Hell without Raven was a whole new reality. One he was desperate to escape.
'You made me face up to my flaws, to seek help before I hurt anyone else.' He couldn't stop himself from brushing his lips against her nape.
Her delicate shudder gave him hope but her next words dashed them completely. 'So you wanted to thank me? I accept your gratitude. Let me go, please.'
He held on tight. 'I'm seeking help, Raven, learning to change. But I need you. Without you, all this will be for nothing.'
She finally turned in his arms. The look on her face threatened to stop his breath. 'You can't do this because of me. You should want to seek help for yourself.'
'Sí, even I get that. But nothing I do will have any meaning unless you're part of that change.'
'What exactly are you saying?' she whispered.
Go for broke, Rafa. Hell, there was nothing left to lose. No, scratch that. There was everything to lose. Without her, his life had no meaning. So he took the biggest gamble he'd ever taken.
'Lo siento. I got it horribly wrong. I'm sorry.'
'What did you get wrong?'
'Not seeing the treasure I had in you until it was too late.'
She shook her head and grimaced. 'I'm no treasure, Rafael. I am just as damaged as you. I fooled myself into thinking a half-life was better than letting myself feel. You made me see that I'd let my father's treatment of me cloud my judgement so I pushed everyone away.'
His hand tightened on her waist. 'You know what I want to do?'
She shook her head.
'I want to track him down and ram my fist so far down his throat, he'll never speak again.'
'Don't let your shrink hear you say that.'
His smile felt grim and tight. 'I said I was trying to change. I never said I was aiming for saint of the year.' He sobered. 'I'm disgusted that my behaviour brought up what happened to you when you lived with him.'
'That's just it. Deep down I knew you were nothing like him but I'd programmed myself so thoroughly I let myself grasp the excuse when everyone told me you were nothing but a ruthless playboy.'
'And of course I went out of my way to prove them right.'
'If you were, you'd never have agreed to stop flirting with other women. Never have refused Chantilly's blatant invitation.'
Raven saw the flash of self-disgust and pain in his eyes.
'There was a time when I wouldn't have.'
'Past tense. You're a better man now. A better person.'
'Because of you.' His knuckle brushed down her cheek in a gesture so soft and gentle, tears threatened.
Despite the foolish hope that threatened, Raven's heart remained frozen. She couldn't remain here. If she did, she'd end up making a total fool of herself.
'I have to go-'
'I love you,' he rasped in a whisper so fierce it sizzled around the room.
'I...what?'
His heartbreakingly beautiful face contorted in a grimace. 'I'm still broken, querida, not so much on the outside any more, but I'm a long way from being perfect. And I know it's selfish of me but I want you so very desperately that I have to ask you to consider taking a chance on me, flawed and hideous as I am.' Acute vulnerability shone from his eyes and, when he grasped her arms, Raven felt the tremor in his fingers.
'You love me?'
'I have no right to, and I can't promise that I won't be a complete bastard on occasion, but sí, I love you. And I'll do anything to make you agree to hitch a ride with this broken wagon.'
'Rafael...'
He kissed her silent, as if he was afraid of what she'd say. She kissed him back, infusing every single drop of what she felt into the act. Somehow, he got the message.
He pulled back sharply, the question blazing its intensity in his eyes.
'Yes, my gorgeous man. I love you too.'
A frenzied tearing of clothes followed that sweet, soul-shaking confession. They made love right there in the living room, on the plush, expensive rug helpfully supplied by the five-star hotel.
She held her breath as Rafael slid on the sheath and prowled his naked body over hers. Hardly believing that this beautiful man was hers, she caressed her fingers down his firm cheek. He turned his head and kissed her palm, then, being the shameless opportunist he was, he kissed his way down her arm to her shoulder, then over her chest to capture one rigid nipple in his mouth.
At the same time, he parted her thighs with his and entered her in one bold thrust. Their coupling was fast, furious, their need for each other a raging fire that swiftly burned out of control.
When they'd caught their breaths, Rafael moved, picked her up and walked her into the bedroom.
'Should you be doing that?' she asked.
'I'm a renewed man. I can move mountains.' He let go of her and she tumbled onto the bed. Before she got totally lost in the effortlessly skilled seduction she knew he was aiming her way, she placed a hand on his lips.
'We haven't talked about your racing.'
His settled his long frame next to hers, his eyes serious. 'I think I need to concentrate on getting myself mentally in shape before I get behind the wheel. I've turned down a seat for this season.'
Knowing what it must have taken for him to turn down what he loved doing, her heart swelled. 'You take care of the mental aspect. I'll make sure your body is whipped into shape in time for next year's season.'
He grinned and tugged her close. 'I'd expect no less from my take-no-prisoners future wife.'
Her breath stalled. 'Is that a proposal, Rafael?'
'It's whatever you want it to be. If you don't think I'll make a good enough husband, you can take me as your sex slave. Or your boy toy. Or your f-'
She stopped him with a kiss before he finished. His incorrigible laugh promised retribution. And, for the life of her, Raven couldn't think of a better way to be punished.
'Sasha is going to hate me for disappearing from her gala,' she said an hour later.
'No, she's not. I begged her to send you the invitation. We both agreed I owe her big.'
She mock glared at him. 'You're right, you haven't changed one little bit.'
He laughed, a rich sound that made her soul sing. When he stared deep into her eyes her heart turned over. 'I have something to show you.'
Curious, she watched him reach into his drawer and pull out a sheaf of papers.
'You finished it?'
'Yes,' he answered. There was no laughter in his voice, no shameless lust monster lurking behind the stunning blue eyes.
There was only a careful, almost painfully hopeful expectancy.
She took the papers from him. Seeing the one word title, her heart caught-Mamá.
'I knew it. I knew Ana and Carlos were your parents.'
Two hours later, she looked up, tears streaming down her face. He'd sat with her back tucked against his front, in watchful silence while she read, all the while knowing he'd been reading his words alongside her.
The sheen of tears in his eyes rocked her soul.
'It's beautiful, Rafael.'
'Gracias. I hope, wherever she is, she forgives me for what I did.'
'She's your mother. That's what mothers do. And I promise to remind you of that whenever the nightmares threaten.'
The look in his eyes made hers fill all over again. 'Mi corazon. I don't deserve you.'
Her smile was watery. 'No, you don't. But I'll let you have me anyway.'
EPILOGUE
'SO WHAT DO I get for winning the bet?' Raven asked as they stood in another luxurious room, surrounded by well-heeled guests, the very best vintage champagne and excellent food.
'What more could you possibly want, mi amor? You have my slavish adoration by day and my hot body by night.'
'Yes, but do you know how draining it's been to reassure you every day for the last three months that your book will be a smashing success? That more than one person will turn up at this launch?'
Rafael mock frowned. 'Have I been that needy?'
'Yes, you have, but don't think I wasn't fooled by what that neediness got you. You owe me big.'
'I seem to owe everyone big. Okay, how about...' He whispered a very hot, very dirty suggestion of payment. She was still blushing several minutes later when they both heard the whine of an electric wheelchair.
Rafael's father stopped beside them. An electronic copy of Rafael's book had been programmed into a tablet on his wheelchair, and the front page showed a picture of Rafael's mother, her face creased in a stunning smile as she laughed into the camera.
Rafael told her he'd taken that picture the year before she died.
'Carlos, please tell your son to stop worrying about his book. He thinks one of us has been bribing the critics to give it rave reviews.'
Carlos smiled and glanced at his son. Then he started to speak to him in Spanish. Slowly, Rafael's smile disappeared until his face was transformed into a look of intense love and gratitude. With a shaky hand, he touched his father's shoulder, then bent forward and kissed both his cheeks.
'Gracias, Papá.' His voice was rough as he straightened.
Carlos nodded, his own eyes holding a sheen of tears as he rolled his chair away.
'What did he say?'
'He's proud of me. And my mother would be too if she were here.'
As hard as she blinked, the tears welled. 'Damn it, you de Cervantes men sure know how to ruin a girl's make up.'
He caught her around the waist and pulled her close into his hard body.