“What is it?”
I swallowed thickly, feeling the words, the full shame of my past lodge inside my throat. Before I lost the courage, I spoke, told him something I’d been thinking about since Chicago. “I quit wanting my husband just a few weeks after we returned from my honeymoon. But that doesn’t mean he stopped wanting me.” Declan growled as he began to understand my words, but I pressed on. “I didn’t tell him no, ever, because that would have been worse.”
“Are you telling me your husband raped you?” he said, growling again. I felt the fury beginning to build inside of him, felt his rage sparking heat in the air between us.
I wasn’t afraid of him, though.
Because Declan wouldn’t hurt me.
“I’m saying that I did my wifely duty when it was required of me and it wasn’t all bad, it just wasn’t all enjoyable either, and it certainly was never something I wanted. But last week in Chicago…” I breathed in a ragged breath and forced myself to blink. “I wanted that. I wanted you and I haven’t wanted anythinganyonein a really long time, so thank you for giving that to me. If it was just a one-time thing, I guess…I just need you to know how much I enjoyed it.”
Declan’s fingers on my waist dug in, and my hand on his chest felt his harsh, deep breaths through the warmth of his shirt.
His lips twitched and a muscle jumped in his cheek.
“I haven’t wanted to push you,” he finally admitted. “That morning was intense for both of us, and you still have a lot on your mind. I told you that we’d go at your pace, explore this in a way that’s good for you.”
My lips fought a smile and lost. “I’d like for our pace to move a bit faster.”
His lips mirrored mine and then he looked over at Boomer, whining at the back door.
“I’m going to let the dog out.” He took a step back, not taking his eyes off me. For a brief moment, I wondered if I’d flubbed this, if telling him about Kevin and our sex life was being too honest, if telling him that I wanted to have sex with him again was being too forward, too blunt.
My questions were erased when he said, “I’ll take care of Boomer. I want you to go get ready for bed. And when you’re done doing that, I want you to end up in my bed. You want to move forward, we’ll move forward.”
Nerves ignited in my stomach.
The best kind of nerves.
“You want me, Trina?”
I could only nod.
Declan flashed me a salacious grin. “Then be a good girl and do what I’m telling you.”
Chapter 17
Declan
After I let Boomer out, my house felt deafening in its silence.
I should have been able to hear Trina banging around upstairs in her bedroom and bathroom. I should have been able to hear footsteps headed down the hallway toward my room.
On a normal night, I would have heard all of this.
Instead, all I heard was a thundering in my ears.
It was the middle of the fucking night, after three o’clock, and I was bone weary from closing the restaurant.
But nothing would stop me from getting Trina in my bed and showing her how much I wanted her. The last few days, since we’d been back from Chicago, had been fucking killing me.
I meant what I’d told her. I was taking this at her speed. The fact that she wanted me to speed things up was A-fucking-OK with me.
My lips stretched into a grin as I watched Boomer do his business and sniff around the backyard for a few minutes. I gave him his time outside, knowing he’d been cooped up, probably sleeping all over my couch for the whole day.
I also needed a few minutes to calm down.
Get in control.
I wanted to thrust inside Trina so powerfully she’d never forget what I felt like.
Earlier, she’d been a wreck in my arms, and I wanted to make it good for her. Take it slow. Pleasure her.
Especially considering what she just told me.
Sometimes I wondered if I should have pushed us forward. She was still technically a married woman.
Under any other circumstances, I would never go for another man’s woman. But Morgenson wasn’t a manhe was a snake and a coward. I had no doubt we’d find him before he found her, as long as Tyson kept calling in favors, as I knew he was doing.
Until then, I’d trust Trina.
A difficult concept after Mara broke whatever trust I had in women.
But so far, Trina had been honest. She’d told me what she needed and what she wanted, and hadn’t given any indication she wasn’t the woman she’d shown herself to be.
At the very least, she was learning to ask for what she wanted, and learning it was okay to be whoever she wanted to be.
And I couldn’t stop the masculine surge of testosterone in me that came from knowing that, in part, that new confidence of hers was because of me.
“Boom,” I called out quietly after I slid the back door open. “Get in here.”
The dumb animal looked up at me and, swear to God, his lips formed a pout, and then he trotted inside, head down, bummed out of his mind.
“Go to bed,” I told him.
As if he understood, he lumbered up the stairs ahead of me. Without stopping, he headed directly to Trina’s bedroom and I heard him jump from the wood floor up onto her bed.
Since she didn’t say anything when her dog jumped up on her bed, I knew she wasn’t there.
She’d listened to me.
Another surge tightened my chest and I closed the door to her room, shutting Boomer inside.
The last thing I wanted in the next hour or two was to be interrupted by the dog.
I forced myself to walk slowly as I took the few paces to my bedroom, but I felt my pulse kick up a notch or twenty when I saw a faint bluish light peeking out from beneath my slightly opened bedroom door.
With one hand, I pushed the door open and my eyes immediately snapped toward the bed.
Everything inside me froze.
Then ached.
Then burned with desire.
Because Trina wasn’t just in my bed where I told her I wanted her…
She was lying on her back, head propped up on a bunch of pillows, and she was butt fucking naked.
Words caught in my throat as I took her in and stepped inside my room and closed the door behind me.
“You listened.”
My voice was ragged. Strained. Much as my cock currently was against the zipper of my jeans.
Holy shit, she was beautiful.
Her blonde hair was curled and splayed out all over the pillows behind her, some flowing over her shoulder, hiding her breasts from my view. Her stomach, trim and toned, raised and dipped with every one of her quickened breaths.
And her legs.
Damn.
Those long, lean legs of hers shouldn’t be allowed anywhere except wrapped around my hips.
She licked her lips and I saw them tremble as she forced them into a smile. “You didn’t say if you wanted me to be wearing anything.” She shrugged and her eyes widened slightly. “So I chose not to.”
I cleared my throat and took another step forward. “Good choice.”
She let out a soft laugh that made my dick harden further.
Everything inside me hardened and tightened.
Hell. I didn’t know where to begin.
I didn’t know what to say. For the first time in my life, I was speechless in front of a naked woman.
I like to talk during sex. I want my women to know what they were doing to me, want them to know how much I enjoyed them. And the talking involved a lot of cussing.
I had no doubt that by the time morning came the swear jar Trina started for me was going to be overflowing.
Something that didn’t bother me in the least.
“Tell me something, Trina.” I took another step toward her at the same time I reached to the back of my shirt and pulled it off. “What do you like during sex?”
Her eyes widened and she blinked several times. For a moment, I thought she was speechless from staring at my chest, but then I realized it was because she had no idea what to say.
Her face went blank when our gazes met. I took off my jeans and closed the distance between us until I was crawling up the bed by her feet. Her legs separated and I braced myself above her, before slipping down to feel her heat press again my groin.
Fuck.
She was already hot.
I could feel her center throbbing against my cock.
“Trina?” I asked, bracing my weight on one elbow and running my other hand through her hair. “What do you like?”
“I don’t…” She blinked again and looked away from me. I took my hand from her hair and pressed it against her cheek.
“Don’t look away from me,” I whispered, fighting the anger boiling in my veins all over again.
“I don’t know what I like because no one’s ever taken the time to let me explore.”
My head fell until my lips brushed against her chest, just above her breasts. I stayed there, brushing my lips against her skin, grazing on the curves of her flesh.
Her hands slid over my head until her fingertips dug into my shoulders, getting my attention.
“I know that I want to explore you.”
Her heart rate increased as she spoke and I lifted my head.
“You will. What else?”
Her lips rolled together. “I like to be on top. I had never done that before Chicago.”
My hips rolled into hers on their own accord.
Fuck. Me. This woman was going to kill me.
She looked so sweet. So innocent.
So perfectly made for me.
“You want to be in control?” I asked, already sliding down her body, dragging my lips over the skin between her breasts. “That’s usually my role in the bedroom.”