Hot Damn(39)
“If you hadn’t been in his house—if you’d been in your own apartment where you belong—you wouldn’t have been almost caught in the fire in the first place.”
“It wasn’t his fault, Mother.”
“He must have done something to have upset that man.”
“That man is certifiably insane,” I snap back. “He’s going to prison. None of that is Jesse’s fault.”
“I just don’t think Jesse is an appropriate choice for you, Madison.” Mom’s tone has gone arch and judgmental, and it’s finally clear to me what’s going on.
I hear the words coming out of my mouth before I realize I’m going to say them. “Who would be an appropriate choice for me?”
“I don’t know.” She makes an offhanded gesture. “Someone else.”
“Someone a bit better off,” Dad offers.
I just stare at them both. “You mean nobody, don’t you? Nobody’s going to be good enough to make you happy.”
“That’s not what’s going on at all, Madison. We just want what’s best for you.”
“As long as you get to decide that.”
“Well, Madison,” Dad says in a matter-of-fact tone, “it is our money.”
My face feels numb. “So you’re not going to cosign on my student loan? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“No, Madison. We’re trying to explain that you need to take more responsibilities for your life choices.”
“But part of that is that you’re not going to sign for the loan. Right?” I know that’s the bottom line. I wish they’d just say it and get it over with.
Mother sighs, as if I’m a recalcitrant child who’s having difficulty understanding plain English. “No, Madison. We’re not.”
I push to my feet. “Then we have nothing else to talk about. Please leave.”
Mom stares at me. “I’m sorry?”
“No, you’re not. You’re not sorry at all. You were just looking for any excuse to keep your money. That’s all this is to you. All that about me finding a good relationship—that was all bullshit, wasn’t it?”
“You need to watch your language, Madison.” Dad’s offense is so haughty as to be laughable.
“Fuck that,” I snap back. “Go. Both of you, just go.” It’s all I can do to hold back the tears.
They both rise to their feet and move stiffly toward the door. Without another word, they leave, closing the door behind them with a snick.
The tears finally come. I sag back into a chair at the table and let them. The schedule is still there, but I can’t read it anymore through the blur. It doesn’t matter; it’s not going to happen, anyway. I can’t afford it, and obviously my parents don’t care enough to make it possible.
There’s a soft rustle, then Thor leaps into my lap. He rubs his head under one hand, purring, and I stroke him as he curls up against me.
I meet Jesse later for dinner, Christopher in tow. I’m frazzled—I’ve spent the afternoon unpacking and fuming, then brooding, about the conversation with my parents.
By the time we get to the restaurant, I’m exhausted. Not so much from unpacking and moving furniture, but from the fuming and brooding. It’s a different kind of exhausted.
Christopher is holding my hand, and Jesse bends to pick him up as soon as he spots us outside. “Hey, little dude,” he says, and Christopher grins. He loves being called “little dude.” I don’t know why. Maybe just because he likes Jesse. It makes me smile to see the two of them together. They genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
Jesse glances at me, a frown dancing across his forehead. “You okay, Mads?” He leans over to kiss me.
“I’m fine.”
“You look tired.”
I nod. I should have known I couldn’t hide it from him. He knows me too well by now. “I’ll tell you later.”
“Okay.”
We chat about other things while we wait for a table. This dinner is meant to be a celebration of sorts—that we’ve moved in together, and that I’ll be starting school in the spring semester. I’m still trying to figure out how to tell Jesse that second part isn’t going to happen.
Finally, when we have our food and Christopher is focused on making his dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets fight with each other, Jesse asks the question.
“So. What’s up?”
I’m silent a moment, pushing steak fries around in a puddle of ketchup. “My parents dropped by earlier.”
He lays his fork down. Even he knows an unexpected visit from my parents can’t possibly be good news.
“They’re not going to cosign on the loan for me.”
His eyebrows go up. “You’re kidding me.”
“Sadly, no, I’m not.” I pause for a second as the tears try to crawl up my nose again. “Because of the thing with the fire, they think it’s too dangerous for me to be involved with you, so apparently you’re not an appropriate boyfriend after all. So no money.”
“That is the biggest piece of bullsh—” He breaks off mid-word, glancing sidelong at Christopher. Christopher’s T. rex has shredded his stegosaurus, and Christopher himself is making loud, enthusiastic growling-dinosaur noises as he eats the stego-bits. Dipped in honey mustard, of course.
“I know.” I take a long, steadying breath, setting down my fork and letting my hands fall into my lap. I feel so helpless. Broken, even. I can’t believe I actually thought this was all going to work out. “I don’t think they ever had any intention of helping me.” My voice is all kinds of bitter. “They were just looking for an excuse, and you losing your house proved convenient.”
“Well, I’m glad it was convenient for somebody.”
“I didn’t mean—”
He waves off my apology at the way I phrased that. “No, I know you didn’t. I just don’t get any of it. Your parents are jerks.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “There was no point to any of it. None of what I did was going to make any difference to them. So I dragged you into this thing for no reason.”
He leans forward suddenly, his expression as sincere as I’ve ever seen it. “No reason? Honey…if they hadn’t pulled that bullshit, we wouldn’t be together right now.”
“Booshit,” says Christopher, and bites the head off a triceratops. I just roll my eyes. Jesse has something to say, and I don’t want to interrupt him by reminding him to watch his language.
“Sorry,” Jesse says, but it doesn’t sidetrack him long. “Look. I know this started out as a playact thing to mess with your parents, but it’s not that anymore. I love you, Madison. And if going through all that nonsense was what it took to find you, then, damn it, it was worth it.”
Tears are pricking at my eyes again, but for different reasons this time. Good reasons. I lay my hands on the table, and he tangles his fingers in mine.
“I love you, too, Jesse.”
“So we’ll get through this together.” He squeezes my hands. “I’ll cosign for you.”
My mouth drops open. I can’t speak for a few seconds, then finally I manage, “Jesse, are you sure?”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Of course. I was your fake boyfriend, and now I’m your real boyfriend, and I figure the least a real boyfriend can do is help the woman he loves achieve her lifelong dream. Am I right?”
I nod, still gob smacked. He really means it.
“Jesse, I don’t know what to say.”
He grins. “Just say, ‘Thank you very much, best boyfriend ever in the history of boyfriends.’ Then say, ‘I’m calling my sister to see if she can watch the kid so we can make a lot of noise in the apartment tonight.’”
This time I look sidelong at Christopher, but he’s still involved in his dinner. This time he’s building fences out of fries to corral his nuggets. He only has four left, but apparently it’s important that they be confined to one side of the plate for the safety of humanity.
I lean toward Jesse. “Thank you very much, best boyfriend ever in the history of boyfriends. I’m calling my sister to see if she can watch the kid so we can make a lot of noise in the apartment tonight.” Then I push up from my seat a little so I can reach over the table to kiss him.
“Ew,” says Christopher, and makes gross kissing noises. “Ew, nasty.”
I laugh. “Eat your dinosaurs,” I tell him, and he eats his dinosaurs, grinning.
Mel tells me she’s happy to take Christopher for the night. Actually, what she says is, “Ooooh, you need to tie that hot-ass fireman boyfriend of yours to a chair and have your nasty, filthy way with him? I’m happy to do my part.” I don’t tell Jesse that, though. He doesn’t need to know my sister thinks he’s a hot-ass. Also, I probably won’t be tying him to a chair, though the thought has its appeal.
We drop Christopher off on the way home from dinner. Jesse has gone quiet, and I wonder what’s bugging him. When we walk in the front door, he finally says, “I’m thinking since we’re probably going to be looking for a new place to live, anyway, what about going closer in toward the college?”