My head falls into my hands. There’s just no way. I don’t see how anyone would loan me the money.
I’ll try. The least I can do is try. I stand up from the desk and breathe in deep. I’m not going to cry because that accomplishes nothing.
I take one step and wince. I can still feel him inside of me. I feel raw and sore, but I love it. It’s a strange feeling, finally giving myself to someone.
I shake my head and sigh as I lay down on the bed. It’s not even made. All my stuff is still in moving boxes, along with my sheets. I don’t have much. But it’ll feel better once this room looks like my old bedroom.
I close my eyes and remember his hands on me. The heated looks he gave me as he fucked me. I moan and clench my thighs, loving the soreness. I want him again and again. I loved the way he fucked me. I’ve really been missing out.
I pop up and and dig in my purse for the birth control pills. It’s a few hours late, but it’ll be alright. I bite the inside of my cheek. Maybe I should get the morning after pill too. I feel my cheeks flame and I start feeling … dirty. I don’t like the tightness in my chest. I wanted the whole experience and I got it. Maybe I’m naïve or stupid. I don’t know, maybe I’m a slut for wanting that. I swallow the lump in my throat and grab my bottle of water to swallow down the pill. It doesn’t matter now. I got what I wanted.
My heart hurts. I don’t know what to think. One moment he’s noncommittal, the next he’s kissing me like he needs the air in my lungs to breathe.
I understand it probably seemed like a hookup last night, but I can’t help wanting more.
I roll my eyes. Of course I’m being a clingy bitch. No man wants that. And that’s not what this was. It may have felt like more to me, but I’m sure that’s only because he was my first. I wonder if I told him that last night. I’m too embarrassed to ask. I pick up my phone and scroll through the contacts. Before we left he called himself from my phone so he’d have my number. I like that. I like how in charge he is. My eyes widen as I look at the screen and see it light up with a text from him.
Shit! I didn’t press send or anything, did I? I stare at it for a moment trying to figure out what the hell I did before I realize he’s the one who sent me a text. My heart beats rapidly and I find my body heating with nerves.
What the hell? I feel like I’m in high school again. I calm my nerves and realize the reason he's texting is just that I've left one of my textbooks back at his place.
That was stupid of me. Also… I’m gonna need that so I can sell it. These books aren’t cheap.
As I’m debating how to reply, another text comes through:
Meet me at my parents' house, it’s closer to you and I’ll be there tonight at 5.
The text is followed up with an address. I wonder if I should wait a few minutes before responding, but I’m pretty sure he can see that I’ve read them anyway. I cringe. I wonder if that looks clingy. I don’t want to look that way. I wanna seem laid-back. Eh. Whatever. I shrug my shoulder and send a reply.
Thanks. I’ll see you then.
And thanks for the orgasms this morning. May I have another? I laugh at my inner thought. I am not sending that, although it’s exactly what I want to say. He’s sweet and funny. And fucks my body like it was made for his dick. My thighs clench again.
Damn, one time and I’m a sex addict. I put down my phone and sit up, ready to get my mind on something else. But then I remember the shit my mother left me saddled with, and my heart sinks. I bite the inside of my cheek. I need to get my ass up and go look for a job. Make that jobs. One for myself, and one fit for a recovering alcoholic. I’m not going to waste my life taking care of her. She needs to get her shit in order. I nod my head with anger as I pull my laptop from my bag and open it up on the desk.
Everything’s going to be just fine. Even as I think the words and try to believe them, something deep in my gut is telling me it’s a lie.
Chapter 13: Vince
I put the phone back in my pocket. She’s quick to answer and agreed to meet me tonight, just like I knew my sweetheart would. She’s giving me a clingy vibe--usually that turns me off, but on her, I like it.
I blow out a long exhale and face the docks. If only the rest of my day could be this easy.
“Boss, we got another problem.” Tommy walks up behind me. I turn to look at him and see his chin is bruised up nice. Seeing it almost makes me feel like a prick. Almost. I know he was doing what he thought was best for the family, but fuck that. I’d do it again if I had to.
“It’s all fucked today.” I shove my hands in my pockets and stare at the water, listening to the waves beat against the dock. Three orders came in, but all three were only partially filled. “What’s wrong with this one?”