His Lady of Castlemora(30)

'Would one of them be Lady Isabelle by any chance?'

He looked up sharply. 'Why should you think that?'

'Well, let me see... She no longer comes to this room. You're in a foul  humour and she looks utterly despondent.' She paused. 'Am I getting  close?'

He heaved another sigh. 'It was my fault. I spoke more harshly than I'd intended and I hurt her feelings.'

'Then perhaps you should apologise.'

'It's not that simple.'

'Well, it would be a good start.'

'Damn it, Ash. Do you think I don't know that?'

'So the difficulty is...?'

'I fear she won't want to listen.'

'Perhaps you should give her the benefit of the doubt.'

* * *

Their conversation remained much on his mind and the more he dwelt on it  the more irksome his invalid status became. He knew he was going to  have to talk to Isabelle and that was going to be impossible while he  was confined to bed. After four more days he could stand it no longer  and announced his intention of getting up.

Ashlynn sighed. 'I suppose it wouldn't be of any use to tell you to wait a little longer?'

'No use at all,' he replied.

In fact his shoulder pained him very little as long as he didn't try to  use his arm, and the gash along his ribs was now mending to a vivid  scar.

'I'll help you into your shirt then, shall I?'

'I need to shave as well.'

'Why can't you just grow a beard like other men?'

'Because it itches and drives me mad.'

'You're already mad, Brother. The beard has nothing to do with it.'

He returned a quelling look. Ashlynn grinned.

* * *

It took a while to accomplish both tasks but eventually it was done. Ban  thanked her and then turned towards the door. As he reached the  threshold he hesitated. Dark Mount was quite large and there were  innumerable places a person might be. He didn't think his strength equal  yet to an exhaustive search.

'Where?'

'I'm not entirely sure, but you could try the roof terrace.'

It wasn't far and he reached the door a few minutes later. Taking a deep  breath he opened it and went out. The terrace was empty. He was aware  of disappointment but at the same time it felt good to be outdoors  again, to breathe the free air and feel the sun on his face. He strolled  to the parapet and looked out across the glen, thinking of the men who  would never look upon it again. As soon as he could mount a horse he  would go and see Jock's wife. He owed her that courtesy.

It was the sound of a creaking hinge that drew him back and he glanced  round. His heartbeat quickened a little as Isabelle stepped out on to  the terrace. She didn't notice his presence at first, but, having closed  the door behind her, looked up and then stopped in her tracks.

'Ban.' The word was accompanied by a spontaneous smile. Then it faded  into something closer to quiet consternation. 'I...I thought you still  abed.'

'I found it increasingly tedious.'

'Well, I am glad to see you so far recovered.'

'I have had good care though I fear I was not always a good patient.'

'Nell says that fighting men rarely are.'

'She's right. By nature we do not take kindly to being shut up for any length of time.'                       
       
           



       

'Then I'll leave you to enjoy your new-found freedom.' She turned towards the door.

'Isabelle, don't go.' The tone was midway between a command and a plea  but it checked her long enough for him to close the gap between them. 'I  must speak with you.'

With an effort she faced him. 'My lord?'

'What I'm trying say is that I'm sorry for my churlish behaviour the other day.'

It clearly took her by surprise, he noted with wry amusement, but then it would, given his previous manner towards her.

'You were not yourself,' she replied.

'No, but that isn't a good enough excuse.' He paused. 'I would have apologised sooner but you did not return.'

'I thought you would not welcome my company.'

'I can understand why you might have thought so, but still I hoped that you would come.'

'Did you?'

'Very much so.'

'Oh.' She paused. 'I thought...'

'Thought what?'

'That you would still be angry.'

'I was not angry with you. It's just that what we spoke of then is something I have preferred to forget, and I over-reacted.'

'I did not mean to open old wounds.'

'I know.' He sighed. 'The past has a habit of returning to haunt us.'

'I think I will never be free of it. Not of the memories or of Murdo.'

'He will be held to account by and by for the wrongs he has done you.'

'The greatest wrong he did me was when he injured you.'

He blinked. While he knew she was grateful for her recent deliverance,  this implied a rather deeper feeling than gratitude. It was disturbing  on many levels, like the way she was looking at him now. Of course it  would be easy to read more into it than she'd intended. He probed a  little further.

'Would it have grieved you then, if I had been killed along with Jock?'

'How can you ask that?'

'If I had been you would be free.'

She looked into his face. 'I could not forget you so easily.'

'I'm flattered.'

'It wasn't flattery. I am your wife, Ban. What hurts you also hurts me.'

Her words suddenly swept him into much deeper water and they filled him  with disquiet. He had hoped that, if they were eventually able to put  their relationship on a regular footing, she might one day come to care  for him, but it wasn't supposed to happen yet.

'I am honoured, truly.'

'I did not know it until I thought you might die; that I might lose you for good.'

The look in her eyes was more eloquent than words and his heart lurched.  She was standing very close to him. The urge to take her in his arms  was almost overpowering; his entire being craved the touch and taste and  scent of her, but if he followed his inclination it wasn't going to end  with a kiss. And even a kiss was too dangerous. A kiss now meant  emotional reciprocation and he couldn't give in to the temptation. It  would be no better than a false promise, an earnest of something he  might not be able to give.

'I am doubly honoured, my lady.'

It was courteous and, he realised, quite sincere, but he knew it fell  far short of what she wanted to hear from him. Her expression registered  a variety of emotions, one of which was hurt. It cut him like a blade.  He had no wish to be the cause of hurt but this was the lesser of two  evils: better a little pain now rather than a great deal more later on.

Isabelle was quick to recover her composure. 'Of late I have had leisure to think about the current situation.'

'I also.'

'Then perhaps you have come to the same conclusions.'

'Which are?'

'That the previous arrangement will not suffice at Dark Mount. I want us  to live openly as man and wife. I have thought it over and it seems to  me that there is little reason now not to acknowledge our betrothal.'  She hesitated. 'If I do not conceive you can still put me aside and the  law will support you. You have nothing to lose.'

She might have added that he had never had anything to lose but she did  not. She might also have wept or begged. Whatever emotion lay under the  surface it was now firmly under control, her manner cool and  business-like. It engendered both admiration and respect. He surveyed  her steadily, weighing the words in his mind. She had stated the case  succinctly and accurately and, he decided, with considerable courage  since it pointed up her vulnerability. Not only that, her words had  echoed his own conclusions about the best way forwards now. In this at  least he could grant her what she wanted.                       
       
           



       

He nodded. 'Very well. Let our betrothal be acknowledged.'

'Thank you. It will be a relief to dispense with secrecy.'

'I'm inclined to agree.' He paused, regarding her with curiosity. 'It  must have been a considerable temptation to reveal the matter, and yet  you kept silent. Why did you?'

'It was a secret, and one you had not authorised me to reveal.'

'Even though to keep silent was detrimental to your interests?'

The hazel eyes met his gaze steadily. 'My interests are bound up with  yours, my lord. I also made certain promises that I would keep faith  with you, and I will honour them.' She paused. 'In every way that I  can.'

He felt strangely humbled by the declaration. Underlying that were other  feelings that he couldn't afford to examine. Instead he took her hand  and carried it to his lips.

'I will go and speak to my brother-in-law directly.' He bowed and turned  away, heading for the door. However, on reaching it he stopped for a  moment and looked back. 'Incidentally, you were mistaken when you said I  had nothing to lose. From where I stand it looks like a great deal.'





Chapter Thirteen


Isabelle watched the door close behind him and then slumped against the  stone parapet, trying to order the chaos of her thoughts. That he should  so readily agree to acknowledge her was an enormous relief. The thought  of trying to carry on a clandestine relationship at Dark Mount had  filled her with dread; it would only have been a matter of time before  the matter was discovered, and the consequences were too dire to  contemplate. Now at least that particular cloud had been lifted. Others  remained.