“Hey… watch where you’re going, slut” he spits at me and walks off with a snide look on his face. The friends with him laugh and tears spring to my eyes. As I gather my things, I realize I’m shaking.
What’s his fucking problem with me?
I arrive back in the history room and Eli is leaning against the desk with his arms folded. I take a few seconds to admire his beauty. He’s so young, how can he be a teacher? He has to be right out of college. Not that it really matters. New teacher, seasoned teacher, he is still off limits.
I clear my throat and he looks up. He places his hands on the edge of the table. His gaze moves over me, taking in my loose but short black skirt—though longer than most of the girls wear them—and my school blazer. I know I look a mess, but at this point I don’t care.
“Jill,” he says quietly. His voice is calm. Controlled. The fire in his eyes betrays him, though. He’s angry. At me. And I don’t blame him. “Why did you lie to me?”
I walk into the room and take a seat in the front row. I’m close enough that his aftershave hits my senses, sending shivers down my spine, but far enough away that there is some distance between us.
I don’t trust myself to be close to him. I don’t trust myself not to press my lips against his. Would he resist? I shiver.
I run my fingers through my hair, which seems to affect him, and look him in the eye. I’m contemplating my response. Why did I lie in the first place?
Because I knew he wouldn’t give me a chance if he knew how young I was. Because everyone my own age—guys and girls—are dicks who would rather torture me than get to know me.
Because I was—am—lonely.
“You know how I told you I’m always alone because my parents are never around? And we move a lot due to Dad’s job, so I’m not in any place to make real friends?”
He nods at my admission, not taking his eyes away from me. I take a breath and force myself to continue.
“I thought it’d be a great idea to set up a profile and make some new friends. Only I thought no one would want to be friends with a seventeen-year-old girl in high school.” I pause. “Well, except for creeps.” I’m embarrassed so I look away from him. This sounds immature even to me. If one thing, I’m showing my age. I’m showing how inexperienced I really am.
“So, there’s other people that you’re chatting to?” His voice is sharp, and I know he means guys.
My eyes widen in shock. He sounds almost…jealous.
“No, it’s only you,” I mumble, refusing to meet his gaze.
God, I sound like a poorly written greeting card.
“How the fuck could you lie to me about something so catastrophic?” he growls, slamming his fists down on his desk and cursing. “This could ruin my career.”
“Are you kidding me?” I laugh. My defenses are kicking in. I’ll take a huge chunk of the blame for this, but he was part of this too. “Let’s not forget that you lied to me as well by omitting to tell me you’re a high school teacher.”
“Because it had nothing to do with you,” he explodes.
“Women lie about their age all the time,” I mutter. I know it’s a weak excuse. I look down, not wanting him to see me cry. I know I’m in the wrong and I hate that he’s so angry with me.
“Jill,” he whispers, his voice strained. He gets off the table and walks toward me, his face softening. “All night I thought about you, trying to rationalize how I could possibly be so into you being that you’re so much younger than me. And now it’s fucking worse. I’m your teacher.” He laughs as the word tumbles from his lips. “I owe you a duty of care. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t involve sleeping with you.”
His attempt at a joke cracks a smile on my face. Kneeling in front of me, his hand moves over my knee and I gasp. A simple touch like that has me on fire.
“We can’t go there, Jill. It’s over.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” I mumble, so desperate I’m clutching at straws.
He reaches up and wipes away the tears running down my cheeks.
“We could keep this a secret and continue the relationship, couldn’t we?” I don’t need him to answer. I already know.
Eli sighs, his eyes closing.
“Jill, we can’t continue . . . whatever this is that we have going on, and no one can ever know about this. I admit, I’m attracted to you.” He pauses and exhales loudly. “I can’t risk my father’s career, let alone my own,” he says softly.
I hadn’t even considered how this might look for Mr. A. I don’t want to hurt him either. I offer him a simple nod. This is all too much to take in one day.