“Not even me?” I ask sharply.
“You moved on,” he responds, tilting his umbrella. “He never did. He lost her. He lost you. He lost everything. You needed to be the bigger man in this situation, but you let it drag on for years, even after she was gone.”
“And don’t you think I won’t be kicking myself for the rest of my life because of it?” I spit back angrily. “I don’t need you adding to my guilt.”
“Hear me out, son,” he says, watching me shiver. “That was before I had a chance to talk to him.”
“I didn’t know you…” I trail off.
“Exactly.” My dad steps forward, holding the umbrella over both of our heads. “There’s a lot you didn’t know. At first, I had my doubts, too. I thought he might’ve developed a thing for Ivy, and that’s the last thing I wanted to see happen.”
“What changed your mind?” I inquire, peering directly into his eyes.
“He covered for you when you went out hunting. He didn’t have to, but he did. He pitched in around the garden center, working all kinds of crazy hours, knowing we were short-staffed.”
I look at my dad—I mean really look at him. Up close, I can see the weathered lines on his face and the grey tinge to his complexion. His shoulders are stooped and his suit seems to be hanging off his body. I’m usually too busy to notice these things, but I can’t ignore them now.
But he keeps talking, “Then Ivy asked if we could come up to the cabin and help her decorate as a surprise for you. I thought Tim would balk, but he was game. I watched how they interacted with each other. He was friendly, obliging. I think he liked making her laugh. But I wasn’t sure if he had feelings for her or not.”
“What convinced you?” I ask, concentrating on the crookedness of his tie clip.
“Ivy had him go up into the crawlspace and bring down some stuff, and when he didn’t come back, she asked me to check on him.” My dad exhales, his breath hanging like a fine mist in the air. “And when I did, I found him curled up in a ball in the corner of your room, rocking back and forth.”
“Jesus,” I mutter.
“He had found some old Polaroids of the three of you from when you were kids.” My dad grips my arm, forcing me to look at him. “There was one of just him and Cassidy that you must’ve taken. She’s not even looking at the camera. She’s just looking at him. And the smile on his face could’ve lit up the room.”
I drop my head, feeling Tim’s pain anew.
“I knelt on the floor beside him, and you know what he said to me?” my dad asks with a quiver in his voice.
I raise my eyes to his, seeing the sorrow reflected in them.
“'Maybe she’ll look at me that way again when I see her in heaven,'” he responds, choking up, and I take a step back, putting some distance between us. “He knew everything she did, yet he was still in love with her. That’s when I knew why he kept away. Because being around you was too painful… You reminded him of her.”
I dig my toe into the corner of a nearby tombstone, so mad at the way things turned out. Tim never opened himself up to life again. It was like, in the years after Cassidy died, he was already living among the dead. He couldn’t let go of her. He never would.
“So I’m sorry, son, for putting all of the blame on your shoulders,” he admits, coming up behind me and patting me on the back. “I was wrong to do that. I always thought that being around each other would only help the two of you get past your differences. I didn’t see how far gone he was. Hanging on to her became a habit for him. He could only handle the version of her he had in his mind. The minute reality interfered, he was lost.”
I rake a hand through my damp hair, gazing off in the direction of Cassidy’s grave. “Do you think they’re together now?”
“If there’s any mercy in this life or the next, I surely hope so,” he replies softly.
“Even with Conrad’s baby?” I turn on my heel, unable to put a rosy spin on things.
“It didn’t matter to him,” he responds, placing his hand on my lapel. “You know that.”
“Does that mean I loved her any less?” I ask, furrowing my brow at him.
“No,” my dad says with conviction. “It just means you love Ivy more.”
I nod, feeling the emotion build up inside of me. He’s right. I got my happily ever after, just not with the girl I expected. I can only hope the same is true for Tim wherever he is now. His heart was capable of so much love, love that was never fully returned.
“Thank you, Dad.” I give him a quick hug, understanding the precious gift of wisdom he’s given me.