I watch the heart monitor, thanking God for every beat. The doctors said she coded three times on the table. They practically lost count of how many bags of blood they used as they fought to save her. My eyes burn with unshed tears. If I let the dam break, it'll consume me. I'll be lost and I can't let that happen while she's laying here. When she needs me to be strong.
"Kitten, you've have come back to me. Back to us," I beg.
I'd sell my soul if I thought it'd help in this situation, but I know it's up to her. The doctors did their jobs and now she's just got to fight.
"The twins are healthy. Identical heads of black as night hair, sweet little noses, and sassy attitudes from their first breaths... just like their momma."
The nurse comes in, checking vitals and giving her a fresh bag of fluids. "She's looking good, Mr. Hutchinson. She'll come around."
I know she’s doing her job by trying to make me feel better, but right now the only thing that will make me feel better is for my wife to open her eyes. It's been three days since she was brought in and every minute of every hour has been torture. I haven't left her side. Thankfully, Drake has stayed with the twins in the nursery. Using FaceTime, he's been giving me updates and letting me see our girls.
I should be there with them, too. Blake and I should be cuddling our babies and introducing them to their big brother. This should be a time of joy, not a nightmare.
With a sympathetic look the nurse leaves the room.
I press gentle kisses to the back of Blake's chilled hand, wrapping both of my hands around hers gently and willing my warmth into her body. Exhaustion weighs down on me. Resting my head on the bed I fall into an uncomfortable sleep.
“Hutch?”
An angel speaks in my dreams. Striking blue eyes with hair so black it’s nearly blue, and a smile so wide it’s devastating in its beauty. The angel speaks again, but I dare not respond. I couldn’t live if this dream disappeared and reality took its place. Then a soft touch, a gentle caress from cool fingers across my cheek, has me jerking away from my dream into an even better reality.
“Kitten?”
She’s got a soft look on her face, but her gaze is laced with pain. A look of panic takes over and her heart monitor goes crazy.
“The babies?” She chokes out, as her free hand moves towards her now flat stomach.
“Are fine. Calm down, Kitten. They're perfect. Drake hasn’t left the nursery since they were born. He’s caused quite the scene from what I’ve heard.”
The relief on her face is instant and the vise that gripped my heart at her panic loosens.
“Brenden?”
“He’s with Shay.”
“Everyone’s okay then?” Just like my girl, totally worried about everyone else after just waking up from major emergency surgery.
“Yeah, everyone’s perfect now that you’re awake.”
Some of the anxiety of the last three days ebbs away once the doctor comes and checks Blake over. I haven’t had the chance to tell her what happened before the doctor came in for rounds, and like a chickenshit, I’m grateful that I didn’t have to tell my beautiful wife that she’d never have another baby.
The bleeding was too bad and even with removing her uterus, they still barely managed to save her life. The heart wrenching sobs that wrack Blake’s whole body tear into me like a thousand blades. Unable to take it another moment, I carefully crawl into the bed beside her and hold her to me, taking on all the pain she’ll give me.
“It’s okay, Kitten. Let it out. We all have to break sometimes, but I’ll always be here holding you together.”
Finally, her sobs turn into sniffles and then to silent tears. After a few silent minutes she says something I never expected…
“I almost lost you.”
“No. I almost lost you,” I repeat her words fervently.
A few errant tears trail down her cheeks and I carefully wipe them away. The moment is broken by a soft knock on the door right before Drake walks into the room pushing a nursery crib followed by a very annoyed looking nurse.
“Up for a couple visitors?” Drake asks, eyeing his twin up and down, assessing her. Unmistakable relief floods his features when he takes in her upright position.
Blake’s whole face lights up and you’d never know she’d nearly died by the look on her face. So full of life and practically glowing with the joy of seeing the fruits of thirty-eight long weeks of pregnancy.
“Yes! Let me see my babies.”
The scars on my best friend’s face pull tight as he smiles down at the tiny baby girls. Carefully lifting one then the other in his arms like he’s done it a million times before, he comes directly to her bedside. Tears fill Blake’s eyes as he settles the babies gently in her arms, cautiously putting pillows under her arms for support so she doesn’t hurt herself.