Pastor Ted leads us through the opening words of the ceremony, and I repeat what I’m supposed to say after him. I want this moment to remain crystal clear in my memory, but all I can concentrate on is the warmth of Eric’s breath on my face as he kneels before me. Nothing else matters because mere words can never express what this man means to me. The depth of the attachment we’ve forged can never be summed up with a simple phrase. It defies logic and reason and all of those categorizations people like to place on love. It’s deeper than that—so much deeper than that.
“Have the two of you prepared your own vows?” Pastor Ted asks as we stare intently into each other’s eyes, lost in our own little world.
“I’d like to wing it if that’s all right,” Eric begins, looking at Pastor Ted for confirmation, and he nods emphatically in the affirmative. “I’m not good when it comes to public speaking. I’m better at digging in the dirt with my hands, finding the perfect depth to plant a tree or scattering seeds across a newly plowed field. But this woman makes me want to do things I didn’t think I was capable of. Her love for me makes me feel like I have no limitations, that I can do anything I set my mind to do, because she believes in me with her whole heart.”
He pauses to take the gold band from Pastor Ted, slipping it loosely onto my pinky finger.
“I know this ring doesn’t fit you now, but it will,” he says, kissing my hand. “And every time you look at it, I want you to know how much I love you and how that love never wavers but only grows stronger with each passing day. You are an incredible woman, Ivy Thompson, and I know I don’t deserve you. But I’ll try and prove myself worthy of your love from now until the day I die. I will cherish you with every breath I take. You own me body and soul. There is no one for me but you.”
I hear sniffles all around us as everyone succumbs to the sincerity of his words. I don’t know how I’m going to match it. I have nothing prepared. I didn’t even know this was happening until a half hour ago. And he just blew me away with the most heartfelt declaration I’ve ever heard.
My hand trembles as I hold it out to Pastor Ted for Eric’s matching ring. I don’t even know when Eric had time to get these, but he did. The sheer romance he’s brought to our engagement and now our wedding is making me fall in love with him all over again.
I run the smooth gold band down his finger, smiling when it slides snugly into place. I can’t wait to feel what it’s like when he runs his hand down my naked back with it on his finger. The light tinge of metal combining with the coarseness of his hands is going to be intoxicating. I feel my cheeks getting warm just thinking about it. It’s been so long since we’ve able to be fully intimate with each other that my mind can’t resist wandering in that direction, especially after what he just said to me. I’ve never wanted him more than I do right now.
But I have to keep this PG. Our parents are in attendance. I run my hands up his wrists all the way to his elbows, feeling the strength in his arms and letting it inspire me. I’m the writer. I’m the one who should be good at expressing myself, but I feel shy, not wanting to share what’s in my heart with a room full of people. I want to whisper it in his ear as he’s moving above me, buried deep inside of me. And I will when we get back to that place, but for now, I’ll have to make do with something less private but no less meaningful.
“Eric, you have always been my savior, my champion, my hero,” I whisper, mostly to him, making everyone else strain to hear what I said.
His breathing quickens when he sees the fire in my eyes. He knows that those words were just for him. How this self-supporting girl never would have admitted to being dependent on a man, except for him. I make no claims of being some damsel in distress, and he knows that, making my admission even more powerful.
“I’m nothing without you,” I continue in a louder voice. “I thought that I was capable of finding my way through life by myself, on my own terms. I didn’t need to be dependent on anyone for anything, especially when it came to securing my happiness. And then I met you, and I knew I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
People in the audience start to chuckle, and I smile along with them even though Eric looks as serious as can be, waiting for me to go on.
“You showed me that true courage doesn’t mean going it alone, it’s about having the guts to open your heart to someone, showing them the good and bad sides of yourself, and hoping they’ll love you anyway. Eric, you made me brave enough to take that leap. You made me want to try. If not for you, I’d still be chasing after the wrong things in life, believing that they would somehow make me happy. But with you, I felt it from the first moment you touched me. I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t want to deny it. It’s the first time something felt so right, so real. I didn’t have to question it or analyze it. I just knew. You were the one.”