“No, it couldn’t have,” I snarl back at her. “Because at that time, we hadn’t slept together in months.”
Ivy knows I’m on the brink. And it won’t be good for her if I go off. She’s sitting there gazing at me in fear, and I’m on the verge of having a meltdown. I can’t do that to her. But I can’t keep it inside either. God, the pain is too much to bear.
“I think I’m going to go out hunting with Ben. Take some time to be by myself for a while,” I say curtly. “Will will look after things until I get back. I just really need some time alone right now, and I hope you can understand that.”
She nods silently, tears falling down her cheeks. My heart is aching inside, and from the anguished expression on her face I know she’s feeling every bit of the agony I’m experiencing. I can’t subject her to this. I have to get it out of my system before I can let her comfort me. I’m in too volatile a state. It’s too fresh, too raw.
“Eric, let me go with you guys,” Tim implores, cautiously observing my reaction. “I knew this would be hard. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“No, I’m glad you did,” I say wearily. “But there’s no way I can be around you right now.”
“All right, man. Just get in the truck with Ben and get out of here. Go clear your head,” Tim urges, quickly standing up. “If you want to talk more when you get back, I’m always here for you if you need me.”
I nod at him blankly and go over to where Ivy is sitting with a dazed look on her face. I bend down and kiss her forehead as she clings to me, not wanting to let me go.
“I’ll be back. I promise,” I say hoarsely.
“I know,” she whispers, trying to be brave.
“If anything happens to her, you come get me.” I point at Tim, making my intentions clear.
“You can count on it,” he reassures me, looking mournfully at the two of us.
“Now go upstairs and get some rest,” I encourage her. “Stay in bed for the rest of the day. It’s just going to be cold and gloomy out anyway.”
“I love you,” she sniffles. “And just so you know, that’s the only reason I’m letting you do this.”
“I know,” I say, ruffling her hair. “That’s why I love you.”
I brush my lips across hers and give her a gentle kiss before breaking away. I can’t look at her or I won’t have the strength to leave. And I have to do what’s best for her and the baby. I need to work through this on my own so I can come back to her and be the man she needs me to be. So once and for all, I can put the memory of what I had with Cassidy behind me.
I can’t ask Ivy to understand what I’m feeling after learning without a doubt that her baby wasn’t mine when she’s fighting with everything’s she’s got to hold on to the baby that is. I’m not that selfish. I can’t take everything out of her in order to get myself back on an even footing again. I have to find the strength within myself to do it on my own.
This is my trial, and mine alone.
Chapter Eighteen
Ivy
I watch Eric walk out the door, and I wish I had never laid eyes on Tim.
Why did I trick him into coming over here? What good did it do? Yeah, the truth’s out, but at what cost? I never imagined that Tim would pin the paternity of Cassidy’s baby on someone else. I hoped it was going to be clear-cut—either it was Tim’s or it was Eric’s, end of discussion. Little did I know that I didn’t have all the facts. Tim was keeping a mighty big secret from me. And I still don’t think he’s revealed all that he knows.
“Let’s go sit by the fire,” I command as Tim shoots me a hangdog look. “This isn’t over. Not by a long shot.”
We make ourselves comfortable on the couch as Shep jumps over Tim and settles his head in my lap. I absently stroke his furry head, grateful for the stress relief he’s providing as he sighs against my hand in that doggy way of his. I feel the baby kick at the same time, and my other hand rushes to my stomach. The baby’s excited. That’s not good. I take a few deep breaths to even my heart rate. I have to get my emotions under control. The last place I want to end up today is the emergency room.
“Ivy, are you okay?” Tim leans forward, knowing something’s up when he sees me wince.
“I’m fine, Tim,” I say, closing my eyes. “But you didn’t have to do that. You should’ve given me some warning so I could have better prepared him for that. But no, you had to go and act on your own, and now look what you did. You know he can’t take things like that. They’re too much for him.”