Hit List(91)

“You aren’t responsible for me, Bernardo,” I said.

“I know that, but it doesn’t matter, Edward meant it.”

“I’ll talk to him,” I said.

He shrugged. “You can try, but if the big guy here actually kills you, once Edward kills him, then we’re all dead. Me, because he said he’d do it, and the rest of the men because they were your bodyguards and they failed. He’ll kill us all, Anita, so do us a favor, stay alive; okay?”

I didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

“Yep, you can,” Bernardo said, “but Edward’s grief if you die will be a terrible thing. It will hurt him, a lot, and men like him make sure they never grieve alone. He will spread his grief all over us, not because we failed, but because it’ll give him something to focus on so he doesn’t have to feel the pain.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If he blames all the men you brought with you and has to kill them all, plus me, it’ll take time to kill us all, and there’s always a chance we’ll kill him before he gets us all. I’m good at staying alive and killing things, and the men with you are pretty damn good, too; it’s a tall order even for Edward with us knowing he’s coming.”

Nicky said, “So, killing us all will give him a goal, things to do, so he doesn’t have to feel.”

“Yeah,” Bernardo said.

“You’ve given this a lot of thought,” I said.

“When someone like Edward tells you that he’ll kill you, you give it a lot of thought.”

I couldn’t really argue with that.

“It’s also a way to risk suicide without the suicide,” Nicky said.

“I think so,” Bernardo said.

“I don’t think I’m important enough to Edward for all that. He wouldn’t risk leaving Donna and the kids.”

“He’ll do exactly what I just said, Anita. In the front of his head, no, that’s not what he’s thinking, but trust me, Anita, if you get dead, especially if he blames himself in any way, he will be a force of destruction looking for a place to be aimed. And he’s blamed himself for introducing you to Olaf here from the get-go. If Olaf did to you what he’s done to some of his other victims, Edward would drown the world in blood to try to erase those images.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I wanted to protest. I wanted to say he was wrong, but a part of me asked, What would I do if it were Edward tortured to death and I thought it was my fault? I wouldn’t kill tons of people, but anyone I thought was responsible for it—they’d be dead. I had more rules than Edward did, so if I felt that way about him, how much more would he do if it were me dead? Especially at Olaf’s not-so-tender mercies? I didn’t want Nicky and the boys dead, and I’d talk to Edward about that, and Bernardo. They didn’t deserve that, but Olaf dead at Edward’s hands, oh, hell yes. The thought that Edward would probably kill him slowly was like a warm, happy thought.

“I’ll talk to him about you, all of you. I wouldn’t want anyone else hurt just because I wasn’t here.”

“You can talk to him,” Bernardo said, “but it won’t help. I’ve known Edward for years. I’ve seen him do things that he wouldn’t do in front of you. Trust me; I’d rather have almost anyone else after my ass.”

Again, I didn’t know what to say, so I just agreed. “I wouldn’t want Edward gunning for me, either.”

“All that, and you’re going to concentrate on just that part?” Bernardo said.

I looked at him and shrugged. “What else do you want me to say?”

“God, you really are a guy, I mean you look like a girl, but that is such a guy thing. You ignore all the emotional shit and grab onto that Edward is dangerous. Shit, Anita.”

“Are you always this much of a pussy?” Nicky said.

Bernardo glared at him and set his shoulders, moving slightly forward. People think that fights begin with frowns, or shouts, but they don’t. They begin in much smaller body cues, the human version of dogs raising their hackles, but the dogs know what it means, and so do most men.

Nicky smiled, which was another way to egg the other man on. It was escalating the fight without most women realizing what he’d done, but I wasn’t most women.

“Nicky,” I said, “don’t.”

He looked at me, his face trying for innocent and failing.

Bernardo moved a little closer, and I stepped between them. “We are not fighting over stupid shit,” I said.

“You’re not my boss, not yet,” Bernardo said.