Instead, I double checked the safety, slipped the gun into my waist band, slid open the van’s door, and climbed out into the twilit evening.
“Underpass is a few blocks ahead. You know what to do,” Max said.
I looked at him and didn’t respond.
“Do the right fucking thing, Liam.”
He slammed the door and they were off.
I watched them go for half a second, and then I began to walk down toward the underpass, my mind reeling. The gun felt like a weight attached to my lower back, and I was barely treading water, in the middle of the ocean. One deep breath and there would be darkness and nothing.
But I wasn’t a quitter. I would let myself become a monster before I’d give up on those that depended on me.
I walked down a steep hill, my boots making noise on the rough concrete, and entered the tunnel.
Above me, I-76 stretched through the heart of the city, though the cross street where I pressed myself up against the cold concrete wall was hidden. I thought I knew where she would be coming from, and I knew more or less when, but there was so much I couldn’t control. I fiddled with the gun in my waistband as my pulse began to race.
The next few minutes were going to be some of the most important moments of my life. I knew that. I also knew that what Colm wanted me to do was wrong, but not doing it would be even worse. I was stuck in a position I never thought I’d be in. The air underneath the overpass was damp, and there were puddles in the street from a recent rain. The stone was worn down from the years, with small glittering bits of reflective rock and mildew stains rolling up its length. It was cold, and the humidity made it feel even colder. I felt like I was miles below the city, alone and freezing.
I sighed and clenched my jaw, trying to get myself under control. I looked to my right and saw that the empty expanse was fenced in. There was small, stubby crab grass and dirt, plus a whole bunch of trash, covering the tiny field. I realized I could probably jump the fence afterward and cut across the block, which would immediately put me away from the body. But if someone happened to walk by at the instant I pulled the trigger, or really anytime in the few seconds after, I’d be fucked. But there was a chance I could get away.
I was probably fucked either way. There was no doubt in my mind that the cops would come down hard on Colm and the Mob. There was no way they didn’t notice the increased violence and strife; I was sure they had informants in our ranks, if not a few undercover people. All of that meant that when the heat came down, I was going to get thrown under the bus.
I cursed under my breath. That bastard Colm would probably get to take over my territory while I rotted in prison, or maybe he’d pass it on to one of his cronies.
Up the street, back the way I had just walked, I heard a dog bark. It startled me, and I glanced out around the corner. In the distance, I saw a young girl coming toward me, black dog pulling at the leash. I looked quickly away, not trying to linger too long on her. But I knew it was her, it had to be her. She matched the description even though I barely got a good look at her. Young, blond, walking a dog. I didn’t bother trying to get any more features; I didn’t want to see her, didn’t want to know for sure that I was about to kill a real person.
I reached back and slipped the gun from my pants and slowly checked it. Full clip, safety off. I held it behind my back, glancing around the area one more time to make sure that the coast was clear. I slipped farther back into the shadows, away from the sidewalk, and waited.
It felt like an hour before I heard her shoes banging on the concrete as she came down the steep hill. I gripped the gun harder, my hands beginning to shake. What if she saw me before she passed and got spooked? What if the dog attacked me? I shook my head, trying to get my shit together.
I had to be strong. I had to follow orders. I had to, for Richie’s sake, and for my people.
I stared down at the ground, at the dirt and pebbles, and watched an ant struggle across the uneven ground. The little black speck made its way toward my feet. I heard the girl descend into the underpass, heard the dog sniffing and walking ahead of her, but I kept my head down and blended into the shadows. I stared at the ant, praying the girl wouldn’t notice me, my hands shaking, sweat forming and dripping down my back. Silently, I kicked the small black speck away, but I didn’t crush it.
Once she was a few feet beyond me, I pushed away from the wall and walked up behind her, the gun gripped in my hands. I held it tight, maybe eight feet away, and stared at the back of her head. There was something strange, something familiar about it; I couldn’t figure it out, but I could have sworn I knew her. Trying not to think too much, I held the gun up, finger covering the trigger, hands shaking like mad, but it wouldn’t matter: I was too close to miss.