I was really still just a kid. I turned seventeen the month prior. If Emily knew how scared I was that night of doing the right – or wrong – things, she’d probably think I was a wimp. She’d also probably kill me if she knew I was trying to seduce her for practice.
I went down on her that night. That was a first for me. And yet still, no butterflies.
I just knew it would be different with Miss Shields. It had to be. She was the one who would make me get goose bumps. She would be the one to make me feel like I was whole again. Miss Shields really was the woman I’d always dreamed of.
But that night with Emily was pretty run of the mill. Kind of like a Nissan: she was shiny and new, but there was nothing exceptional about her.
Was I a complete asshole for comparing her to a car?
I was able to make her come after two hours of kissing and groping, and I lasted four minutes inside her—almost twice my record.
Yet still, I had no connection. No spark. Nothing was mysterious or intriguing about Emily herself. All I could do after that point was hope that when I finally got there, Miss Shields would be the one to bring it out in me.
Chapter Fourteen
Again, she’s gone.
I expected to wake when she left, thinking I’d feel her move. But I must have slept through it. A part of me feels like I’m hungover and that last night couldn’t be real. But as I stand and look around the ruins, I can see the sun beginning to rise, shining a light down to the spot where I had slept. Something glimmers in the sun.
I don’t know if she intentionally left it behind for me or if it fell off her, but I find her small locket lying in the dirt. Snatching it up, I shove it in my pocket and head for home.
In the shower, I think of her.
Arleen.
On the ride to school, I can’t stop either.
It’s still Arleen.
As I walk up the steps into school, I wonder where she is.
Not a single second passes where she’s not in my thoughts, and I think I’ve gone completely insane.
I’m worried about her.
I’m not even hormonal—at least, I don’t think I am. My mind and body aren’t reacting to her like they do with Miss Shields.
Miss Shields. Fuck. It’s Thursday.
I have a research study group for debate tonight. I don’t even remember what we’re debating.
I’m losing control, and I can’t concentrate on anything. My parents are probably going to fly back from wherever the hell they are when they find out I’m failing every class this semester. That’s all I need: Mom and Dad meeting with the principal and finding out I have no plan for college.
Yet even as I sit down in first period, all I can think about is that in fifty minutes I get to walk down the Math hallway and see Arleen—even though I’m pretty sure she won’t even look at me.
And after all this, I have no intention of getting into her pants. In fact, I want everyone to stay the hell away from her. She’s definitely not my Number Ten.
In fact, the thought of a Number Ten isn’t quite as appealing as it used to be.
Isn’t it nice that my conscience decides it wants to be a part of my life when it’s most inconvenient for me? Aren’t I supposed to be screwing Miss Shields’s brains out in two weeks? Katie “I-Was-Born-To-Fuck-You” Shields? It’s a simple goal! I just need to stick to the plan!
But I’ve barely thought about her since she mentioned adjoining rooms.
Where are my eighteen-year-old urges when I need them?
The hour passes and I find myself watching the second hand tick toward the twelve just as the bell rings.
I jump out of my chair before anyone else, and head for the door. My strange behavior has no doubt set the gossip mill going within the debate team. But for some reason I don’t give a shit about what they or anyone else thinks.
I race to Arleen’s first period class, and watch as she exits. I sneak behind pillars and duck behind doors, remaining hidden. Her brow is pinched more than usual, and she seems to have her guard up so that people avoid her.
Oh. My. God. I’m stalking her!
Yet even this revelation isn’t enough to make me stop. The only time I pause is when Miss Shields approaches from nowhere, standing in my direct field of vision.
I blink twice, regretfully taking my eye off Arleen as she turns the corner.
“Hi, Simon. I…” Miss Shields looks like she has something important to tell me, but I wave her off.
“Sorry, Miss Shields. I’ve got somewhere I need to be.” I don’t stick around long enough to watch her jaw drop to the floor, but as I pass, I hear her sharp intake of breath.
The short delay has made it impossible for me to catch up to Arleen. I really just want to see her face again before she makes it to her classroom.