God, this woman is beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off her, even the tiniest detail of her face kept me mesmerized.
“Yeah, well, lunch was a bit distracting for me. If you hadn't realized that already. Why did you move?”
“Uh, uh, uh.” She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, waving a single finger. “One question at a time, it's my turn.” Picking up her fork, she poked around the food on her plate. “What's your middle name?” she said, sliding a piece of chicken into her mouth.
“Skip.”
With her mouth half full, she mumbled. “No, you can't skip. What is it?”
“Really? I don't want to say it, it's embarrassing.”
“Come on, no one likes their middle name, it's a fact. So spit it out already, it can't be that bad.”
“Fine. But let me go on record saying I don't want to hear it ever again.” Rolling my eyes, the word fell out as a whisper. “Regan.”
Chuckling, she brought her napkin to her face. “What? Really? Regan?” Her laugh grew louder as she said it together. “Hegan Regan?” I watched her body shake with each attempt to inhale, trying to contain her laughter.
“Yes, can we move on now?” My lip curled at the corner. I hated my middle name, but it was comical. I couldn't deny the fact that the two names rhymed with each other, and to this day I had no idea what my parents were thinking.
“Okay, I'm sorry. Go, your turn.” Her lips sealed tight, small giggles still emanating from inside her throat.
“Why did you move?”
Noella stopped smiling immediately. Her body tensed up, back going stiff. “Well, that's when my mom got sick. We moved to be closer to the hospital she's been in.” Resting her fork on the table, her fingers began to wrap around each other.
“I'm sorry, that has to be tough.” I didn't really know what to say. I've never been in a situation like that before. No one close to me has ever been gravely ill or come close to death. So finding the words to give her some form of comfort wasn't easy.
But that's what I wanted to do. I had the overwhelming urge to grab her and hold her, tell her I would fix her mom and it would all be fine.
Wow, where is this coming from? I've never felt like this before, never wanted to do anything I could to help someone else.
Watching her entire frame fill with worry and fear, it pained me; hitting me right in the gut. Her pain had become my pain, and I needed to stop it, for her.
Noella shook her head. “It's alright. It'll be okay.” Her lungs started to rapidly fill with air, nose squeaking as she took in slow deep breaths. She was on the brink of crying.
“Yes, it will be. I'll make sure of it, I promise.”
Lifting her eyes to mine, the welling water balanced on the edges of her lids. “You can't promise me that, Hegan. Even if you did give her everything she could ever need, you can't promise that.”
My stomach whirled with a feeling I wasn't familiar with. Was it sadness? Uncertainty? Or just human nature to feel her emotions? I didn't know.
I've spent years burying anything and everything if it tried to clench my insides. Those feelings weren't welcomed in my world, and I learned early on that my feelings didn't really matter.
“Noella, I'm going to make sure your mom gets what she needs. I can promise you that.” Wrapping my fingers around hers, I squeezed firmly. “And I'm serious. Regardless of anything else, I can promise you that.”
Her shoulders rolled forward, sniffling into her napkin. I could tell she was close to her mother, this hit her deep. A single tear crested her lid, trailing down her cheek. Cupping her chin, my thumb brushed the drop away.
Every nerve in my body became charged, firing rapidly. Noella deserved a life where she didn't have to worry, didn't have to struggle. My brain started to toil over my goal and my feelings. What the hell am I doing? Is this worth it? Worth everything?
“Why do you need me to have your baby? You said you'd lose everything, but I need more. Why?” Narrowing her eyes, she searched my face, searched me for the answer.
Her need to understand the entirety of this and what I put on her; plagued every muscle in her face.
Taking a deep breath, I gave her the reason she was looking for. “On my birthday, my dad told me I needed to give him a grandchild. He said if I didn't, then he was going take everything from me. Everything.” Tearing my eyes from hers, my hands fell limp. “I don't want to live on the street, in an alley. I need this.”
“So were both screwed, huh?”
“I don't know, Noella.” Spinning my fork against the table, I couldn't look at her. I've been trying to keep my head straight, focused on what was supposed to happen.