I press my lips tight together. “I’m not going to laugh at you. This isn’t funny. All you’ve done so far is make me even more self-conscious. Let’s assume you’re right, and everything I think does show on my face. What am I supposed to do about it? Wear a bag over my head for the rest of my life?”
“No, of course not,” Jus says, his grin fading. “You don’t have to do anything about it, Libs. You’re an open, honest person, and that’s great. You just need to up your confidence level and you’ll be fine. And that’s what we’re doing, right? So you’re already on the road to success.”
“We’ll see,” I grumble, clicking my pen twice in rapid succession. “What else shouldn’t I talk about?”
Justin quickly ticks off warnings about politics, religion, money, and a few other no-brainers before going more in depth. “Don’t talk about if you want kids or how many. Don’t talk about ex-boyfriends or dark secrets or your crazy family or your favorite sexual positions.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “People really talk about that? On the first date?”
“Oh hell, yes, they do. I once had a girl tell me over the appetizer course that she could only come if she got it hard from behind, doggie style, and then only with a guy who was packing at least eight or nine solid inches.” He shrugs. “I guess she wanted me to know what she was looking for before she wasted time with small talk.”
“Wow.” I blink, unable to imagine having a conversation like that with anyone. Ever. Let alone while I was trying to eat. “That’s, um… So what did you do?”
“What did I do?” he echoes.
“Yeah. You said sexual positions aren’t something I should talk about on a first date. So what did you do after this girl broke the code?”
“Oh, well…” He rolls his shoulder uncomfortably. “That doesn’t really matter. Just know that it isn’t a solid choice for a beginner.”
Now it’s my turn to smirk. “You took her home, didn’t you?”
He clears his throat. “Maybe.”
“Yes, you did. You took her home. And then you dated her, didn’t you?” I ask with a laugh, something prickling at the back of my mind. “Oh my God, it was Cindy, wasn’t it? Cindy, the girl who had the donkey laugh, but who was really nice, with the pretty red hair!”
“Fine. Yes, it was Cindy.” He rolls his eyes. “And yes, she was nice and I liked her. But being told on the first date how she preferred to get fucked wasn’t what made it work for as long as it did.”
“Why did you guys break up?’”
“I’d rather not say,” he says, running a hand through his hair.
“Please tell me?” I beg, sensing there is something to be learned from that part of the story, too. “I promise I won’t tell anyone or tease you about it.”
His sighs. “She cheated on me. She found a guy with a ten-inch dick that she preferred to mine and moved on.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, even as my brain begins to unpack his words and do the associated math.
“Don’t.” He points a warning finger at my face. “I see what you’re doing there, Collins.”
I shake my head, fighting a smile. “I’m not doing anything.”
“Yes, you are. You’re making guesses about how many inches I’ve got, and that is none of your business. All you need to know is that it’s more than enough to keep a woman happy. In case any of your cute single friends decide they’re in need of a highly satisfying and pleasurable one-night stand while I’m on the rebound. Message received?”
“Received.” I nod in surrender, wondering how many times I’m going to blush rutabaga red before we’re finished with lesson one. At this rate, I’ll have to invest in ice compresses before we start lesson two. “Moving on, then?”
“Moving on,” he agrees, still scowling, but in a way that makes it obvious he’s not seriously upset. Clearly he’s over Cindy and still quite confident in his abilities in the bedroom, which is exactly why he’s the perfect person for this job.
He really is perfect and a very good friend. “I’ll crochet the fat folds for you myself if you want. I really am so grateful.”
Jus grins. “Nah, I’ll do it myself. Getting there is half the fun, right?”
“Right,” I agree, beginning to think this might be fun, too. Or at least not as painful as I’d assumed. But then, I’ve always had fun with Justin. He’s good at fun and I’m much better at it when I’m with him.