As Penni matured, though, she had sensed it was part of Shade’s personality. Remaining aloof didn’t mean he didn’t care. He had visited their mother and her whenever he’d had leave. Each time he had come, he’d brought his friends, which had kept him from spending time alone with her, but she hadn’t cared. She had cherished any time she spent with him, but she hadn’t cried when he’d left. It was just the way it was.
“You were trying to protect someone you love.”
Penni had blushed bright red, embarrassed that he had been voicing her feelings for Train out loud.
“I was just trying to help.”
“You succeeded. Maybe next time, she’ll think twice about picking on someone defenseless, but I doubt it.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“How could I be mad when I’ve done it too many times to count?”
She had released a shaky breath.
“That doesn’t make it right. Train and I were here to watch out for you. If you react that way when you’re by yourself, it could be a different story. Don’t take on more than you can handle.”
“I won’t. I’m never going to hit anyone again.”
“Yes, you will. You won’t be able to stop yourself. You’re too much like me.”
She had shaken her head. “I wish—”
“You are. I’ve seen it.” When she had kept shaking her head, he had continued, “Mom said you don’t have any friends.”
“I have a lot of friends,” Penni had denied.
Shade had arched a doubtful brow. “Name one.”
“Tania, Emily, Katlin, and Val.”
“You have sleepovers?”
She had frowned. She’d hated sleepovers. “No.”
“Why not?”
She had shrugged. “I don’t know. I prefer to sleep in my own bed.”
“Then invite them to your house.”
“It’s hard to when they are so busy. Tania does dance, Emily and Kaitlin do softball, and Val babysits for extra money.”
“Do they make time to have sleepovers?”
Penni hadn’t wanted to lie to her brother. “Yes.”
“Do they invite you?”
“Yes … but I have more homework than they do. My grades are important to me.”
“I’ve seen your grades; they aren’t that important. You have a boyfriend or have someone you like?”
“No.”
“Don’t tell me you don’t like boys.” Shade already knew the answer.
“I like boys.”
“Train won’t make a move on you because you’re too young and my sister.”
Stubbornly, she had looked away. She wouldn’t be young forever, and Shade would accept it when they were together.
“Maybe he will one day. You don’t know that for sure.”
“What do you feel for Train?”
She couldn’t believe she was having this talk with her brother. It had been the most words that had ever came out of his mouth. Usually, he’d let everyone talk while he had listened.
“He’s handsome, strong, and he doesn’t argue when I want to play cards …” Penni had trailed off when she couldn’t think of anything else. Then she had finished in a rush. “He’s more mature than boys my age.”
“Or maybe you’re telling yourself that as an excuse for why you’re not getting involved with boys your own age. I don’t see any tears in your eyes when we leave. As a matter of fact, I never saw you cry at all when you were a baby. Mom used to worry about it … like she did with me.”
Penni couldn’t tell what point Shade had been trying to make. Of course she’d cried, but it hadn’t been often.
“Shit … What do I know? I just wanted you to know that I’m like that, too.”
“You have tons of friends, and I’ve seen pictures of your girlfriends.”
“Yes, but I feel differently than they do. I don’t love anything or anyone. If any of them walked out of my life, I wouldn’t miss them. The difference between us is I don’t give a damn about anyone, while you’re like the butterfly I used to call you when you were a kid. A butterfly will go from a limb to a flower, attracted by anything that catches their interest. You stay a while, and then, when you’re ready, you fly away.”
A friend she had known since kindergarten had moved away last year. Though Penni had expected to feel the loss, she hadn’t, just found another girl to share lunch with.
What he had been saying couldn’t be true, though. She had friends she talked to every day. She had been one of the most popular students in her school.
Penni had searched her mind, not coming up with one close friend she’d shared all her secret with. She would have lunch, movies, and even shopping trips with her friends, but she couldn’t recall giving them any clue of the person she was inside.