His Pregnant Christmas Bride(58)
He was blithely dismissing this catastrophic discovery that had shattered the very pillars of her existence.
Her crushing misery morphed into exasperation making her hiss, “This is deadly serious, Ivan.”
“And I’m as deadly serious when I say I’ve never been this relieved. I thought I lost you and my world was ending and then you tell me this, and I’m like, ‘Really? That’s it? That’s what she almost gave us both heart attacks over?’”
At her chagrined screech, he took both her hands, pressed kisses on them before pressing them to his heart, his gaze becoming pure persuasion. “I swear on the most precious things in my life—you and our coming child—that I really, really couldn’t care less what your mother did. I’m not the child who went to The Organization, or the young man who escaped it, or even the man I was until I came back for you months ago. I’m now the new me, the one who loves you, the man you own. And this man has no place in his memory except for every single second since he met you, and every single second in our future together. This man is endlessly grateful that his life path—the horrific parts included—led him to you and made him into the man you love. This man cares about absolutely nothing else, as long as you love him.”
His every word was a jolt supercharging her heart with a surplus of love for him that she felt she’d burst with it.
Struggling to contain it all, her hands fisted on his chest, her whole body shaking. “You can’t still love me when I and my own have been the curse of your existence!”
He shook his head. “The only times I felt I was cursed was when I thought I’d lose you. And during the past three days when I thought I already had.”
Feeling her head would explode with the need to get him angry, she started to protest again, but he surged, sealed her lips with his, letting her taste his life and love, his relief and delight. But it was tasting his smile that made her pull back, her blood seething.
“Ivan, you can’t. I can’t let you forgive. You must exact vengeance, carve out pounds of flesh, preferably from me.”
He only hauled her into his arms and laid her back on the bed, enveloping her in a full body hug. “I’m taking all hundred and forty pounds of your precious, libido-igniting flesh.” His eyes filled with teasing, and a trace of lingering insecurity. “That is, if you love me.”
She drummed her feet on the bed in frustration. “If? It’s because my whole being is ninety percent made of loving you that I’m losing my mind here.”
He threw his head back and laughed, before squeezing her hard. “See this? This is exactly why I’m not only not angry with your mother I’m even glad she did what she did. It didn’t only mean saving everyone, it meant saving you. Saving you so you’d grow up into this irreplaceable creature, so I can one day find you, and love you for the rest of my life.”
Stymied beyond expression or endurance, she started weeping again. “Ivan, oh, God, Ivan, you’re too much...and I love you too much, it hurts. It’s excruciating when I think—”
“Then don’t think. Or think only of this. That if I’d known the real price of my family’s salvation, and yours, I would have paid it willingly then. I would do anything at all for you now. And knowing that, do you think I’ll do nothing while you feel this horribly? Do you think I can rest while you break your own heart, and hate your mother to avenge me?”
“But I can’t just forget, Ivan. I can’t forgive her.”
“But I want you to. Your mother did a terrible thing, at terrible times, and she’s been punishing herself, eaten by guilt ever since. She has made up in every way possible for my family, and for yours. And she not only lost Alex, she feels it’s her fault. That is far more punishment that any mother should have to endure, no matter her crimes. Have mercy, moya dusha. Forgive her here...” He pressed his open palm to her heart, making her sob and burrow into his hardness and heat. “Pity her. And most of all, love her again. I need you to. I don’t want any anger or disappointment or bitterness to eat at the magnificent light and beauty inside you.”
Her tears stopped. There was such a thing as being moved beyond tears.
His smile became crooked. “I am being partially selfish here, since I’m the primary beneficiary of your light and beauty, the one who has the most to gain from it in the form of endless pleasure and fathomless love.”
She rose to look down on him, everything inside her capitulating. Loving him beyond endurance, she whispered, “You miracle of a man who loves me beyond my wildest imaginings no matter what. You avenging angel who will avenge anyone but yourself. Will you take me as your wife, Ivan? Will you let me have and hold you, love and cherish you, support and defend you, lose my mind over you and give my very soul to you, so that not even death will us part?”