong. I looked up again into her eyes.