Her breath caught with a sound suspiciously like a sob. But of course, Haven Hoyt didn’t cry. The idea of Haven crying was far more absurd than the idea of her having semipublic sex.
“That’s the thing,” she said. “I am comfortable with you. I’ve always cared before, about all the stuff I said—the grooming and the cleaning—but I don’t care now. I don’t even understand why I stopped caring. All this, all this stuff—” Her voice broke, but she steadied it and went on, “What’s happened between us, this isn’t like anything I’ve ever done. I’ve never been willing to be like this.”
She made a gesture that encompassed both of them, the dressing room and something more, something bigger than his going down on her in a department store. And he wanted to know what that was, what it meant to her, but mostly he just wanted to keep feeling the way he felt right now—glad he and Haven were locked in this dressing room together doing probably career-killing things to each other. Thrilled she’d let him see her messy, let him make her messy—twice. He was grateful she’d told him why it was hard for her, and that for whatever strange reason, it wasn’t as hard for her with him.
“Haven,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“Is your apartment clean?”
“No.”
“Are your sheets clean?”
“No.”
“Can we go there? And have sex in your bed? Or maybe even not in your bed?”
She hesitated, but only for a second. Then she turned around and met his gaze. Her eyes were dark and full of feeling. And she nodded.
9
WHAT HAD SHE DONE? What was she doing?
She knew now that she’d been wrong, and hurtful, to reduce what had happened between them in her office to “that.” She knew it wasn’t just about bodies colliding. There was something at work here that she couldn’t—or didn’t want to—give a name to.
But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t ruin her.
It didn’t mean it wouldn’t rob Mark and his father of money they needed.
It didn’t mean they wouldn’t break each other’s hearts when it turned out he didn’t want to live the life she’d chosen.
What they were doing now would have consequences. She couldn’t see all the ripples yet, but she could feel them. Something as seismic as Mark couldn’t happen to her without there being aftershocks.
And yet, here they were in a cab, side by side, on their way to her apartment. She had told him the most naked truth about herself, and she was going to make herself even more naked—maybe completely naked—in just a few minutes.
The craziest part was, there was still time to call it off, but she had no intention of doing so.
“There are dishes on my counter.”
“I don’t care,” he said.
“There’s toothpaste in my bathroom sink.”
“I find that endearing.”