"Why's he all slumped over?"
"Drugged."
Joyce nodded. "I was wondering how you were gonna do it."
I made a big deal and some noise over pulling Morgan out of the backseat. He collapsed against me, snatching a cheap feel, and Joyce and I half-dragged him over to her car and stuffed him in.
"One last thing," I said to Joyce, handing her a statement I'd prepared at Lula's. "You need to sign this."
"What is it?"
"It's a document attesting to the fact that you willingly went to the pet cemetery with Carol and asked her to tie you to the tree."
"What are you, nuts? I'm not signing that."
"Then I'm hauling Ranger out of your backseat."
Joyce looked at the SUV and her precious cargo. "What the hell," she said, taking the pen and signing her name. "I got what I wanted."
"You take off first," I said to Joyce, pulling my Glock out of my pocket. "I'll make sure you get out of the alley safely."
"I can't believe you did this," Joyce said. "I didn't think you were such a sneaky little shit."
Honey, you don't know the half of it. "It was for Carol," I said.
I stood there with the Glock drawn and watched Joyce drive away. The instant she turned from the alley to the street, Lula jumped into the car, and we took off.
"I give her about a quarter-mile," Lula said. "I'm the queen of the spike-and-run."
I had a visual on Joyce. There was no traffic, and she was a block ahead of me. Her taillights wobbled and the car slowed.
"Good, good, good," Lula said.
Joyce drove another block at reduced speed.
"She'd like to just drive on that tire," Lula said, "but she's worried about her fancy new SUV."
There was another flash of brake lights, and Joyce pulled to the curb. We were a block behind her with our lights killed, looking parked. Joyce had gotten out and turned toward the back of her car when a van swerved around me and skidded to a stop alongside her. Two men jumped out, guns drawn. One trained his gun on Joyce, and the other grabbed Morgan just as he set foot on the pavement.
"What the hell?" Lula said. "What the fuck?"
It was Habib and Mitchell. They thought they had Ranger.
Morgan got bundled into the mom-van, and the van rocketed off.
Lula and I sat in shocked silence, not sure what to do.
Joyce was yelling and waving her arms. Finally she kicked the flat tire, got into her SUV, and, I assume, made a phone call.
"That worked out pretty good," Lula finally said.
I backed up half a block without lights, turned the corner, and drove away. "Where do you think they picked us up?"
"Must have been at my house," Lula said. "They probably didn't want to make a move when there were two of us. And then they got real lucky when Joyce got that flat."
"They're not going to think they're so lucky when they find out they've got Morgan the Horse."
DOUGIE AND MOONER were playing Monopoly when I got back to Dougie's house. "I thought you worked at Shop amp; Bag," I said to Mooner. "Why aren't you ever working?"
"I lucked out and got laid off, dude. I'm telling you, this is a great country. Where else could a dude get paid for not working?"
I went into the kitchen and dialed Morelli. "I'm at Mooner's house," I told him. "I just had another weird night."
"Yeah, well, it isn't over yet. Your mother's called over here four times in the last hour. You'd better phone home."
"What's wrong?"
"Your grandmother went out on a date, and she isn't back yet, and your mother's losing it."
15
MY MOTHER ANSWERED on the first ring. "It's midnight," she said, "and your grandmother isn't home. She's out with that turtle man."
"Myron Landowsky?"
"They were supposed to go to dinner. That was at five o'clock. Where could they be? I've called his apartment and there's no answer. I've called all the hospitals-"
"Mom, they're adults. They could be doing lots of stuff. When Grandma was living with me I never knew where she was."
"She's running wild!" my mother said. "Do you know what I found in her room? Condoms! What does she want with condoms?"
"Maybe she makes balloon animals out of them."
"Other women have mothers who get sick and go to nursing homes or die in their beds. Not me. I have a mother who wears spandex. What did I do to deserve this?"
"You should go to bed and stop worrying about Grandma."
"I'm not going to bed until that woman comes home. We're going to have a talk. And your father is here, too."
Oh great. There'll be a big scene, and Grandma will be back, living in my apartment.