“I hope that’s true,” Laura says softly. “But in my experience, it isn’t easy to go back to being friends after sex enters the picture. Especially if you aren’t the one who decides he would rather not sleep with you anymore.”
“Who decided he would rather not sleep with you?” I tip my head, but Laura refuses to meet my eyes. “Not Henry. I thought you said you broke things off with him after you caught him trying on your underwear.”
Laura snorts. “God, that was a weird morning. Yeah, I definitely called it off with him. I’m not up for sharing my underwear with anyone, male or female. Panties are sacred. They’re the guardians of crotch secrets, you know?”
My lips curve. “That’s how I always think of them—as the guardians of my crotch secrets.”
“Right?” She laughs, but her smile fades as she takes my hand. “No, it was another guy. We’d been friends for a while. Then one night we ended up hooking up at this party. It was…really nice.”
“But…”
“But his life is complicated, and he decided there wasn’t room for me in it, and that was that.” She sighs. “And it’s been weird ever since. Every time I see him, I can’t help but think about how easy it was for him to tell me thanks, but no thanks, and I wonder if maybe I’m the worst lay on the planet. Or maybe I’m just unlikable or untrustworthy or generally not good enough for this very serious, very great guy who I think the world of. And that’s a crappy feeling. And we’re definitely not friends anymore. Not the way we used to be.”
I squeeze her fingers. “You are very likeable, as well as one of the most generous and trustworthy people I know. And I’m sure your vagina is dynamite.”
She wrinkles her nose. “You’re so gross. You know I really and truly hate that word, right? It’s not just something I complain about so we can laugh about it later. It’s like acid is being poured into my ears.”
I grin. “I know. I enjoy making you cringe. It’s a simple pleasure.”
“You’re more sadistic than people give you credit for,” she says, nudging my foot with hers. “There’s a dark soul hidden inside that cute kindergarten-teacher body.”
“Totally dark,” I agree, nudging her back. “But seriously, whoever this guy is, it’s his loss. You’re a great catch and a good person.”
“Thanks.” She presses her lips together, wiggling them back and forth before she adds in a conciliatory tone, “And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it will be different for you and Justin. Maybe it will be easy to go back to being friends.”
“I hope so,” I say, but the more I think about it, the more I worry that Laura is right.
Am I ever going to be able to look at Justin without thinking about last night and this morning and how incredible it felt to be so connected to him? And not just physically, but emotionally. Making love to him is the most intimate thing that’s ever happened to me, and it’s quickly becoming the most terrifying. I feel so vulnerable, so exposed and defenseless, that by the time I get Laura off to work and settle down to text Justin, I can’t figure out what to say.
I sit huddled under a fleece blanket on the couch, scrolling back through our old messages, rereading the silly poem Justin wrote for me until I have it memorized, my thoughts turning in restless circles. Finally, I drop the phone on the coffee table and jump into the shower, hoping the warm water will clear my head.
But my tender nipples, lightly whisker-burned cheeks, and the soreness between my legs keep reminding me that everything has changed and I have no idea what to do about it. I emerge from the bathroom twenty minutes later as confused as when I went in, and discover a string of text messages from Justin waiting on my phone—
Hey, Brendan called a few minutes ago. Chloe started running a fever at school, her babysitter isn’t available until three, and Brendan is two hours away filming a commercial. So I said I would go pick Chloe up, take her home, and watch movies with her until the sitter gets there this afternoon.
I’ll have to go straight to practice after, but I can come to your place when I’m done. I’d rather not wait until nine o’clock at night to talk, but I don’t want to do this over the phone. I think it’s better if we talk in person.
I’m assuming you’ve got Laura under control by now. I’m sorry you had to deal with that alone. I’ll give her a couple of days to cool off, and then I’ll smooth things over. Once she understands the situation, I’m hoping she won’t want to kill me anymore.