Hold On(164)

Dave’s face twisted.

Garrett leaned toward his father.

“Just tell me it’s gonna be okay,” he whispered. “Tell me I got this. Tell me I can do my job and keep her safe. I can do my job and keep Ethan safe. What happened to our family is not gonna happen to the family I make. All I need, Dad, is for you to tell me it’s gonna be fuckin’ okay.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you,” Dave whispered back. “Nothin’s gonna happen to Cher. Fuck, Garrett, you lived your whole life thinkin’ that?”

“Right alongside you livin’ your whole life feelin’ guilt it was your fault that somethin’ happened to you. Mom and you. I love you. You’re my father. I felt that pain and guilt right with you. And I felt my own pain and guilt bein’ powerless to take yours from you. So, shit yeah, Dad. I lived my whole life thinkin’ that. No. Not thinkin’ it. Emotionally paralyzed because I was terrified of it.”

Dave held his gaze, pain and guilt in his eyes.

Fuck.

It never ended.

“Mia, boy…cute. So cute,” Dave started.

Garrett did a slow blink as his chin jerked back.

What the fuck?

“Not sweet. Sharp,” Dave carried on. “Girl’s sense of humor like a razor. Made you happy, oh yeah. She did. Loved seein’ my boy happy. But even with that, knew she was wrong. Good-time girl. When bad times came, I knew she didn’t have it in her. Your mother woulda put up with her, but she’d never really like her,” Dave declared.

Garrett sat back, stunned at hearing shit he’d never heard.

Dave kept going.

“And I was right. She didn’t have it in her. She wanted smooth, like her daddy gave to her, which meant you had to bust your ass givin’ that to her. You didn’t have that in you and that is not a weakness. That’s a real man. Like no woman should do that for her man, no man should hafta do that for his woman. And no woman should expect that from a man. A marriage is a partnership. Both of you gotta hold on to weather any storm, boy. I was not surprised Mia didn’t go the distance. It hurt seein’ you hurt. But when you lost her, I wasn’t surprised.”

He stopped speaking and Garrett didn’t start. He had nothing to say and he didn’t understand why his father was sharing this now when it should have been shared years ago.

Regardless of that, it was beside the point.

Mia was gone. Everyone now got why, and annoyingly, it seemed a bunch of them, including his father, got why a long time ago.

Discussing her did not have dick to do with holding on to Cher.

“Cher Rivers,” Dave continued, hopefully getting to the point, “that’s a different story. You know it. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t give a shit about your issues. You’d be just as blind, makin’ the same mistakes you’ve been makin’ for years and not givin’ a shit. If you didn’t know she’s a different story, you wouldn’t be here, askin’ an old man who has no idea how to deal how to deal. And the reason I don’t have any idea how to deal, Garrett, is because I learned real good how to weather a storm. And how I learned that is that I could face anything, your mother at my side. When I lost her, I lost that ability. I didn’t get it back. Any time I tried, it reminded me how much I missed her. So I quit tryin’. I don’t know how to tell you how to keep your head together or how to quit havin’ those dreams. All I know is that I’d have those answers if your mother was sittin’ at this table with me.”

Through his dad’s words, Garrett felt his throat close.

He also watched his father’s eyes get bright and felt wet hit his own.

He didn’t move.

He also still didn’t speak.

Dave Merrick cleared his throat, sniffed, and kept talking.

“Last thing I gotta say to you is to repeat, Cher Rivers is a different story. You’re worried about these issues you got. You’re worried you can’t get past them. What you don’t see is that you got your hands on a woman who knows how to weather a storm. So what you got is a woman who knows about your issues. This means you don’t have to do shit, Garrett, except count your lucky stars you’re able to hold tight to your woman so you can weather…the goddamned…storm.”

He knew Dave was done.

Then again, he actually was done because, fucking finally, he’d given Garrett just what he needed.

And it was just plain done because he needed his father to point out that Cher had already given him what he needed. And she did this days before, not putting up with the shit he’d pulled at dinner at her mother’s house.

But Garrett still couldn’t speak because his throat was still closed and he was having trouble with his breathing.