How (Not) To Be Seduced By Billionaires (Books 1-3)(47)

"Why the fuck should I do that when he's hurting you?"

"Because," I said, crying harder, "it's what I want to hear."

"No."

I wailed more loudly.

Alyx exhaled. "Okay, okay, you should not leave him. You should totally hang on to him."

The words made me feel marginally better, even though she said them  under duress. Trying to sniff back my tears, I said, "Help me fix this,  Alyx. Please." It took a lot for me to say that last word. I guess in  that way I was like Constantijin, too.

Alyx looked like she wanted to throttle me. But in the end friendship  won over common sense and she said reluctantly, "I get it, Yanna. You've  always been like this. You hate giving up."

I nodded.

She shook her head. "But this time it has to be different. You see that,  don't you? I know you never want other people to say that you quit and  that's why you like to hang on, but sometimes, you just have to cut your  losses, you know? There's nothing shameful about it."

The truth in her words burned a hole in my heart, and I had a hard time  breathing through the pain of it. Finally, I whispered, "One more  chance---just one more chance for him and then if we're not, you know,  then it's over."

Even now, I couldn't spell it out clearly.

"It's the right thing to do," Alex said.

I knew that, but it still wasn't what I wanted to hear.





Lesson #12

Your billionaire will not know when to stop until it is too late.



The day Constantijin and I broke up came as a surprise. Will you believe  it? I mean, I should have, like, totally expected it. But I hadn't, and  I paid the price for it.

It was three in the afternoon, and the entire floor of Kastein Inc. was  completely quiet. It was usual these days, as if everyone was affected  by the tension between Constantijin and me.

These days, I did my best to drown my heartache in work, and I was doing  so well even Charli ran out of snowflakes to pass on to me.

"Go and take a break, Yanna," Charli growled. But because she had this  really cool French accent, it ended up sounding something really  sophisticated, like she had just told me her favorite flower was  Casablanca lily. You know what I mean.

I planted myself next to the door adjoining our offices. "No. It just  occurred to me that we're not taking advantage of the tween market here  in the U.S. and I found the perfect manga---"

"If you do not leave your office in five seconds and have your lunch, I  will assign you to take on a classic literature project with Arian."

"I'm going." God, Charli was so devious. She just knew what my worst  fears were. If that ever happened, I knew Arian would take every chance  she could get to make it clear to me that her Ivy League diploma made  her the better judge about literature.

"Yadda, yadda, yadda," I muttered to myself as I stepped out of the office.

And then I heard it.

Across the hall, near the doors leading to Constantijin's offices, I heard his voice  –  and hers. Arian's.

They were just talking about … work. They had to be talking about work.  What else could they even talk about? By the time I finished  rationalizing the situation, I was standing before the corner of the  hallway, and one step was all it would take for them to see me.

Arian was giggling. "Mr. Kastein, you shouldn't say such things!"

"Constantijin, please. You make me sound too old for you when you call me like that."

Arian's tone became husky. "Then Constantijin, you can't say I'm beautiful. It's not right when you have a girlfriend."

"Why is it wrong when I'm only stating a fact?"

My heart lurched. It was like déjà vu, a nightmarish version of the exchange I had with Drake a few days ago.

Constantijin wasn't saying anything wrong. In fact, he wasn't even  saying anything I hadn't heard before. Constantijin was the type who  dished out compliments all the time. He told his sixty-something  housekeeper she was beautiful all the time. He complimented the shy  receptionist at the lobby all the time, telling her she had great taste  in clothes, that her hair was pretty.

He was that kind of man, and none of it used to matter.

Until now.

This time, his words sounded different, and my chest slowly started to ache.

"How are you and Yanna?"

Damn her, goddamn her for asking!

There was a moment for silence before Constantijin replied, a bit flatly, "We are okay."

Ha! Take that, Arian!

Granted, it wasn't the best thing to say about a relationship, but "okay" was still better than "not okay".         

     



 

Constantijin continued, "We enjoy each other's company, that's all."

"You mean you love each other," Arian teased.

Damn her. Goddamn her. I so knew what she was after and it was my blood  –   my blood, which was, like, already flooding the entire floor in an  invisible stream of heartbreak.

I hurt so much I thought my heart couldn't bleed any more, but  Constantijin proved me wrong with just one word. "No." And as if that  didn't hurt enough, he said lightly, "Yanna's known since day one it was  never about that."

I covered my mouth before they could hear me gasp.

Constantijin's voice took in a warm, seductive tone. "But who knows? Maybe someone like you could change my mind."

Arian didn't get to answer that anymore because by then, I had gone around the corner. "What the fuck did you say?"





Lesson #13

Your billionaire will be very good at making you cry, in more ways than one.



Arian was shocked. Then her eyes gleamed with smug malice, even though  she did her best to hide it by letting out a fake moan of horror.  Honestly, I couldn't, like, care less about her.

What really, really hurt was the lack of surprise on Constantijin's face, as if he had wanted this all along.

When neither of them answered, I shrieked again, "What the fuck did you just say to her, Constantijin?"

His name seemed to be the magic word everyone was waiting for. Doors  started opening at the same time, heads bobbing in and out as they tried  not to so obviously watch the show.

Arian shook her head in shame sympathy. "Oh, Yanna, you weren't supposed to--"

Irritated by the mere sound of her voice, I took a deep breath, glanced  at Arian, and gave her the finger. I heard choked laughter behind me.  Arian started for me, but suddenly Drake was there, gripping her by the  shoulders. He whispered something into her ear, and Arian whitened  before stalking off.

A chilly mask had slipped over Constantijin's face. "That was uncalled for, Yanna."

In the act of giving Drake a grateful smile, I whirled back to  Constantijin when I realized what he had just said. "Did you just, like,  side with her?" Even though my voice was starting to hurt my own ears, I  couldn't stop shrieking. I just couldn't.

"This is not the place." The look of contempt that accompanied his words hurt.

I knew he was right. Of course I, like, fucking knew that. But let him  tell that to my heart  –  my super bleeding-to-death-heart and, damn them,  I wasn't even exaggerating.

It was a struggle not to cry as I spoke but I managed to keep the tears  from falling. "Why did you even have to say t-those words?"

Constantijin thankfully didn't try to pretend he had no idea what I was  talking about. "It was a fucking joke. And yes, I admit it was a stupid  one, but it was a joke."

"Jokes are half-meant," I cried out.

Constantijin spat something out in Dutch before saying tiredly, "For pity's sake, don't start on me with that."

And that was what did it, that final kick Alyx told me I was in the habit of waiting for before I could make myself … give up.

He sounded tired.

He made it sound I was, like, this fucking burden to him and I hadn't  even known it. How sad was that? How humiliating? All this time, I had  been wrong. I thought he didn't want me to love him because it made him  aware of how much he loved me back, of how much like his dad he could be  if he let himself love me.

But it wasn't like that.

He hadn't said he loved me because he was exactly like his dad. He was  too nice to kick me out, yet I had been too stupid to notice. I kept  pushing him until  –  he felt trapped. By me.

"I'm sorry," I said dully.

I walked past Constantijin, and I almost stumbled at the pain as I did.

Drake called my name as I reached the doors. "Yanna---"

Humiliation, complete and excruciating, flayed my entire being when I  realized that he probably heard and seen everything. Stupid Yanna, of  course he would have. "Please, Drake," I whispered. "Don't tell my  parents about this."

"I won't."

When he started to speak, I shook my head, knowing that he wanted to be  my Mr. Fix It again. But it just wasn't the right time. "I just need to  be alone."

I walked out of the office, the building, the first step to walking out  of the fucking mess I had created because I didn't know when to cut my  losses. I started to cry when I reached the bus station, and I cried  harder when I got on the bus and realized I had absolutely no money with  me. Turning to the guy waiting in line at my back, I sobbed out,  "C-could I b-borrow some money? I p-promise to p-pay you---"