He popped the cork out of a bottle while I forked some risotto into my mouth. It was incredible: smooth and rich and creamy, and the mushrooms gave it a rich finish.
"Holy shit this is good," I said through a mouthful.
He sat down across from me, placing two glasses down on the table.
"Yeah, I know."
I rolled my eyes at his modesty as I tucked into it, realizing how incredibly hungry I had been.
"So why only one glass?" he asked.
I looked up at him. "What do you mean?"
"When I asked about the wine, you specified ‘one glass.'"
That surprised me. I didn't think he'd notice, let alone put any importance on it. I sat back and shrugged.
"I'm an addict. Alcohol isn't my drug, but I'm pretty strict with myself anyway."
He nodded thoughtfully. "I figured it was something like that. Sober how long?"
"Two years."
He laughed softly and shook his head. "Ellie the addict kindergarten teacher."
I gave him a look. "Yeah, and you're Liam the violent asshole mobster who takes care of his little brother."
He raised his glass and sipped. "Pretty much."
"Since we're sharing, what's the deal with Richie's mom?"
"Addict, except she doesn't have her shit under control. I help out because otherwise the kid would probably be on the streets."
"He's so much younger than you are."
"My dad got around, I guess. Who knows how many other bastards he has."
I laughed at that, and it felt good. I sipped the wine, amazed at the way the rich taste mingled with the risotto's flavor. It was almost annoying how delicious his food was.
"Is that how you got into all of this?" I asked him.
He nodded. "You could call it a family business. My dad's dad and his dad going back at least a few generations were all in the Mob. Though it was pretty different, back in the day."
"Why? I mean, what you do is . . ." I trailed off, not sure what to say.
"Wrong?" He raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Yeah, wrong. Illegal. And immoral."
He sipped his drink and took a bite, not answering right away. I let him gather himself, finishing off my plate in the process. Finally, he looked up and shrugged.
"There will always be bad men out there, Ellie. There will always be drugs and drug addicts. At least with us, we're up front about it, we play by rules. We don't just hurt people to hurt people. We do the things that would get done anyway, but in a less violent way." He paused and looked away. "At least, it used to be that way, before the new boss took over. We aren't good, but we're necessary. We did the things nobody else wanted to do, nobody else could do. And we take care of our own."
"The new boss?"
He looked back at me, his striking eyes drilling into mine. "Colm Brennan. The old boss had some problems a while ago, and the Right People have been in chaos ever since. Colm stepped into the power vacuum and took over."
"But you don't like him."
"He thinks the Mob needs to change, needs to evolve. In the old days, we'd never kill someone like you. But that's the sort of thing Colm thinks we need to become."
"And what do you think?" I asked softly.
"I think if we go down that path, we're gone. Whatever was letting us cling to our humanity will be lost."
I let that sink in as he started to eat again, finishing off his plate and his glass of wine. I swirled my own glass absently, looking at its thick red liquid swirling around the center. It reminded me of my addict days, back in college. My drug back then had been cocaine, and I'd never really had much of an issue with alcohol, but it was still smart to be careful. I glanced up at Liam and took in his gorgeous face, and suddenly I realized that of all the drugs in the city, he was the one I had to be most careful of. I knew it would be too easy for me to lose myself in him, especially since he was my only lifeline to the world outside the safe house.
"So you're a good bad guy," I said softly.
"There are some very, very bad people in the Mob. But there are also some people that still believe in honor among thieves."
I smiled softly and put my glass back down on the table. He looked at me for a second. The quiet settled down on us, deep because the house was so empty, but it didn't feel awkward. Really, it was full of questions. But more than all that, it was full of exhaustion. I felt like I was ready to fall out of my seat, and it was only seven or eight.
"Long day," he said.
"Yeah, really long day."
He looked concerned. "You want to turn in?"
I shrugged. "I guess. I have nothing to sleep in."
His face lit up and he grinned. "Actually, I took care of that."
I watched, curious, as he stood up and walked over to a brown paper bag sitting on the floor next to the kitchen counter. I had assumed it was another bunch of groceries. He picked it up and carried it over, holding it out for me to look inside. His grin was boyish and sincere, and it made me almost forget that he was a violent criminal. I looked over the bag's rim and saw a stack of clothes inside.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Clothes for you, at least for the next day or two. Some comfortable stuff in there, too."
"Where'd you get it?"
His face dropped. "I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean."
"No, I was just-"
"It's fine," he said, cutting me off. "I bought it while I was out."
I looked at him curiously, not sure what to make of that. Then I took the bag from him. The smile returned, though not as big. It was endearing, how hard he was trying to make me feel comfortable, and in any other situation I would have been completely won over. As it was, I could barely focus on anything, let alone the feelings bubbling below the surface every time I looked at him for too long. It was pure desire, and I knew it, but I wasn't ready to let myself really feel it.
He moved back into the kitchen, taking our plates with him.
"I'll wash up. You can have the bedroom upstairs. I'll sleep down here."
I watched silently for a minute as he began to clean off the dishes, and then I stood, grabbing a towel. As he washed, I dried, and we worked together in a comfortable silence. Finally, when we were done, I grabbed the bag full of clothes and walked upstairs while he went out to his car to get some more things.
Upstairs, I dumped the bag on the bed and started going through the stuff. It was mostly T-shirts and jeans, surprisingly in my size, and a pair of comfortable pajamas, plus some underwear and a clean bra. I couldn't believe that he got stuff that might fit, more or less, since he had nothing to go off of. I sighed, pulling off my shirt. There was a mirror hanging on one wall, and I looked at myself in it: haggard, exhausted, and unkempt. My hair was a mess, and it was clear that I had been crying earlier from the red rims around my eyes. I shook my head, finding it hard to care what I looked like.
As I moved over toward the bed, I heard the door push open.
"Here, I got you some-" he said, and stopped, staring at me.
I looked back and raised an eyebrow. My nipples were slightly erect from the cool bedroom air, and a small smile played on his lips as he took in my full breasts. After a second, he turned away.
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were changing."
Usually, I would have been mortified, but for some reason I was having trouble giving a shit about much. Truthfully, I wanted him to see me. For some reason, because of the day we had, it felt good to be the object of his desire, even if it was by accident. I grabbed a shirt and pulled it over my head.
"Knock next time," I said.
"Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that I got you a toothbrush and some other toiletries."
"Thanks."
He peeked over his shoulder and grinned. "Stuff's in the bathroom."
"Okay."
"If you need anything, I'll be downstairs."
I looked at him, at his rumpled dress shirt and the muscles it was barely hiding, at the cut of his jaw and his perfect nose, his full lips and excited eyes, and I needed him. I needed him in that second like I hadn't needed anything in my life. I crossed the room without another word, and he turned to face me, reading my expression.
"Ellie-" he said, but stopped as I wrapped my hands around him, running my fingers through his hair.
He grabbed me by my hips and pulled me close against him, and I let out a small gasp. His strong body was like a life raft for me. Everything was threatening to pull me under, but Liam was the only thing trying to keep oxygen in my lungs.
"I never said thank you," I whispered.
"You don't have to."
I pressed my lips against his and kissed him hard, crushing my mouth against him. I gripped his hair and I felt him press me harder against his body. Our mouths met and tongues touched, his fresh taste filling my mouth, his smell filling my nose, and for the first time in what seemed like years, I felt good. The terror slipped into the back of my mind as he kissed me hard, his hands running slowly up my back. His full lips and rough stubble pressed against my face and I loved it, wanted the slight tickling pain of his strong body. It filled me and I felt weightless, like I was being drawn up above the waves.
After a minute, when we were reaching the point where I knew I'd lose myself, he slowed himself and softly disengaged from me, moving me a few inches away. I could still feel his heat and his taste lingering on my body and lips.