Hot as Puck(59)
Did you really?
You wanted dating and sex advice. You didn’t go into this wanting to kiss Justin, let alone sleep with him. And if you hadn’t slept together, chances are you wouldn’t have suddenly decided that you have romantic feelings for a person you’ve been friends with for over a decade.
I swallow past the lump in my throat and ignore the inner voice. I can’t afford to get upset about this now. If I do, that will be all the confirmation Laura needs that she’s obligated to get revenge on Justin on my behalf, and my sister on the revenge warpath is a scary thing to behold.
“I hear you,” I say gently. “But that’s not what’s going on with Justin and me. I asked him to do this.”
Laura’s auburn brows lift. “You asked him to go out with you? But what about Roger? I thought he was the one you were crazy about.”
“He is,” I say, though I’m not sure that’s the truth anymore. I’m not sure of anything except that I need to get Laura calmed down and headed for work so I can give myself some time to process the events of the past twenty-four hours. “But you know how shy I am around men I like. That’s why I asked Justin for help. We were never dating, we were just…”
“Banging like bunnies?” Laura’s bewildered expression makes it clear she isn’t buying what I’m selling. “But Libby, that’s so not you.”
I hold my hands up, fingers spread wide. “You’re right. It’s not. But I’m tired of being shy, anxious, hasn’t-had-a-date-in-years Libby. I want to be confident and sure of myself, and being with Justin has helped with that. He wasn’t using me. We were using each other.” I shrug as I glance down at my folded legs, remembering what Jus said that first day in the woods when we decided to go for a more hands-on approach to my education. “He even mentioned the rebound problem, and said he was glad we were doing the friends-with-benefits thing so he wouldn’t end up rebounding after the breakup with Sylvia.”
Laura is quiet for so long that I finally look up, meeting her scowl with a stiff smile. “I’m serious, La. That’s what happened. Justin and I made this decision together. Eyes open, heads clear. I’m fine. You don’t need to beat him up, and we can all go back to being friends like we’ve always been. Like he said, we’re all grownups.”
She shakes her head slowly. “And you really believe that?”
“I do,” I say, anger prickling through the other confusing emotions swirling in my chest. I might be inexperienced, but I’m not a fool. Justin didn’t betray me, I betrayed myself by letting my stupid, squishy heart get attached to him in a way I shouldn’t have.
“Okay,” Laura says in a tone that makes it clear it’s not okay at all, “but I saw the way you looked at him while he was running out of here like a coward, Libby. And it wasn’t anything like the way you usually look at him.”
I stretch my neck to one side, rubbing the tight muscles with my fingers. “Yeah, well, I’m not usually worried that you’re going to draw first blood in my bedroom, either,” I say, doing my best to deflect attention from my change of heart where Justin is concerned. “I haven’t seen you that angry in years. I kind of thought you’d outgrown the crazy rage-spiral.”
“Well, I haven’t.” She crosses her arms tightly over her chest. “And it wasn’t a crazy rage-spiral; it was a completely justified rage-spiral. Because I love you and I don’t want to see you get your heart broken.” Her shoulders lift and fall. “And selfishly, I wanted things to stay the way they’ve always been. I wanted to keep being Justin’s friend and not have to hate him for hurting my sister. I don’t like having to choose sides and lose someone who’s important to me.”
“You won’t have to choose sides.” I lay my hand on her knee, giving it a squeeze. “I promise. Even if Justin and I made a mistake and this experiment doesn’t end well, it will be okay. I’ve been friends with him almost half my life, La. We’re going to still be friends when the other stuff is over.”
Though, I really don’t want to think about the other stuff being over, not when I’ve just discovered how beautiful and perfect and right sex can feel. But the cold, hard fact remains that once Justin and I have our “talk” I’ll probably never be with him again. I’m a terrible liar, and I wouldn’t want to lie about this anyway. If he asks if I’m having more-than-friends feelings for him, I’m going to tell him the truth. And chances are he’ll tell me that he’s out.