His Mistress with Two Secrets(51)

“Name calling isn’t any more mature than toddler level, you know.”

“Did you want to talk to him? Because I don’t understand what we’re fighting about.”

“Do you rely on me for anything?” she demanded as she swung around, thinking maybe, just maybe, if she thought she fulfilled some corner of his life that was more than arm candy at a banquet, they had a chance. “Beyond sex and, you know, building two babies you didn’t ask for?”

“Pleasant companionship?” he suggested.

“I loved my first boyfriend, you know.” She threw it at him and should have been more pleased at the way he stiffened as it struck, but she just felt raw. “Maybe it was puppy love, but James felt the same. I knew better than to let a man hold too much sway over my life, though. Learned that from losing Dad, right? So I didn’t change my plans and follow James to the school he preferred. I followed my own path, thought we could weather it, but he cheated on me and it felt awful.”

“Your mother said she thought you picked Avery because he was safe. Is that what she meant?”

“Yes.” She shrugged off how self-delusional it had been. “He was nice, but socially awkward and, yes, he was the beta in the relationship. Okay? It felt good to be the one in control. To feel adored without risking too much. You know how great that feels.”

They held a locked stare. His jaw was granite, shadows flicking in his face as the angle of lighting changed. The car was pulling into the underground parking of the hotel where they were staying.

“Maybe I unconsciously thought if I took care of him, he wouldn’t cheat or leave,” Cinnia muttered, gathering her purse and straightening in preparation for the dash to the elevator. “Even if he did, it wouldn’t hurt like it had with James, but Avery still found a way to make me feel horrible for believing he cared and, yes, that left me convinced I need to do things myself. I hate needing a man for anything. Thank you, Guy,” she said as the door beside her opened and the guard offered his hand.

She even needed a man’s help crawling from a car these days. It was pathetic.

Oscar already had the elevator open. Cameras flashed from between the shrubs outside the open grill windows as they scurried the short distance into the lift.

They didn’t speak again until they were inside their suite at the top of the building. The space was full of plush furniture in burnt reds and toasted golds, welcoming with fresh flowers and bowls of fruit. None of it softened her mood.

Henri took her coat to hang it and she went to the sofa, sitting to remove the stupid shoes that were killing her feet. That’s when she remembered she’d had to ask him to buckle them for her earlier.

She let out a muted scream of frustration and dropped onto her side, burying her face in a tasseled pillow. It was that or break down altogether.

Warm hands gathered her ankles and he lifted her feet out of the way to sit, then set her shoes in his lap and worked on a buckle.

“I hate being weak,” she said, shifting the pillow so it covered her ear and she spoke from beneath it, arm curled to hold it in place. “I hate that I can’t get through a day without a nap. I hate that I can’t sit long enough to get through all the work that needs to be done so I can put away the money that you keep telling me I don’t need. I hate that you’re taking over my bills and won’t let me pay for groceries. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I’m becoming dependent on you.”

He dropped her shoes away and kept her bare feet in his lap, rubbing them. It felt wonderful and tender and it was one more way she was letting him do something for her. Her breath caught, nearly becoming a sob.

“I hate that those men hurt you and you don’t trust me as a result,” he said gravely. “You’re right that I crave control even more than you do. At your expense, even. I wasn’t trying to make you feel weak when I called him, though. I was reacting.” He squeezed her feet, warming them. “I would have preferred to kill him, if you want the truth. Apparently there are laws.”

He was trying to make light, but she had heard his tone in the car and heard that same ruthlessness now.

“I used to find it so refreshing that you were self-sufficient. Lately, I find it insulting. You can entrust yourself to me, Cinnia. I know that’s not easy for you, I understand why you’re so reluctant, but I have already put many things in place that will ensure you never want. You’ll always be comfortable and, to the extent I can manage it, safe from harm. We are a team where these babies are concerned. It’s basic parenting dynamics that I do the providing and protecting so you can do the birthing and nurturing.”