How Cassie Got Her Grind Back(Divine Creek Ranch 23)(114)
“Yes.” Samson gestured to Cassie. “Cassie visited the club, along with Ivan, several weekends ago.”
“I was there last weekend, and Mona told me.”
“You were there?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
She lifted one hand in reassurance. “Only to relax and observe, Sir. I’m fine, really. May I, Sir?” She glanced at Cassie and Ivan.
“You may.”
Victoria gave Cassie her full attention, and her smile reached her eyes, full of compassion. “Mona and Shae told me what happened with Jillian the weekend you visited the club. I’m sorry your first experience there involved such an ugly altercation. I’ve never met Jillian before, but I have a lot of respect for Master Hector and Juno, and I trust Mona and Shae. I hope you’ll return to the club and see what it’s like on a calmer night. You must have quite a few questions, and I’d be happy to answer them if I can.”
Cassie had studied Victoria and paid attention to their conversation up to that point. She didn’t look away as she quietly asked, “Have you always been a masochist?”
Victoria looked down and to her right as she nodded, speaking from her heart. “I believe so, although it wasn’t a conscious choice to seek pain until I came to understand that side of myself while I was in medical school. I thought there was something wrong with me until a visiting professor spoke about it in a lecture.”
“What triggers your need for pain?” Cassie asked and then put her hands to her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I feel as if I’m being too personal.”
Victoria shook her head. “It’s important for you to understand. I can tell you’re very important to Sir, and I want to satisfy any concerns you have about my association with him.”
“Do you love him?” Cassie blurted out.
Victoria paused, took a breath, and looked down and to the right again. “When you were in school, did you ever have a teacher who wasn’t just a favorite, they actually changed your life in a tangible way and made it better? Maybe something they said or some encouragement they gave you made a permanent impact on your landscape.”
Cassie nodded slowly. “I did. One of my band instructors offered a guitar elective. He helped me to understand how the passion with which I played affected the listener emotionally, that it wasn’t something I could learn. I had been born with it, and it was vital for me to share it.”
A memory came to Samson from many years ago. She’d been so excited the day she’d shared with him what the teacher had said, and he’d experienced a flash of jealousy directed at the teacher. Was that how she felt about his relationship with Victoria? If it was, then he could understand even better her need for answers.
Victoria said, “Any teacher can teach, but the ones who resonate with you are the ones you can honestly say you love. It’s not filial love, or worshipful love, and it’s certainly not erotic, although I do think Samson is a very attractive man. It’s the love for a capable Master who understands what’s needed and pushes a sub to the limit but not beyond it. I’m not his slave, and he’s not my Master, but I do revere him in that way. And I’m talking too much and probably only confusing you, aren’t I?”
Cassie shook her head and slid her hand across the table, which Victoria accepted. “I understand you perfectly. Is Samson the only sadist you’ll work with?”
Victoria hesitated for a moment and then shrugged. “There are a couple of other sadists I trust at Hazelle House. My need for pain is motivated by stress and made acute by the inability to control every surgical outcome. I can do everything conceivable to save an at-risk infant, or his or her mother, but even when I do everything right, I can’t control the eventual result. When I can’t fix a problem, or tragedy happens on my table, under my scalpel, it’s especially crushing. Samson gives those emotions an outlet because I think he understands just how far to push me before pulling back. And because he knows, I don’t need to be concerned about permanent injury when I’m cuffed by him and under his care.” She lifted her priceless hands as if demonstrating what she meant.
Victoria glanced at him and then returned her gaze to Cassie. “See? He knows how catastrophic any injury to me would be. You can see it in his eyes. You would always be welcome at our play sessions if observing would help you.”
“My presence wouldn’t hinder you…getting what you need?”
“I’m usually oblivious to all else within a few minutes of starting.”
“What about afterward? Does he hold you or something?”